Sleep deprived and looking after the family and home

jack*tigger

First of all GET SOME SLEEP.
Go have a nice hot bath after the kids are asleep and then go to bed yourself.
The housework will wait until morning.

Then get organised.

Try and find out why little one is crying. Is (s)he teething? Are they getting enough solid food as well as milk (this might help with their sleep too as a full baby is more likely to sleep through). Are they cold? Do they have earache - a regualr complain in little uns.
Once the little one is sorted you'll be able to think straight.

As long as the kitchen and bathroom are hygienic, tidy can wait.

Allow yourself 15 minutes each day to tidy 1 room. You'll be surprised how much you can do if you concentrate on one room only.

Try an limit the places where your kids play at home. E.g. get the eldest sticking or colouring at the kitchen table whilst you cook dinner, little one can play in a playgym or chew a book. That way they aren't messing up the living room and their bedrooms whilst you're not watching them.

Look at internet shopping for your groceries. Most of the supermarkets have a reduced rate for mid week deliveries and sometimes free if you order over a certain value. It's got to be better to order at home when the kids are playing nicely rather than drag the kids out. Might work out cheaper too as you'll buy what you want not what looks good at the shop.

Get DH to help by telling him what to do or giving him choices of jobs. E.g. "Wash the pots while I bath the kids" or "Do you want to wash the pots or bath the kids?"
Keep the jobs simple but keep them regular. Stuff like putting the rubbish out, walk the dog, hoover the living room.

Do the laundry and when its dry put DH's on his computer chair for him to put away. DO NOT put it away for him. Give up ironing altogether. If anything needs ironing it can be done before its worn. DH can do his own. Most kids clothes don't need ironing so don't.

You get the drift. But take care of yourself 'cos you're the glue that keeps the whole family together.

Think about a job in the new year. Supermarkets are quite flexible in their hours and like reiable people on in the evenings and at weekends. Most give a staff discount too.

Next I'd look at other ways of boosting your income - see other forum on here. Look at things like Phonix cards or Usbourne books etc, Things that you could take with you to mother and toddler groups. There's alsorts of things that you can do from home.

Good luck

Sandie

love2save

I had my last daughter when I was 38 and she never slept past 1am till she was 41/2 years old. I was constantly exhausted and depressed. My husband believed as he worked it was my job to get up every night with her (Including weekends) and I was almost suicidal at one point. One day for no reason she slept till 5am and has done so ever since...not sure why...it was before she started school. She is still an early riser but life is now much better.

All I can advise, is take one day at a time. Don't worry about the housework for now, just do what is vital and leave the rest till things improve. Hopefully it won't last for too much longer. Big hugs to you .....

fsdss

hi betty

its really difficult to manage a home and a family, and i am sure that if we were all honest the majority on here would agree.
i know you say that the doctor said no depression on the scale - but at the very least you must be stressed? (else you wouldn't write here) sometimes things get on top of us and we feel as though we cannot cope with "ordinary day to day activities" - i may be wrong here but perhaps you are post natally down? (it does happen - and manifests itself in different ways). this can affect your sleep, amongst other things, which it is doing so.

sometimes i bet you worry about the house - the constant chaos - getting a routine established. if you saw my house at the moment you would think it had been ransacked - but do i care? No, because it isn't important to me and the children continue to clutter the place with toys, shoes, etc until i can be bothered to clean it up - its not dirty BTW, just cluttered (and who ever died from clutter!).

is your HV approachable? could she help you get some order in the running of the family via outside source? or perhaps refer you for some free baby massage, You could you refer yourself to homestart? a volunteer agency to help young families, they will help you gain control of your situation that you are stuck in.

most importantly you need to be honest with your other half - tell him how you feel and cry if you have to - any man with any sense will respond to how you have explained your feelings on here. maybe he has recognised this and doesn't know what to do for the best - hence keeping out of your way and just letting you get on with it.

sooty&sweep

Hi Betty Boop

I'm sorry some of what I say will probably repeat others.
I know that when you are so tired it is very difficult to think straight. So sleep needs to be a priority.

