It is tough NOW. So how are we coping

sammy_kaye18

taplady wrote: »

morning!

Sammy - I think you've been very restrained after finding those letters:T
My DH used to do this to me, not pay things I'd given him the money for etc so I took over all the finances completely and just gave him some weekly 'pocket money' which both of us were relieved about. I'm a much better manager of our money than he was.
You could do without all this worry in your condition.
The credit union sounds like an excellent idea:T

Morning! Am loving bumbling around MSE this morning - I usually check the forum then thats me done for the day but am relaxing this morning so having a chill out before I start my nesting..........I mean cleaning day.

Ah yes - my boyfriend is the type to ignore things and hope that the fairies take all his problems away - I, however, am not! Also being that hes 31 you would think he had a bit more common knowledge than that - fair play to him he is sorting out his debts - he has about £2200 left of what was almost £15K worth of debt this time last year so I cant whine at him too much as he did get off his backside and sort it himself but I think his parents are to blame a bit with his money carelessness. They bail him out when he's in trouble, spend freely and worry about consequences later, like their luxurys etc.

I am thinking of taking over the bill paying as I have always had a better head with money than him, just not sure how to go about getting us out of the debt that we seem to now be in :undecided although I know I give him most the payments for household things so if it comes straight from me then at least i know that payment is made and see if i can get any little extra together to help.

Really do need to get a grip of my shopping list again though - keep buying random things for bump which i don't budget in so it adds to my list but hopefully my health in pregnancy grant will be through soon so that's her taken care of now and some to start a savings account for her, everything else we have (second hand or given to us).

My mother is giving me an old PAYG phone on Orange that she has so she can put me as her magic number and think I'll top that up with £15 a month and if it goes then it goes - tough monkeys. Contract phone I'm on at the minute like i said has been cut off and it was meant to be £20 a month but the rates they charged for going over minutes allowance was ridiculous so think that will solve that.

as for the other bills - dentist i should be able to pay this month in one go hopefully to get us back up to date with that.
rent + water - i make regular monthly payments on and boyfriend pays the rent so they should come down or at least not get any higher
gas - hoping i can eeek out £100 onto that with some budgeting
electric - I should be able to get £60 on there

and catalogue ill have to ring to see about making regular minimum payments to them until we can catch up!

lol - means I will have to firmly plant my bum back on the OS wagon - rather than jumping off at every baby shop i pass to 'browse' at pretty pink things! although i guess it is a good incentive too to get back in my OS ways as I have very much slipped out of them recently!

Rummer

Good Morning!

There is lots of chat on here this morning!

Sammy I can so empathise with your situation as my OH and I were in the same position a few years ago and it is a horrible one to be in. He is not the best with money and many fight were orientated around money so I took over all the financial side of our lives. Now we are ploughing our way out of debt and our bills are paid every month. It took a lot of pressure off me as I no longer had the monthly dread waiting to see what would and wouldn't have been paid!

As soon as our debt has gone I am going to start a savings plan to build for our future.

UnluckyT

thanks everyone, i appreaciate it.
i try my best, but it just knowing what to do for the best and draw the line.

kidcat

Hi sammy kaye- like you I found out the true state of our finances when I found alot of letters hidden, I sat down and worked it all out and then I took charge of our money, but my OH still managed to run up more debt, eventually in desperation I deliberately defaulted his repayments knowing it was the end of his ability to get credit. It was drastic but very necessary. I then closed all accounts except mine and took full control, he moaned on occassion but the truth is he likes not having the responsibilty. We have been debt free for a while now and still have only my bank account and a savings account as we have found it so much easier to budget and keep on track that way. I did offer to open a bank account for him but he didnt want it. He is still terrible with money and when he has any he spends on junk but this way I can still put a limit on what he has access to.

