Can I help my Mum get out of debt?

Sarahsaver

Just paid off a sizeable amount to stop her getting evicted, she kept reassuring everyone it was 'all sorted' when the eviction notice dropped thru the door before xmas. There goes my paying off the credit card early money.
She has other debts afaik about £7000
She is 67 years old
she is a compulsive spender
she lives too far away from me for me to 'keep an eye on her'
she didn't either understand the implications of the eviction notice or care at all about the outcome
she is suspiscious of myself and my sis trying to help her.

Sis didn't want to become jointly responsible for mum's debts ( ive been told you can do this) because she would also get a poor credit rating, same here.
mum would not consent to power of attourney.

Any ideas?

Xbigman

You have my sympathies. You need to ram it home that she is in trouble so its time for a showdown. Go to her house, go outside and lock the door and walk off with the keys. Tell her this is what homelessness is. This is pretty drastic but you need to try something.
Have a chat to the council about rehousing her. Does she own where she lives? If she is evicted because of failing to pay mortgage/rent they do not need to rehouse her. Get a letter saying that and show it to her.
There are harsher ways of doing this but you need to realise you will be paying off more of her debts in future unless you do something. Also ask yourself what you will do if she is homeless and turns up on your doorstep?
Regards



X

Spendless

Sarahsaver wrote:

Just paid off a sizeable amount to stop her getting evicted, she kept reassuring everyone it was 'all sorted' when the eviction notice dropped thru the door before xmas. '
she didn't either understand the implications of the eviction notice or care at all about the outcome
she is suspiscious of myself and my sis trying to help her.

Any ideas?

Sarah- I don't really have any suggestions, hopefully someone else can, but does she understand that without you bailing her out, she would now be homeless?

Sarahsaver

she has not even thanked me. Quite a sizeable part of me thinks I have done the wrong thing, and she is both too old to change her ways or to pay off the rest of her debt (no disrespect to older people);)

rchddap1

Some people simply put can't see the wood for the trees. They stick their heads in fast drying concrete thinking that the problem simply isn't there. Some of these people you can get through to eventually.....others realise just before the end is nigh......and the rest won't even admit to it or do anything about it when the problems start. Sounds to me like she is in the last category. I don't think that there is a lot you can do except be ready to pick up the peices.

The problem with setting yourself up as responsible for her debts is that she has to stop living beyond her means. If you think that she will continue to spend if you take on her debts then there is little point in you trying to help her. She has to genuinely want to sort the problem for good. Afterall if you take on a £7k debt....you don't want her to run up another £7k debt (or even worse).

She is yet to have her 'wake up moment'....the best thing that you can do is to talk to her and help her non financially.

Apple_2

Agree with all of the above. It sounds like :

1) Your mum resents the fact that she has to rely on you and sister
2 ) She won't change her behaviour because you'll always be there to pick up the pieces.

Difficult situation - you have my sympathy. I've had an even worse thought ! If your mum were to be made homelees would she expect to come live with you ? Seems like you're always the safety net.

Good Luck

fannyanne

this is my first post so forgive me if I break protocol. I just wanted to say that your situation sounds very similar to mine. One of the (many) reasons for my current serious debt crisis is that I have bailed my parents out since I started work when I was 13! My mother is the real problem. She has been declared bankrupt twice and both times was probably the best dressed person in the court. She is a lovely, kind and generous person but she is mainly generous with my money. I do have a very good job and I think we've all (four siblings included) decided that I am the one with the bottomless pit of a bank account. Well, I've just bottomed out and have to break it to all of them that I am very seriously skint. I have two teenagers to get through university and I have to prioritise. My debts = my age in years and my yearly salary and I have to do something about it. I've cut right back, economised etc but still can't find the courage to tell my mum that I can no longer subsides her on a monthly basis (£100 per month). I went round to her house at Xmas for a meal I'd paid for to see her in fantastic new clothes, dishing out presents when I couldn't afford to do either. However, I know she is so bad with oney that if I don't give her any she is likely to end up in trouble again. I'm determined to have this very difficult conversation and find the posts on this site a tremendous support.

skintchick

REmember that elderly poeple often can't cope with things - my nan has just had a mastectomy in her 80s, and even as she was going into hospital for the op, having been TOLD she'd be there a week, she asked if she'd be home in time for tea She isn;t stupid, just scared to death, and I think your mum is too.

That doesn't make it any easier, but she isn;t deliberately doing it to annoy you - she is petrified and doesn;t know what to do.

You need to take over, speak to her creditors, arrange payemebnt plans, etc., for her and just tell her what is happeneing. Explain that oyu want to do that to help her so she doesn't have to worry any more.

Sarahsaver

They won't let us speak to them unless one of us has power of attorney. The loan I just paid off for her they were SO nasty, they even refused payment saying mum had to pay it herself, until she gave me the account no.etc. and i just went ahead and did it anyway. I really don't think she understands that a loan secured on the house for a fraction of the value of the house was a monumentally daft thing to do when she's supposed to be retired.
She's behind on her 2 other debts a loan and a CC. I am worried someone else will give her credit again, after all the unscrupulous ones like she had THIS loan from will do it if it's secured - they are guaranteed to get their money returned.

Spendless

Sarah-are there any other family members who could speak to her, more of her age group, has she any siblings for eg. Do you think she'd be more willing to accept help/advice from someone closer to her in age and not as closely related as you and your sis?

Sarahsaver

They don't believe us! I tried that one:( unless they saw her bedroom/miss havisham style spooky hoard of unworn clothes, shoes, unused stuff I don't think they would believe it.