You know your husband. Is it a case that he's thoughtless and doesn't really understand what it is like looking after children24/7 ? If so some 'quality time' where he gets some time to experience without you around will do him good !!
It is not normal for a ten month old to be crying so much. Do you know why ? Teething ?
Your Doctor doesn't sound like he's be very supportive to say the least.
Are you in contact with your Health Visitor ? In my area we had a mother and baby clinic which ran twice weekly (didn't have to go) but opportunity to get baby weighed and also have a chat with a Health Visitor if had concerns. Do you have anything similar ? Otherwise make an urgent appointment to see how they can help. They can help you and your children.

All the best

Who is saying that you should find a job ? I don't know your financial situation but to be honest I think you need to concentrate on yourself and your children before you start thinking about getting a job.

pandora205

Hi - I had to comment and empathise. You aren't depressed, you are exhausted and in no fit state to go to work. Your responses are natural when faced with sleep deprivation, breast feeding and an insensitive husband!

You need sleep and your man to help, and to give you a break now and then.

Perhaps it's time to have a chat with him and spell out how you feel. And the suggestion of Home Start is a good one - they are a great bunch of people (volunteers) who offer support to families with young chldren.

pink_princess

From a permanent night-shifter with three children ,i totally sympathise .I understand the feeling sick ,its a side effect of the lack of sleep .I also have a splitting headache all the time.I don t think your depressed everything you ve described is from sleeplessness .I also get so bad tempered and im normally mild mannered.
I don t have an answer for you ,i just completely understand and wish you s well.I now ignore the house work during the week and just gut it all at weekends .
I would also like to thank jack tigger for their post (OH doesn t though lol) I will be putting some of those tips into action.
Best of luck
PP

oystercatcher

Hello,
Yes I've been there done that got the T-shirt. I used to work nights as a midwife and then come home from work take over the two under two's from my XH and carry on all day. If I planned carefully they would both sleep for two hours and I would fall into bed with my clothes on and sleep while they did.
Once I woke up to see a ghost !! The elder boy had tipped a pot of talcum powder over himself and turned white !!
Once I had three under three's I didn't manage to work as XH started travelling abroad but that's another story!

One thing I did which helped was to contact the local college and get a student nanny to come and help for experience. It took a while before I trusted her enough to leave alone but after a few months I could go and sleep. Before that she was still an extra pair of hands to do childcare while I did other chores or relaxed in the same room.
This was a few years ago so I'm not sure if colleges work the same system now.

I had a husband who wouldn't help. No easy way round this if he is determined, but having read lots of books and got more experience in 'training men' I'd go with the asking them to do one thing approach. ie "Would you empty the bin please while I wash up" .

If he says he's tired after work (and he probably is) then acknowledge this, mention that you are tired too and just allocate a task, maybe saying then you can both sit down ! If it's a really bad night maybe you could get him to stay up just for two hours while you sleep. It does make a difference. I must admit that my ex thought his job was more important than my sleep and sanity though (one of the reasons he's an ex now!).

The other thing to do is try and make a routine to the day including a quiet time, maybe after lunch. I used to put the TV on for sesame street for an hour after lunch and the children would watch this whille I would either rest or do houshold tasks depending on which I felt was more important...often the rest! We didn't have the TV on all day so they sat and watched it when it was on if you get my drift!

Try and organise the house so it's easy to keep tidy, chuck all the toys into a box and clear the floor, train the kids to put them in the box....so infuriating when they empty them all out again.

The other thing that is imortant is getting out and meeting people. Even if you are tired ! Make sure you go to toddlers groups or something, making friends who can maybe give you a bit of moral support , or just finding they are in the same situatioin can really help.

Best wishes
Oystercatcher

shirlgirl2004

You are at a really low point and understandably so. I can understand how living in a messy house can get you down so see if you can borrow a sling and carry your baby on your back so you can get on and do a few bits. I'm not sayimg knock yourself out gtting things done but just enough to make you feel better.

Sharing your bed with with your baby may mean you both sleep better. Maybe if you take it in turns with your husband to sleep elsewhere (spare room?) then you will get more sleep. Even if you get woken once to give a feed then you will feel more rested.

I hope things improve for you soon.