am on a virtual hamster wheel and want to get off

worndownmum

Right I am baring my soul here so please dont shout at me until you have read this all the way through "gulp".
My husband and I have been in big time debt for the last 10 years,(long story mainly my husbands gambling probs)and bad management of different problems over the years.
At one point our pay was going in the bank on friday to cover the bills and we were cashing cheques from monday to thursday and paying wages in on friday to cover them and on and on it went for a long time.
We would pay credit card on time and go to the cashpoint and withdraw it straight away to cover our living expenses.
We had about 100k dept all told but it was crippling us!!.
Been through them all/ provident/loans from the paper/loans from the banks/remortgages 3 etc.
We have had 3 ccjs 1 for council tax 1 for self employment contributions and one for water rates all now sorted and no longer on our files.
I know you are horrified by this but because they were not on our backs and everyone else were, I was paying april bill in june and june in august until I couldn't keep track anymore.
Now here is the biggest shocker of all my husband is a brickie!! and please dont give me the usual " brickies are loaded " as it is rubbish, he will never be loaded as he is too honest for his own good.
He had a bust up with his partner who was not turning up for work or turning up hungover so they split and that was the start of our problems.
We live in a small town and no one will employ a builder on their own, its usually 2 brickies and a labourer especially on building sites, so he started taking on small jobs, garden walls etc.
But with no money to hire machinery he did it all by hand , digging out footings etc which took weeks before he actually saw any wages and it just wasn't worth it, maybe lucky to get £500 for 3 weeks work.
This was when the gambling started he was looking for that big win to sort us out.
Now this was our way out of this and we are not proud of it believe me nobody in the family knows any of this.
My husband went to Ireland to help his brother ( another brickie) cash in hand.
He came back every few weeks and what he earned was split between everyone we owed money to.
I had my full time job in our local supermarket as my three kids were teenage by now we slowly chipped away at our debts until the present day.
Every time we got a lump sum together to go to the tax office and sort ourselves out with them something has gone wrong.
Our house had structural problems it cost us £4000 to put right/ then hubbys van clapped out and we had to buy an old banger just so he could keep earning, he had a fall off the scaffold and damaged his back but couldn't claim sickness because they would have wanted to know where he has been working.
I cant go into details for fear of being recognised but it has been one thing after another, we just cant seem to get on our feet as there is always something to knock us back down again.
My husband is 52 I am 48 no savings no pension and a permanent overdraft which is always nearly at the limit.
As far as everyone is concerned (family, creditors, banks etc) my husband has a normal job and all is fine.
The work hasn't been regular all this time at best it is maybe 2 months earning and 2 months with just my wages to live on, then when he does get work from his brother , what he earns pays the things we are behind with.
It is all such a mess and I have started to have nightmares again ( used to have them regular at one time).
I just dont know how to put a stop to it all without it all tumbling around my ears.
I know what a lot of you are thinking if you are still reading this but he is an honest and hardworking bloke and he could have started ripping off old ladies like a lot of people in his line of work do.
Right I am going off now for awhile because this has been really stressful to write and I will come back later and face the backlash!!

Northernbird_2

No backlash from me. It sounds like you're having a really hard time so all you'll get from me are hugs and virtual cake :grouphug:

I can only do a short post, and others may have better advice, but you need to go through and list every creditor you have, how much, payments made etc. List your incomings and outgoings as best you can. Once everything is in black and white it can be tackled some way, some how.

worndownmum

Hi thanks for that I have no idea where to start as regards what we owe today but I do know it is nowhere near what we once did.
The maddening thing is we have insurances coming out of our ears tied to various loans and will never be able to claim on them ie unemployment sickness etc.
I will try and plough through the worst of the bills later as I feel a bit wrung out after this post .
I think once the floodgates were opened it just all came out.

skintchick

Hi - big hugs and well done for posting. Your solution starts here and we'll help you through it.

Please do post all your incomings, outgoings and debts, but in the meantime can you tell me:

could hubby do a different job?

can you get a better paid job?

do your kids still live at home? do any of them have jobs? Can they contribute to household costs?

Don;t panic - there will be a way out of this

tattooed_lady

Hi worndownmum,

Well done for writing such a difficult post. Big (((hugs))) to you. No-one here will judge you and we all would like to help.

As the others have said, post your SOA and we will hopefully give you some advice.xx

Kevicho

We all do what we can to get by, were not here to judge, we like to help

Now lets see your finances so we can make you better off

rchddap1

Indeed, no shouting here. Many people end up in debt for a huge variety of reasons. None of these reasons really matter. What does matter is how to get you out of this hole permanently. If you can post a statement of affairs you'll have more suggestions that you can shake a stick at.

Don't worry about it....... Post the details and we'll be happy to give you a hand. The MSE Army can be a formidable force when it gets going and you will eventually see that light at the end of the tunnel.

robnye

if you dont think your husband would actually get anything paid out on the insurance paolicies attached to the loans/debts........ it might be worth you asking for them to be cancelled.... there are others on this forum who have doen this then used the money that was paying for the insurances to help clear the debts.

bumblebee_3

Hello there, as everyone else has said no judgement or shouting on here, just suggestions and support!

The best thing to do would be for you to post your income and outgoings and see what folk on here can suggest.

Good idea cancelling the insurances policies I did that recently and saved myself just over £100 a month, every little helps.

mummytofour

Hang in there, once you have done your SOA then im sure you will get loads of advice.

Loads of hugs, what you are living is horrid, its sounds like total hell and to still be sane just goes to show what a strong person you must be.

Vxx

lottie26_2

i just want to ay well done for being so honest that must have been hard i'm sure you will succed, also you and your husband sound like you have a wonderful strong relationship,i'm sure you will sort out your debts,good luck