Single motherhood looming...

huggermugger

I am also bursting to say that some of the replies on here seem extremely judgemental and could people please stick to answering the questions that have been asked rather than making snap judgements based on very little actual information? Things are obviously difficult enough for SJC73 without her being made to feel guilty as well. She obviously cared enough about her relationship to go to Relate (and obviously not just "jumping ship") and is facing her situation with enormous bravery and common sense. Grrr!

huggermugger

reallystressed wrote: »

hi
i am replying to this thread cos my situation is a bit similar to yours and i am new and do not know how to start a new thread
i am a mum of three and my relationship has pretty much completeley broke down , cause of most stress is money my partner is self employed and earns well but has managed his business terribly , this is a big cause of stress as i have tried so much to help him but he doesnt seem to even be doing the most simplest things , so is losing money on fines late payment charges etc unnecesarraly
we also have quite a lot of financial commitments
i only work part time earning hardly amything we have claimed tax credit in the past but only got the very basic element because of our earnings , and to make things worse we owe an overpayment of £128
i phoned tax credit the other day and she told me what i would be entitled to
i am so scared because i dont know how to put anything into practice , he has said he will pay the mortgage , i will take on the ct gas elect food tv and phone etc , but what happens with our credit cards and we have a loan from our bank which is joint account , do we just try and each pay an equal share or shall i try and take over one credit card he take the other and we try to come to an arrangement with the loan , i dont know what to do who do i need to tell that we are seperated ? i dont think i can tell the mortgage people because basically he pays all the bills now as he earns all the money and i wouldnt be able to take over the mortgage shall we keep the joint account ? all the bills are dd and if he and i both keep to our arrangement then everything would still get paid , i dont know what to do or how i am going to survive
can anyone advise me please ?

hello reallystressed :hello: - I'm really sorry to hear about your problems and I hope you do find some help but starting your own thread really is the best way to go and it sounds to me like the board you most need to be on is the debt board under "Pure Money".

If you go to the top of this page and click on "Forum" (in blue) that will take you to the main forum index/home page. At the top of that page there's a permanent post headed "New Moneysavers please read this" which tells you how to post etc.

This board is all about Tax Credits etc and it sounds like you've talked to them so hopefully they're sending you a form. If you are claiming in your own right you need to be living alone and working at least 16 hours a week, tho you may already know that. If you're working less than 16 hours you would need to claim Income Support. Personally, I'd avoid that if I possibly could.

There's a great website www.entitledto.com which helps you to work out what financial help you may be able to get, based on your earnings, how many kids you've got etc. There's lots more information elsewhere on these boards tho I know it takes a while to find your way around.

I don't think you can be forced to pay back overpayments if that would cause great hardship and I've always found the Tax Credits bods incredibly helpful tho the system can be very complicated. Be honest with them and they will do what they can to help. Any mortgage payments etc from your ex would be counted as maintenance and would not count as income for the purposes of Tax Credits.

My instinct is that you need to separate your finances as much as possible but again, that's not really a subject for this board. Go to the other board and ask questions there but try to keep it as specific as possible.

Do you know anyone else who is a single parent or who has split up with a partner or husband in the past? My greatest support was other people who had already gone through what I had, so try to find someone to talk to.

I've got to go to bed now but will drop in here again. Try to stay strong, for your own sake & for the sake of your kids. You will get through it and it will get better but you will have to take control of it all. It's not easy but it is possible & being here is a very good place to start as you will definitely get the help you need. I would send you a smiley hug but for some crazy reason there isn't one so it'll have to be verbal - have a hug!

reallystressed

oh thanks so much , i will do that i am new on here and havent quite found my way around yet , but thanks for the advice and the hug really appreciate it

linda63_2

Giving benefit and money advice can be very risky and more information might be needed. Do you have a Children Centre in your area? They have all sorts of advisors linked to them and it sounds as if you both need to sit down with someone who has benefits and money expertise. Citizens Advise might also help.