Would I be stupid if I did this?

Notsosharp

Hi all.

I don't really know how to fit such a long story into what will probably be a short post....ATM I am being taken through the courts by my ex partner as he wants parental responsibility and also to take his daughter up to Scotland instead of visiting her down here. I never had a problem with it previously but then something happened involving my daughter and his 14 year old son that I CANNOT risk happening again so I put a stop to the visits up there.

I have never ever stopped him from coming here to see her, I have offered him my house to stay in (I would go to my parents whilst he was here) but he was unwilling to do that cause his girlf wouldn't like it.

Its the PR part that really rankles with me, he has contributed nothing financially or otherwise to her upkeep. He only ever calls her once every two weeks, other than that I don't hear from him from one week to the next.

Today I had to go and buy my child some shoes, normally my parents buy them but they are flat broke too.....I am so angry at him, and I was thinking I would send him the receipt for the shoes and ask for payment of the money? Its just that I am sick of paying for everything and taking care of her all the time whilst he is dragging me through the courts doinge everything he can to ensure they know I am a bad mother (I'm not, but its not easy doing it all on my own).

Is this just a petty thing to do considering the court case and everything or is it a perfectly reasonable request?

FingersCrossed_2

I have no idea where you stand from a legal perspective. However, I would be thinking, if he has never paid towards looking after her, that is going to surely work in your favor. If you send him the receipt and he pays for the shoes he might cast it up to show he does contribute?! Just a thought.

Good luck

charlottecarter

This probably won't be a popular answer but...

My husband and I are raising my step son and his mum never pays towards anything ... BUT I don't want her to either. Why should she? She doesn't see him very often, rarely goes to see his shows, she's not there on Mother's Day, doesn't run in the Mum's race at Sports Day, doesn't get to see his face when he opens his Christmas presents... I know all this is her choosing but I still don't think she should have to pay for stuff like shoes and things - she doesn't get to do the upside of being a parent, why should she have to pay for the down sides? I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE CASE IN EVERY SITUATION and I know there are plenty of people around who need to step up to the plate and take responsibility for their children - I'm just telling you how it works for us!
I don't think there is very often a right or wrong answer in these situations - parenting is tricky enough when you are doing it with the love of your life - nevermind when you are trying to work it out with someone you don't like any more!
In any situations we have with my step son's Mum we (me, my husband, step son's mum and step dad) always try and think about how our son would feel about the decisions we had made... would he think we had been fair/sensible/!!!!!y/childish/petty... It's not always easy but that tends to keep us on the straight and narrow!

Savvy_Sue

I certainly wouldn't do it right now. If you do, you risk him saying "She can't even afford to buy her shoes ATM, she would obviously be better off with me."

Better to leave it and show that he does not support your DD financially.

I presume you have, however, been to the CSA?

nealallen

J must say, the courts won't take his case very serious when they find out that he don't contribute to the upbringing of your child. Maybe you should call the CSA and inform them of his neglect to make payments.

Maybe a letter from the CSA to him with an invoice for all the back payments may give him food for thought

lowis

I agree, don't bother being petty about the shoes, go through the CSA and get some proper financial assistance from the father of your child.

pinkshoes

This probably won't sound popular, but he's wanting his daughter to come and live with him, which you are now denying, and yet you're complaining he doesn't contribute anything.

What did he say/do over the issue with his son? Can this not be resolved? Are you offering to pay half the costs for him to come down and visit his daughter?

skintchick

How old is your daughter? And what happened? If she is a similar age and they were fooling around then surely your ex could speak to the boy and tell him it must never happen again. And if it was against her will surely a conversation should have been had anyway?

Notsosharp

pinkshoes wrote: »

This probably won't sound popular, but he's wanting his daughter to come and live with him, which you are now denying, and yet you're complaining he doesn't contribute anything.

What did he say/do over the issue with his son? Can this not be resolved? Are you offering to pay half the costs for him to come down and visit his daughter?

He is not wanting his daughter to come and live with him at all, he only ever sees her twice a year and that includes when she was allowed to visit up there. As for the issue with the brother, he was 14, she is 6 and he has done NOTHING to try and resolve it short of phoning me up and bullying me to try and get his own way. He has already told me he is going to bankrupt me and also a particular favourite of mine "chew on my flesh until there is nothing left and then chew on my bones"

I truly, truly believe this has nothing to do with wanting to see his daughter and everything to do with getting one over on me and proving that he has power over me.

And no, I am not willing to pay half his costs of him coming to see her, as far as I am concerned I have offered him my house to come and stay in and its HIS responsibility if he wants to see her to make sure he has the money. After all, its me who has to try and get the money together every day to look after her. He is not any worse off then I am, in fact probably better off because he works (I'm a student) so I don't see why I should even contemplate it. Please bear in mind he is not complaining he does not see her often enough, just that he can't bring her up to Scotland.

And as for the CSA, they are nothing short of uselss. Because he is a student he doesn't have to pay anything but I feel that he can at least contribute something even if it is just the cost of a pair of shoes every now and again. I am a student too yet I manage to find the money to look after her, not to mention pay child care. Is it too much to ask that he contributes something? This man wants all the rights with NONE of the responsibilities.

I am fed up with being reasonable, its getting me nowhere and no one is listening to me.

onehitwonder

... because he works (I'm a student)
...Because he is a student he doesn't have to pay anything

Sorry so is he a student then? Also if you don't claim any money off him are you claiming more off the state because of this?

And no, I am not willing to pay half his costs of him coming to see her

and why would anyone in their right mind expect you to pay half of his costs?

Notsosharp

Yes, I probably am claiming more off the state because he won't contribute.