Drowning In Debt, Just Want Some Reassurance

pixie1

I do normally post on mse but under a diff name, the reason Ive changed it for this post is because my work friends know my log-in name and i dont want them to know all my details.

Basically I owe thousands, my husband has helped me out twice in the past and unless I sort this mess out on my own my marrage will be over and Im not just saying tha for affect, its the truth.

I know i have a problem with spending and Im going to seek professional advice regards to that i believe there are some help groups in my area. But what I need now is help out of the mess £££ wise. I have contacted the national debt helpline today but i would also like some advice from here.

Income

1300.00 per month

outgoings

397 - secured joint loan but i pay it as it was for me.
299 - unsecured loan repayment
145 - halifax visa
300 - bank of scottland card
45 - egg
55 - barclays
75 - goldfish
97 - mnba
45 - next
15 - water
15 - bt
80 - hsbc
70 - morgan stanley
i have a 575 over draft which i pay £6 per month for and im always in.

I really want to make arrangements to pay these debts off with the interest frozen, bankruptcy and an IVA (?) are not an option fo rme as hubby would find out and he just cant if i want my marrage to survive.

I know ive been silly with my spending and that Im fortunant in the fact i dont pay towards the mortgage ect but i need some help.

Im meant to buy the food for the household (hubs and I) so i end up buying things on my cc once my payment has gone against the balance.

any friendly help or advice would be great.

Thanks

bank_of_slate

Hi Pixie.

Is your husband aware of the strue situation that you're in?

I lived paying the minimum off a 'secret' credit card for 2 years without him even knowing. How daft it was rushing home at lunch time on the day when I knew the statement was due so he would never see it.

That's a lot of cards that you have.
The best thing that you can do is put all your SOA in black and white and sit down with your hubby, explaining that you want to stop this and sort it out, but you need his support.
I know it's so scary but it's got to be done.
...Linda xx

pixie1

Thanks Linda,

I get support for my problems from my sister, right now i cant talk to hubby about it. As I want to stay in my marrage it isnt something i can approach with him as I KNOW it would be the end of the road for us

Im working on a SOA with the help of the cccs or payplan as advised by the NDhelpline.

Does anyone know which companyies puch for court orders and which are more likely to freeze interest and accept a payment arrangment?

bank_of_slate

How is your marriage aside from the financial problems?

Are you sure your hubby won't understand if you explain not just the situation but how you are facing the problem and taking control of it?

Is it just you imagining the worst case scenario of how he will react?
I know that when you are 'alone' in your debt, it's impossible to see or think clearly about how others that you feel you have let down will react...I know, I've been there!

Surely the risk of him finding out the true situation himself and knowing that you have covered up or lied carries a much higher risk of your marriage ending.
...Linda xx

pixie1

My marriage hasnt been great for three years....this will break it and i really dont want that to happen. 1. because i love him but also without sounding heartless I odnt have anywhere else to go I dont get on with my parents, I cant afford to rent and I dont have any close friends. My sister lives with my folks so she isnt an option either. Running away is though

bank_of_slate

I'm sure that is a tempting option right now, but problems have a habit of following you.

Apart from MSE and your sister, I would telephone cccs or payplan and get some sound financial advice.
It's the hardest thing to do but it's the start of taking control.
Could you have some marriage counselling? you obviously can't carry on like you are doing, I really feel for you.
...Linda xx

Conor_3

bank_of_slate_and_nazi wrote:

The best thing that you can do is put all your SOA in black and white and sit down with your hubby, explaining that you want to stop this and sort it out, but you need his support.
I know it's so scary but it's got to be done.
...Linda xx

AMEN TO THAT. It's a marriage. You're a couple supposed to be there for each other not only in good times but in bad too. You're a team. Also as you're married, the problems you have WILL have an effect on your husbands credit too and he WILL find out so best to be up front.

Glad to hear you're going to get advice to get your spending under control.

I see that you're yet another couple who try and run one house from two bank accounts, In effect it's almost as if you want the label of being married but to live seperate lives. IT SIMPLY DOESN'T WORK. It's almost as if subconciously, you've decided from the moment that you said "I do" that the marriage IS going to fail so you want to be sure that the money you earn is yours and he won't get a penny. You BOTH should be paying for the food, electricity, mortgage, council tax, phone bills, car insurance, water, home insurance, Sky TV etc etc etc. Every couple I know who try and live the same way ,and believe me that's most of them, one of them is struggling for money whilst the other has plenty and between them both, they'd have more than enough to live worry free. IT PUTS A BIG STRESS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP FOR NO REASON AT ALL.

By all means have your own account but have a joint account where both of your incomes go into and all the bills come out of. Then split the left over between you both.

Also on a personal note, and you're not going to like this one bit so don't read on if you're particularly fragile ATM, if your husband has felt so put out because he's had to "bail the missus out" that he would divorce you over something as stupid as debts WHICH HE HAS BENEFITTED FROM (unless he buys his own food, uses his own phone and has a seperate water supply) and which you BOTH could afford to repay if you actually acted as a married couple financially, then you have to ask if there marriage has much chance in the first place. You're supposed to be a team. At the moment from what you've said, all I see is two individuals living under the same roof.

Maybe it's me that's got it wrong. I just can't seem to see why a married couple keep finances so completely seperate.

pixie1

We are mor elike best friends living under the same roof to be honest but my main problem and concern here is my financial situation and not that of my marrage as I can handle that right now, i cant the other.

Daddyto3

Hi,

The total of the above is MINUS £344, then you have to buy food?

What do you owe in total to each provider, Can you not apply for 0% cards, and shuffle the largest debts on to them. That way at least the interest is frozen?

I am sure your husband must know something is not right? If you are paying the above sums each month, where is the things you have bought with the money.

It's honestly not worth running away.....hope you weren't serious?

I am sure you will get this sorted soon.

Good Luck
Phil

pixie1

He knows i have debts but thinks that they are under control and not rising. I cant actually say what ive spent this money on....i have very little to show for it thats for sure.

I have tried moving my debts to 0% cards but right now i cant get the ok for mew credit so that isnt an option.

running away ..... i dont think i have anywhere to go

bank_of_slate

pixie1 wrote:

We are mor elike best friends living under the same roof to be honest but my main problem and concern here is my financial situation and not that of my marrage as I can handle that right now, i cant the other.

At least you are still 'friends' friendship can be built on!
don't give up.

I don't see how you can have a happy relationship with so much stress and debt driving a wedge between you.

Have you asked him how HE feel about the relationship at the moment? maybe he thinks that you don't want to make it work so what's the point in him trying?
One of you has to make the first move in repairing the damage.
...Linda xx