Family falling out over will - any advice?

ampersand

Indeed, indeed.........
Pay heed.

seven-day-weekend

I personally think that the lady had a right to leave her money to whomever she wished and that the people who are grizzling should put their faces straight and accept that her will was her business, not theirs.

However, that does not help the OP. I have no advice but do commiserate on what must be an awful situation for you.

Hope you get it sorted soon.

monkeyspanner

Thanks again for your comments
Errata - There were 2 executors, but unfortunately one predeceased my MIL in the last few months.

Savvy-sue - I suspect your assumption about my MIL's reasoning is right but we will never know. It seems that the majority of the 'have not' grandchildren are not that bothered or at least are grown up enough to say it is ok(with one notable exception). It is their parents who are upset, partly at least because they believe their generation should have been left the money not the grandchildren. Yes there are a number of children in each group.

Errata

You're welcome. Unfortunate that you're left holding the baby.
If the kids are cool with things, in your place I'd tell the 'adults' to take a hike and cease being so disrespectful to the mother/MIL who's not yet cold in her grave. And yes, I probably would use those exact words.

monkeyspanner

Errata wrote: »

You're welcome. Unfortunate that you're left holding the baby.
If the kids are cool with things, in your place I'd tell the 'adults' to take a hike and cease being so disrespectful to the mother/MIL who's not yet cold in her grave. And yes, I probably would use those exact words.

Unfortunately we are in the "that just proves mum never loved me" phase. I would love to follow your advice as I am finding it all very disrespectful, but I don't think that approach would go down too well with my other (and better) half.

Errata

Strewth - you're between a rock and a hard place by the sound of it.
I guess the ultimate deterrent is that you suggest to them all that you will resign as executor, might be a bit long winded and messy, but that should put the cat amongst the pigeons quite nicely.

EdInvestor

Oh dear, poor old monkeyspanner, you really don't deserve this after all the work you did on the care aspect.

Hopefully a more mature attitude will develop over time.

In many cases like this, DoVs occur so that the middle generation can do exactly what your MIL has done, ie leave the money to the young grandchildren.This is because the legacy pushes their own estates into IHT territory.

Is that a factor in this case?

weanie

My genuine sympathy and best wishes are really all I can offer.
I know from second hand experience from friends that 'secure' families can be badly shaken over perceived unfairness. When parents feel that their own children [however old they may be] have been slighted, then they can react without due logic and deference to the situation.
I suspect 'less is more' and it is better not to engage too much in the discussions and in-fighting and just get on with the very difficult job and see it through.
Whatever choices and reasons your MIL made, I can clearly see her wisdom is choosing you to take on this task. I know her trust in you was justified and I admire your calm and considerate approach. I hope your family can come to agree at least upon this.
Good luck

Liquorice_Twirls

monkeyspanner wrote: »

Unfortunately we are in the "that just proves mum never loved me" phase. I would love to follow your advice as I am finding it all very disrespectful, but I don't think that approach would go down too well with my other (and better) half.

And that I feel probably sums the whole thing up. Whatever happens now, some may be left feeling that their Mum never loved them and make the will the focus of this anger rather than rage against their departed Mother for leaving them with this feeling.

Even if everyone sits down and shares it all out now, MIL has left them trying to make meaning of it all. "Doing the right thing" now if there is such a thing won't change what your MIL did.

I think it will take time and some more of the grieving process before they can start to make some sense of what this means. But in the meantime, try to avoid being the target of their anger. It is not you they are angry with.

dzug1

sandra_nz wrote: »

Why? Is there a legal requirement I'm not aware of?

When my grandmother died, she left everything to her daughter (my aunt) and nothing to her son (my dad). My aunt automatically said that wasn't fair and they split everything 50:50.

On the executor's part, yes there is a legal obligation.

Once she had the inheritance your aunt was entitled to do what she liked with it - giving away half in this case.