Help me stop compulsive spending

poppy_f1

i have to say im the same sometimes i can stop and think do i really need this, then not buy but on occasions i do splurge when im feeling down thats when im bad and spend more than i should but im getting there, took a while tho

mippy

webtalk wrote: »

Take responsibility for yourself.

Cut up all your credit cards. Only EVER pay cash for things.

I only have a debit card, and it isn't practical to cut this up altogether - I do online shopping a lot as I don't have time to get to the shops. Although this can get out of hand!

One thing I've noticed is that cash disappears more quickly when I draw it out.

I like the two bank account idea - I have a savings account linked to my current account so I can transfer money easily online. The problem being that I am quite disorganised so I don't want to do anything that might risk triggering bank charges. I want to eventually pay off my overdraft and I think a second account might be a good way to manage this - but I don't want to start until I#ve paid off my student overdraft in July (and not just because Abbey are crap...). When I tried to switch accounts before, I was only offered a basic bank account, but this was two years ago and I have been given the overdraft I have now plus an upgrade from a Visa Electron to a Visa Debit card, so perhaps my credit rating has improved.

Thank you for the support so far. I am having a day of panicking today - I'm still in my probation period at work so worrying about a problem that's come up and hoping it won't reflect badly on me

sarahs999

I don't know much about how bipolar affects your decision-making capacities, but I know that if I analyse my need to spend it is really, really hard to face the emotional stuff. I thinka lot of us use spending money as a way to soothe ourselves, particularly if we are having a bad day. Of course the emotional issue is not resolved by spending money, just numbed (kind of like overeating). Maybe try to pinpoint the emotion that's causing you to want to spend, if you can, at the point that it's happening, and see if there's another way out - can you call a friend and let off steam? Find a place to have a cry? Drink a cup of tea and read a book or magazine to calm you down? It's a really tough place to be but I've found it has really helped me control my spending.

That and getting really OCD about paying off my debts, watching the amounts come down on the 20k by 2009 thread... it's compulsive stuff!

Errata

I don't know much about how bipolar affects your decision-making capacities

One of the difficulties is that the need to spend is totally unrealistic, and the ability to make rational decisions about spending money becomes non-existent.

Mippy - have you had your medication reviewed recently ? Perhaps it's time for it to be tweaked a little bit to get you onto a more even keel? HTH

debtdesperado

This is a really interesting thread!

Mippy - I don't have bipolar but your statement "I'm spending for a person I haven't become yet" really struck a chord with me. At the height of my chaotic spending I would buy clothes without even trying them on, piling them up and buying them in at least a size too small, multiples of the same thing, wildly expensive, totally impractical etc... crazy. I had this hazy image of this person I wanted to be, and buying stuff that 'she' would wear was the quickest way of being 'her'.

Eventually I had my LBM and realised that the person I wanted to be is in control of her money, and not blasting through her salary in a week, only to live on credit cards for the rest of the month.

But I only realised all this now that I am trying to sort out my debts... the first thing I did was have a clearout for ebay, and was amazed by the sheer variety of stuff... Barbie and her multiple outfits had nothing on me!

At the moment the only coping strategies I have are (1) to stay out of the shops completely, (2) to try and slow down my spending - I have a think and decide whether the item is a want or a need and (3) to force myself to only buy ONE item at a time (previously I tended to buy loads of stuff per shop).

If you come up with any other strategies, please post them!

I have posted elsewhere about doing an accurate (not guessed!) SOA and how this can take a few months to get accurate to the nearest penny, but now that I have sorted it it stops me panicking as I know that I only have X to spend for the month, so I tend to keep track of that figure in my head.

Hope this helps!

Paulgonnabedebtfree

poorandindenial wrote: »

I would have been mortified if anyone had seen my first spending diaries too, I was all over the place (hundreds each month on clothes and cosmetics, crazy amounts each day on food, holidays all over the place etc etc) so I can understand how you feel. You could maybe post your spending diary on here each week (I think littlepinkstars does this as well as a few of the others) or you could just do a full diary on here about your health, debt and spending and then you can see how you are doing and keep tabs on how you are getting on.