UnluckyT- i agree sometimes you have to draw a line - it for their own sake. God luck

sammy_kaye18

WEll have taken frustration out on the house today and have so far


*cleaned the hallway
*washed the dogs bed
*fed dog
*cleaned the bathroom floor
*cleaned the bath
*cleaned the sink
*cleaned the toilet floor
*scrubbed toilet
*made our bed
*tidied bedroom
*put clothes away
*sorted ben's clothes into a pile
*sorted 'to be ironed shirts' into a pile
*cleaned down baby seat we found in the attic
*cleaned living room floor on hands and knees
*taken all clothes that had piled up into bedrooms
*put rubbish out
*hung washing on radiators/airers
*cleaned kitchen sides
*done dishes
*cleaned sink
*second load of washing on
*cleaned floor
*planned dinner - chicken stuffed with cheese wrapped in bacon, new pots and fresh veg
*pudding - something with apples when i decide what!
*been to pharmacy and got to pick up prescription after 4
*been to post office thats a 20 minute walk each way and opened credit union account
*helped Ben on his XBOX game!
*spoken to mother in law for a bit on phone
*spoken to sister for a bit on phone
*spoken to mother on phone
*looked at CBT test prices

so now think i deserve to chill out a bit being that I've done all the above and am 7 months pregnant!

Right its 2.40pm and I'm debating whether or not to start dinner early so its just a case of switch everything on when OH gets in. Am shattered though so think maybe a nap is my next option if i do prepare dinner early.

ginnyknit

Found out the other day that my Ds is having a bad time, took me time but he had the flu and came to see his Mum for some tlc. He didnt want to worry me what with my Dd living here whilst waiting for baby to arrive (daddy is in the army) and Dh being so poorly. But Mums always know when theres something wrong so he has been everyday for lunch and tea - he wasn't eating much as he was ill. After 3 days he is perking up and sorting out his problems and now is helping me out with jobs here in the garden. I sometimes wonder how I keep going but both my kids are loving and generous of spirit so at least i know I am appreciated. Its hard for us all at the moment guys isn't it and bad luck seems to follow when things are tight. So thinking of you all and crossing my flipping fingers for us all:grouphug:( thats really a group hug tho it looks a little odd!!!!

ceridwen

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

Morning Ceridwen! Long time no type! Hope things are good with you.

I have changed his bank account over so he has a basic bank account which he does seem to be going ok with and seems to have learnt that if he spends too much then he gets charges which messes up the payments for things. His job is mainly to blame as well though as he's use to bringing at least £800 home and with the work simply not being there his wages are dropping so cant completely blame his spending.

He has admitted though that the work colleague he is usually delivering with has a tendency to use fast food restaurants for 95% of his meals so he has been eating there or at road side cafe's a fair bit (ie he leaves fro work at 6am and isnt home until 5sh so breakfast and dinner 6 days a week! :eek::eek::eek::eek:) - other than that he buys the occasional magazine (I mean possibly once a month if that) so he's spending it on crappy junk food I think - soon to be remedied though as I'm getting back in my baking swing at the minute.

Also looking to join the credit union that runs from the local post office so I can get some savings together and have a fall back reserve should things go b**bs up with his job but its in my name so he's not allowed near it!

Him getting a Basic Bank Account and you thinking of joining the credit union sounds positive to me:TI've never been in a credit union myself - but they sound like a good idea.

Those work meals out OH is having will soon run away with the money - a few quid for one doesnt sound bad - but, when they become a regular habit, they will soon eat up the funds.....12 meals out a week (even if pretty cheap ones) will soon mount up...

Getting back into the baking habit sounds a good idea - its understandable that he will want something to eat at normal breakfast time - so, if he has something there ready with him, then that might help him avoid temptation. As for breakfast at home before he goes to work - I guess he has some breakfast before he goes?? I know porridge is recommended a lot as helping to fill a stomach until lunchtime - and I think it certainly helps. MInd you...I still have 2 slices of toast after my porridge myself - so, O.H. being a man - he might want that couple of slices of toast and an egg or two or something with them??

Take care...

bellaquidsin

Wow Sammy all that work, at this rate of nest building you'll soon have a new chick in it.

Bella.

charlies-aunt

Keep calm and carry on, my MSE friends! What idiot said that women are the weaker sex? Obviously they never read this thread

Frugalista -I am so sorry to hear your bad news, you must be devastated and feeling really down right now.
I can only echo what everyone else has said - I here for you too.
The one positive thing is that you have been there before, you have managed to get your family through the tough times and you have been the heart of your family sustaining them through hard times.
This time, its not going to be easy, its going to be harder than ever before and more painful and stressful but your unending love for your family will help you dig deep and get you and yours through this. Love like yours has a price beyond gold.

Be brave, be strong - If anyone can get through this - you can.

Toomuchdebt

sammy you make me feel lazy reading that list!!Where do you get the energy from??