where do i start ???

Oldernotwiser

I agree with all the above but just wanted to add that if it's your children's security that's most important to you, a life in privately rented accommodation as a single parent is not the way to go! It may seem easier to walk away at the moment but I'm sure that sorting things out together will be a better long term solution. Good luck.

skintchick

You only talk about the paperwork being in a mess, you are not saying you don;t love, so please don;t just walk away from this relationship. You;ve have some great practical advice on how to deal with this, and I think you should go with it - get someone else to do teh paperwork for him and then he cna relax, so his job, and you can both get on qith being great parents to your kids and loving partners to each other.
nothing in your posts tells me you want to split up, just that you are both at breaking point. xx

Mutter_2

100% with you there, Oldernotwiser. OP has not said that her partner is abusive, mean or unkind to the children.
Just financially in a mess.

This can be sorted.

I agree too, to go into rented or unknown territory with three children, DON'T.
At best, there will be a ball being kicked repeatedly against your wall, worst, drug dealers living next door. *

I think, and obviously so do others, that your situation is solvable.

As Skintchick says, you make no mention of lack of love.

Just disorganisation of finances. Over on the debt free site, they'll sort you when you post a SOA. Think that's what it is, a statement of affairs?
Anyway, it will get better.
Keep posting.

* Not all rented obviously.

reallystressed

hi there everyone
thank you all for your advice and support , we are giving it another go , he seems to be really trying at the moment , and has agreed to be more honest and let me help with organizing his money etc . i am sure everything will get better just being positive and trying not to seem a nag lol , but am on hise case about paying bills on time etc , also suggested he get a pre pay credit card for work so that after all his bills are paid he can put money on this card and then use it for day to day expenses so that he isnt always going to the bank and withdrawing a bit of cash every day and spending on debit card cos i think that is where he goes wrong as he doesnt have much idea of what he needs to get through the month because he is not keeping track of money , what do you think ?
i am also going through all our personal finances and am cancelling things like ppi on the credit cards etc as he is self employed i dont think they are worth anything to us . i am determined to sort this out as i do love him very much i was just in a very low place a while ago and i think that is why i just wanted to walk away ........ but WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS ! so once again thank you all so much for support info and advice and feel free to reply with any other suggestions

lavidaloca

I am so pleased you are trying to make a go of things. It seems to me that he has got so overwhelmed with something ie paperwork which is not his cup of tea. He sounds to be a good worker so let him get on with that whilst you take over the paperwork. Simple bookkeeping systems are easy enough to set up and it won't take you long to get organised and then set aside some time each week to keep up to date. If you have any questions re bookkeeping then pm me and I'll try and help you. One thing you should look at, because he is in the construction industry, is tax.

Re your debts - get over to the debt board and let them have your statement of affairs. There is nothing those guys over there can't solve.

belfastgirl23

I'm really pleased for you too - it's sad how couples sometimes split up because they're both really stressed and can't find a way to support each other. If you aren't in love that's a whole different thing but I did think you sounded like you had caught things in enough time that you could do something about it. Well done you and it's nice to hear a happy ending

Oh and I second lavidaloca's suggestion about the DFW board - get this sorted out once and for all...

Mutter_2

Thanks so much for the update and thrilled for you that it's good news.
You're spot on regarding the ppi, and if he was self employed when it was sold to him, what you've paid already should be reclaimable. There is a lots of info at the top by Martin and a thread to show you how.

Best of luck.