Nah, we are all only human. Have a look at the 100 days and the clear £15k by Xmas 2009 threads, if you fall off you just get back on again, no-one will think any less of you, although you might get the odd bum kicking in the nicest way possible (if you look at the £15k one you will see I have just slipped up royally and booked a rather expensive skiing holiday recently, but now I know that it is just a glitch, I have booked it now, I will enjoy it and pay for it and carry on doing what I can towards my debt rather than throwing the baby out with the bathwater which is what I would have done before)

I don't have bi-polar myself but I have just picked up on your suggestion about posting a spending diary on here each week. Although I have made big improvements in a short space of time, I believe that going public regarding "instant" or "compulsive" spends would benefit me. It doesn't matter if others get bored with it because they don't have to read it if they don't want to and I could contain it all in one thread so someone could avoid it more easily. My instant spends are quite small but can mount up - things like grabbing a snack in a cafe instead of making sandwiches for work or buying a newspaper (that I don't need) and stuffing a bag of large choc buttons at the same time. I know it sounds funny but those relatively little things can really add up over a month.
I'm not going to start it till new year as I have a number of pre xmas things to attend but come new year I will do this.

bank_of_slate

Hi Mippy,

have you posted a full statement of accounts?
https://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

I also used to be a compulsive spender! and I am bipolar.
two accounts works very well for me and I have a set amount that goes into my spending account every month. The spending account is a basic account that has no cheque book and no overdraft so if it ain't in there I can't spend it!

Can you identify what sort of things you usually splurge on when you have a spending spree?
What triggers you to have a spending spree?

Also... I'm useless at saving in a savings account because I'll just draw the money out but I am very good at saving coins!
I save all £2 coins and they really mount up!
I have recently bought a second savings tin from Hawkins Bazaar that you have to open with a can opener so it's a real psychological barrier to dipping into it.
In there I have been putting £1 coins in and a £10 note here and there. It says on it that with just £1 coins it'll have £500 when full.

I also love getting things so sign up for surveys
Valued opinions are good and you'll get vouchers for M&S or wherever you choose
Toluna.com points soon mount up to vouchers and they also send you things to test!
YouGov are the government survey site, I just had my first £50 cheque from them which was fantastic.

Sign up to https://www.seefilmfirst.com to see films before they are even released for free!
I have got 3 FREE tix to see the new Desperaux film this Thursday afternoon.
The codes are posted on the freebies no spend requred forum.

Start doing competitions... I've had lots of little wins that turn up out of the blue (E.G. Aveda shampoo, organic moistuiser, 2 x Ben 10 skateboards, hair colour etc) and it satisfies my urges!
...Linda xx

mippy

debtdesperado wrote: »

At the height of my chaotic spending I would buy clothes without even trying them on, piling them up and buying them in at least a size too small, multiples of the same thing, wildly expensive, totally impractical etc... crazy. I had this hazy image of this person I wanted to be, and buying stuff that 'she' would wear was the quickest way of being 'her'.

Yes, that's exactly what it's like. I think as well as women we are encouraged to shop shop shop :rolleyes: Although I stopped buying women;s magazines as they really irritated me, I still read the ones at work and they don't do a lot for your wallet (or your self esteem - Closer will make anyone feel neurotic for eating a bacon sarnie once a week!)

For me as well it's having all these ideas of what I want to do - buying wool even though I can't knit yet, or paints even though I get frustrated trying to get what's in my head out on the paper. And the result is not having any money to do things I can do NOW.

I already do those money-saving tips that come in papers - I make my own lunches, rent DVDs online etc. It's really about changing my attitude completely!

I used to have one of those savings tins when a student - I had £80 in it. Maybe I should start doing that again I'll have a look at the link you posted Linda - very helpful of you!

bank_of_slate

mippy wrote: »

Yes, that's exactly what it's like. I think as well as women we are encouraged to shop shop shop :rolleyes: Although I stopped buying women;s magazines as they really irritated me, I still read the ones at work and they don't do a lot for your wallet (or your self esteem - Closer will make anyone feel neurotic for eating a bacon sarnie once a week!)

For me as well it's having all these ideas of what I want to do - buying wool even though I can't knit yet, or paints even though I get frustrated trying to get what's in my head out on the paper. And the result is not having any money to do things I can do NOW.

I already do those money-saving tips that come in papers - I make my own lunches, rent DVDs online etc. It's really about changing my attitude completely!

I used to have one of those savings tins when a student - I had £80 in it. Maybe I should start doing that again I'll have a look at the link you posted Linda - very helpful of you!

You're welcome!
Instead of magazines - get the email weekly updates and look at the online version of mags instead - I love Heat, Glamour and Marie-Claire! Join handbag.com.
Do the competitions on there too, last year I won £100 worth of Bravissimo vouchers courtesy of Glamour Magazine which was great as I needed more bras!

Keep posting on here instead of going onto Ebay, join in the daily chat thread and get to know the regulars , there are some great people on here who will chat and keep you occupied when you're feeling weak, sometimes it's a real scream on here!
...Linda xx

CocoLoco_3

Mippy, are you a member of MDF? They have a legal advice line which can offer advice on debt