Single motherhood looming...

SJC73

Further to my post the other day about IB. My OH and I have been to Relate and to be honest I can't see a positive outcome unfortunately.

I've sat down and worked out my incomings based on increasing my hours to 24 a week (subject of course to being able to) and will bring home £1318/month including pay, child ben and CTC. My outgoings however total £1845 without factoring in 3 kids needing shoes, clothes etc.

I've been on entitled to and will be ringing the TC people in the morning, how can I find out if I'll be entitled to any other benefit should I be unable to increase my hours at work (I've also got an interview for a poss evening job which could poss net me another £250ish a month but not guaranteed). Am also going to CAB but earliest I can get there is Tues next week.

Thanks again for all your help was appreciated the other day. S

Oldernotwiser

You need to factor in your OH's maintenance payments for the children; you seem to have missed those off and this should cover the shortfall.

Staying together isn't the only positive outcome for going to Relate; parting amicably, sharing arrangements for the children and learning not to make the same mistakes are all things which you might come away with after your sessions. Good luck.

kelloggs36

That's assuming he pays - it is never good to rely on that money as his circumstances may change or he may decide that he doesn't want to pay and could cause no end of problems - not saying he will, but it is a definate possibility.

Oldernotwiser

kelloggs36 wrote: »

That's assuming he pays - it is never good to rely on that money as his circumstances may change or he may decide that he doesn't want to pay and could cause no end of problems - not saying he will, but it is a definate possibility.

I do understand that these things happen, but sometimes expecting it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Hope this isn't the case here.

LizzieS_2

Is the separation purely down to money? Even if it isn't, TBH the timing is not really appropriate.

Marriage vows say "in sickness and in health" and even when people are not married they should follow the same vow when having children, rather than jumping ship when the income suddenly falls due to illness.

Sorry that sounds harsh. Your outgoings do seem rather high - have you looked at the debt free wanabie & olde style boards?

SJC73

Seperation isn't down to money at all. He's an alcoholic, yes the timing is bad but his behavious is starting to affect the children and I have to look out for their best interests as well as my own. I take my marriage vows seriously and I have done my best to stick to them this is why we are also going to Relate.

Outgoings are high largely due to the mortgage but will look at the other boards, have tried to get the best deals as far as house, pet & car insurance are concerned. Oldernotwiser, I haven't factored in any money from him as he isn't working/ can't work due to an injury. Thanks though.

Oldernotwiser

SJC73 wrote: »

Seperation isn't down to money at all. He's an alcoholic, yes the timing is bad but his behavious is starting to affect the children and I have to look out for their best interests as well as my own. I take my marriage vows seriously and I have done my best to stick to them this is why we are also going to Relate.

Outgoings are high largely due to the mortgage but will look at the other boards, have tried to get the best deals as far as house, pet & car insurance are concerned. Oldernotwiser, I haven't factored in any money from him as he isn't working/ can't work due to an injury. Thanks though.

If he's an alcoholic and/or injured he might be eligible for disability benefits, some of which could come to the children. Won't be much I know.

celticwoman

I have recently parted company with my alcoholic ex husband too and my heart goes out to you at this time. I have survived though and in fact am finding myself coping well on a small self employed income without maintenance payments from my ex too. The Working Tax Credit and Child Tax Credit system has helped me enormously as a working single parent of three children. The best piece of advice I would give to you is to evaluate every last penny you spend for it's necessity. Also look at the savings you will make without your husband. I have ended up with a small savings fund for the first time in years and although I won't be jetting off anywhere exotic in the near future i now have a happy, peaceful home with three much happier children too. Though my sense of having failed him as a wife was enormous the children's needs ultimately make my decision to seperate worth it. They all openly say they are much happier now he doesn't live with us. Good luck.

SJC73

Thanks celticwoman am having a wobbly day today and struggling with feeling as though I've failed people, but this is a bad time of year for me. I know that my children are happier (particularly the eldest) and have to keep that in my mind when I wobble. Am going to go back and have another look at entitledto to see what hours it will best benefit me to do, my boss is being very nice which is very helpful. Thanks again all.

reallystressed

hi
i am replying to this thread cos my situation is a bit similar to yours and i am new and do not know how to start a new thread
i am a mum of three and my relationship has pretty much completeley broke down , cause of most stress is money my partner is self employed and earns well but has managed his business terribly , this is a big cause of stress as i have tried so much to help him but he doesnt seem to even be doing the most simplest things , so is losing money on fines late payment charges etc unnecesarraly
we also have quite a lot of financial commitments
i only work part time earning hardly amything we have claimed tax credit in the past but only got the very basic element because of our earnings , and to make things worse we owe an overpayment of £128
i phoned tax credit the other day and she told me what i would be entitled to
i am so scared because i dont know how to put anything into practice , he has said he will pay the mortgage , i will take on the ct gas elect food tv and phone etc , but what happens with our credit cards and we have a loan from our bank which is joint account , do we just try and each pay an equal share or shall i try and take over one credit card he take the other and we try to come to an arrangement with the loan , i dont know what to do who do i need to tell that we are seperated ? i dont think i can tell the mortgage people because basically he pays all the bills now as he earns all the money and i wouldnt be able to take over the mortgage shall we keep the joint account ? all the bills are dd and if he and i both keep to our arrangement then everything would still get paid , i dont know what to do or how i am going to survive
can anyone advise me please ?

huggermugger

SJC73 wrote: »

Thanks celticwoman am having a wobbly day today and struggling with feeling as though I've failed people, but this is a bad time of year for me. I know that my children are happier (particularly the eldest) and have to keep that in my mind when I wobble. Am going to go back and have another look at entitledto to see what hours it will best benefit me to do, my boss is being very nice which is very helpful. Thanks again all.

Want to say been there, done that and sold the T-shirt at a car boot sale but that sounds far too flippant...

What I will say is I know exactly what you're going through and even ten years plus down the line it still makes me go a bit cold... I echo everything celticwoman says & more - it was the best decision I ever made and all of us (including him, ironically) are much better off and much happier. Working Tax Credit is what keeps us afloat as well and although it has it's faults, as long as you keep them informed of all changes, however small, it seems to work well.

imho you shouldn't count on getting anything from your OH - if you can manage without it, do, & then if it does come in it's a bonus. My ex does his best but in the past payments have been erratic and couldn't be relied on. (just realised that's been said before but it's a very common story in this situation, I'm afraid).

In the past, I've put the kids in with me & let out a room to keep going - you will do what is needed to support your kids but maybe don't make the mistake of going out to work too much especially at the beginning - I found my kids really needed me around.

Paring down outgoings is a subject for another board. You seem to be doing as much as you can for the moment. Let us know how you get on.