rights of a sperm donor to lesbian couple

elainew

Barcode wrote: »

Re-read, and in the process, try to acquire some basic reading comprehension skills.

Maybe you should learn some manners

superstylin

elainew wrote: »

Maybe you should learn some manners

elainew wrote: »

What a load of balony!!! So people who can't conceive should just grin and bare it--I take it you have children as only someone who doesnt know the pain of infertility could talk such crap !!

pot calling the kettle black

elainew

lrr_2

Kids are not possessions to fight over. Maybe he doesnt want a "dad" role, maybe he is just curious of what his kid looks like?

foreign_correspondent

I think it would be nice if this didnt become too much of an arguement about sexuality etc - after all it is the OPs first post, so let not scare her off too much!!

Welcome to MSE ladies btw!

I am sure that the longing to be a parent can be strong, and affects people the same whether they are childless because they are gay, infertile, or just single.

However, just as the OP found she wanted to be a mum, perhaps the donor now feels he wants to be a dad - as I said before, if he is a safe person for the child to be with, I think it would benefit the child to have another person to love them, and I am sure it will not in any way threaten the bond the OP and her partner have with the baby.

whitewing

This is an intrusive question, and I don't mean it nastily, but I was wondering if the father actually knew he was being a sperm donor?

I guess that doesn't actually affect the outcome regarding access etc, but it may seriously affect things in the future.

peachyprice

Firstly you don't have a legal leg to stand on if you didn't got through the proper donor channels.

Secondly you have a moral obligation to let your donor friend be part of your childs life. How long do you think it's going to be before he/she starts asking who her daddy is? Will you lie to him/her and say you don't know? The child will know you and your GF didn't make him/her and has a right to know the truth about who did.

I have to agree with comments regarding the fact that you really didn't think this through before bringing this child into the world, which can be a cruel enough place for a child, without the added complication of their mothers not telling them the truth about their parentage.

lowis

Apart from anything else, children thrive and grow better with paternal input. It's why nature gives us a Mother AND a father. It's the natural order of things.

...but it doesn't mean to say other ways of doing things don't work. Just because someone is gay or single it doesn't mean they are suddenly incapable of being a good parent and loving a child properly.

The few kids i know who have same-sex parents are really well-adjusted, broad-minded, inquisitive little souls who seem to have bright futures ahead of them. The same-sex parents also seem to ensure that their children have contact with both sexes so that they have diverse role models. Perhaps this is something the OP should consider.

The couple of kids i know who have been raised by just a mother seem quite happy and normal too. In fact I can safely say that if the fathers of two of these kids had been in their life, they would have turned into nasty little scratters as their paternal role models are just useless oxygen thieves.

I don't know any single parent dads, but I am sure they can produce nice, normal kids as well.

Running_Horse

A lot of people are getting hung up about the sexuality issue. Take the word lesbian out of the OP and imagine a heterosexual mother wanting to exclude a father from a relationship with his child, not because he is unsuitable, but because she has decided that is how it should be. Would that be acceptable?

That is what happened to me as a child, and although you can force a child to accept such things, one day it will come back to haunt you. I can now visit my father in his home that treats dementia, and can even have a friendly relationship with my mother, but nothing will ever replace those lost years or ease the pain.

No doubt there are many single parent families who can cope and do a great job, but in this case the father wants to know his child. To deny that would just be downright cruel. Having recently become a dad myself, I cannot imagine even one day not with my little girl.

galvanizersbaby

Running_Horse wrote: »

A lot of people are getting hung up about the sexuality issue. Take the word lesbian out of the OP and imagine a heterosexual mother wanting to exclude a father from a relationship with his child, not because he is unsuitable, but because she has decided that is how it should be. Would that be acceptable?

I agree with you running horse - had the OP not put the 'lesbian' aspect in to the post I think the responses would be quite different but inevitably it has provoked the sexuality issue.
However this should not concern the child in question who I feel has every right to know his/her father