Ex Partner

love24

Hi everyone


I am unsure where to post this so please feel free to move it to the correct part of the forum.

Around a year and a half ago I left my ex partner because I was unsure if I still was "In love with her" we were together for almost 6 years and have a 4 year old child.
I have over the past few months been thinking about her and how I wish I had just put our relationship on hold as it were instead of ending it.


I only spoke to her a few months ago over the phone, she sent me a text saying "I never forget what we had, it was special and I always carry our thoughts in my heart and mind nomatter what"
After reading it, I got upset, I have manytimes read it since and done the same.
I now know I made the biggest misake of my life.

I have heard from friend's that she still asks about me and cares.
I want to tell her how I feel but I am unsure how too, I don't see her anymore as we arranged it via a contact centre.
Do I tell her that I am still inlove with her and if so what way is best to/over the phone, in person or writing it down or do I just get over her?!
Even though I think that is going to be impossible.

I don't want to tell her I still love her only to make thing's more harder for us both.


Any advice is welcomed.


Thank-You

elaine373

love24 wrote: »

Around a year and a half ago I left my ex partner because I was unsure if I still was "In love with her" we were together for almost 6 years and have a 4 year old child.
I have over the past few months been thinking about her and how I wish I had just put our relationship on hold as it were instead of ending it.
Sorry if this is going to sound harsh but, when you love someone you do not run off when and if it suits you. we all get fed up and doubt our relationships at times.what you could have done is see relate or similiar to work out what was happening in your relationship. You still should, before you declare your undying love again, and therefore messing with her head.Also, being`in love` doesnt always last in alot of relationships, but what should follow is a a love that is built upon trust,affection,companionship and `being there` for each other as well as other things.If you are looking for a relationship that keeps the honeymoon feelings, then you are going to probably never find that, whether it be with your childs mother or anyone else.

I only spoke to her a few months ago over the phone, she sent me a text saying "I never forget what we had, it was special and I always carry our thoughts in my heart and mind nomatter what"
She wasnt the one who walked out and is also the mother of your child, so I am not suprised she may still love you.

After reading it, I got upset, I have manytimes read it since and done the same.
I now know I made the biggest misake of my life.
Get an appointment with relate to work out what you are feeling.
I have heard from friend's that she still asks about me and cares.
I want to tell her how I feel but I am unsure how too, I don't see her anymore as we arranged it via a contact centre.
Do I tell her that I am still inlove with her and if so what way is best to/over the phone, in person or writing it down or do I just get over her?!Are you? you doubted it before and walked out, its easy to think of all the positives when you have had a break.(Grass being greener and all that)
Even though I think that is going to be impossible.

I don't want to tell her I still love her only to make thing's more harder for us both.
You may or may not be able to get back together, but you need to be sure.There is a child involved as well.you cant just up and leave each time you have doubts. No relationship is plain sailing and takes alot of hard work.
I wish you all the very best.

98jdougl

As elaine mentioned, relate may be worthwhile. Perhaps speak to her in a grown up way sy that you are having feelings again but you dont want to rush it, what about the pair of you attending counselling together?

Jo_R_2

love24 wrote: »

Around a year and a half ago I left my ex partner because I was unsure if I still was "In love with her" we were together for almost 6 years and have a 4 year old child.
I have over the past few months been thinking about her and how I wish I had just put our relationship on hold as it were instead of ending it.

Would putting things on hold have made you realise that you were in fact in love with her and you could have resumed things? And what has made you realise after a year and a half that you are in love with her? What was the relationship like for you to feel that you were unsure of your feelings any longer?

The thing is, as elaine 373 has said, it's not just you and your ex you have to think about. You have a child together and you have to consider them in all of this. What if you got back together and you then realised you weren't actually in love with her, think of the effects that would have on your child.

I'd take some time - after all there's no rush - and have a serious think about what your feelings are and your motivation before you make any decisions.

jscalow

Move on, you can never go back I'm afraid.

Errata

How about telling her you made the biggest mistake of your life !

duchy

Whose idea was it to use a contact centre-and why ? Was there a specific reason to cut all contact ?

mum2g1b

Well I agree that I think you should see Relate or similar to sort out your true feelings before you speak to your ex.

This might seem harsh but are you wanting to go back because you have had 18 months alone and nothing "better" has come along so now rather be alone you want to go back?

Have you realised the mistakes you made in your relationship and the changes you need to make etc? Again Relate could help with this.

Of course this all could be a moot point because despite still saying she loves you she may not WANT to rekindle a relationship- are you prepared for that?

Your child should be you first consideration- you can't go back and then 6 months down the line say "Oh sorry its not working- bye!"( I am sure you realise this).

Cazza

I split with my partner of 9 years earlier this year, it was completely his decision and I was gutted. I was fortunate that there were no children involved however, so that does make my situation less complicated.

At the time, he was very unsure if he was making the right decision but felt that to be fair to me he had to go through with the break up as he felt it would be more unfair to sring me along with an "I don't know". I get the impression you might have felt in a similar way at the time of your breakup perhaps?

From my point of view, the only way I have been able to try to pull myself together and cope with my life has been to ignore the fact that he was unsure. I loved him so much, but wasn't able to cope with waiting to see if he had made the right decision, it would have meant putting my life on hold. By deciding in my own mind that he had chosen to end the relationship, I was able to cope.

I met up with him around 6 weeks ago, as we had some things to sort out from the property we owned together. He asked me if I would be prepared to meet up with him, to go out for a drink occaisionally and see how things went. I refused. Not because I don't love him, but because emotionally I couldn't cope with thinking there might be hope where there isn't. As I explained to him, we were together for 9 years, he knows who I am and what he would be getting if he wanted to get back together. Asking me out sometimes is just stringing me along and it's too much. I explained to him, that if he ever did feel that way, I would always want to know, so that I was able to choose what I wanted to do, but he needed to decide first and that it would be all or nothing. After that, I would decide if I wanted to take hime back. I haven't heard from him since, so perhaps that scared him off. Perhaps I might hear from him in a year's time, if he's going through the same emotional turmoil you are.

Just be 100% certain you know what you are doing and the situation you are putting her in. I couldn't cope with going through the past 4 months all over again, you need to be certain that you will never, ever cause her the pain and hurt again; if there's the slightest chance you might, then don't do it. X

Oldernotwiser

Can't you just take her out on a date and take it from there? You seem to be swinging violently between being in and out of love, which is pretty juvenile when there's a child involved.

Lucylocket01

Have you not had contact with your child in the last 18months?