rights of a sperm donor to lesbian couple

ladies

hi there can anyone help we are a lesbian couple who concieved via home insemination the donor wants some involvement but that is not what we want the baby is 9 months now and the sperm donor doesnt and has never given money for upbringing he has been hastling for contact what shall i do? where do i stand legally?

KellyWelly

What sort of agreement did you have before the conception?

Why do you not want the biological father to have contact or input?

tsstss7

Is it not better for the child to have at least some contact?

lowis

i would avoid any conflict with him, and try to reach an agreement as amicably as possible, because at the end of the day he is your child's biological father, and one day your child may want to find out who his/her father is.

i would also suggest that if he wants contact then he needs to be more involved, and this includes financially.

sarymclary

I think this may depend upon who the donor was, how it was agreed, what kind of relationship you have had with this person, etc. If it was an anonymous donor provided via an agency on the internet it would be very different from a donor who you sourced yourself from say your male friends.

I have a friend who conceived her child via donor insemination, but she did this through her local health authority. The attitude to things done this way is that the child is the important person, and have their rights. So, donors no longer have a right to total anonnimity, although they have no legal or financial responsibility towards the child. It is more about the child's right to know their heritage. My friend conceived her child from a donation made prior to the new rules, and her daughter's biological father still has his annonimity, however he has written a detailed profile and letter about himself, which her child will be able to have when she becomes 18. She will not be given any kind of information about him that would enable her to contact him, or discover his identity.

Presuming this was agreed between friends, and there was no binding agreement signed by both parties, which could be upheld in a court of law, and based on the fact that the child is only a few months old, it may be that the baby's 'father' does have some rights, and if he wants contact he may well want to support financially too.

I think you need some professional legal advice. whilst I understand your reasons, as a lesbian couple, to keep your family unit confined to the 3 of you, it may well be that the law will not see things in such simple terms. Other than the fact that this may not have been the initial way things were intended to be, is there any other reason for you to not want this man to be involved with your child? I would like to hope that having chosen him to be a donor, he was a good person in every sense of the word to have been nominated with such an honour.

Good luck, and congratulations on your baby!

elainew

Have a look at www.fertilityfriends.co.uk they have a lesbian and gay page and also have a solicitor who will help with any legal problems x

elainew

a couple of links

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=216.0

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=398.0

Pssst

AFAIK any informal contracts drawn up before this child was conceived are not recognised in UK law. The father is still the biological father and the mother is the biological mother and nothing can chage that. It seems to me quite possible for him to seek an access arrangement either informally or via the family courts. I am assuming that this donation was not via a recognised authorised agency.

Equally, he has a responsibility to contribute to the childs upkeep,especially so in the case whereby the birth mother is in receipt of any kind of state benefit.

Vomityspice

I presume the insemination was not done at a licensed clinic? So the The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act (1990) won't apply!

The legal position is thus;

The father will be entitled to apply for a 'Parental Responsibility Order' under Section 4 of the Children Act 1989. This can either be done by consent, i.e. you both agree and it is then stamped by the court, or if you refuse, he can just make the application on it's merits. In addition (as it would be a gateway application), this would then not only give him legal rights to make decisions on behalf of the child, he would undoubtedly be wise to make a joint application for a Contact Order as well (Section 8)

The chances of him getting either/ both are high 95%+

There are downsides to his application (as well as benefits!)

Pro's - You can claim Child Support from him, the child will be entitled to inheritance rights, the child will presumably have access to the extended family (suport network?)

Con's - You have to accept that their is another 'significant adult' in your child's life.

In addition, have you considered the position if one of you dies? This may be problematic if the biological mother died. The other partner has no automatic rights to the child and biological father would be entitled to just collect the baby!!!

You could delay matters by asking that DNA is taken but as you already know that he is the father (presumably??) so this won't impeed things greatly.

Did you not consider all this before choosing a donar? Did you not think 'your' child has a right to know their father?

Steph998

I also have to query why you did not have a lengthy and indepth discussion with your donor before you made such a monumentally life changing decision to have his baby. What did you think - he was just going to give you the sample and conveniently walk out of your lives forever while you got the turkey baster ready? Some donors obviously do just that....but not the one you chose; and frankly it seems very remiss of you not to have sussed this out sooner.

Having a baby is a completely selfish thing for any person to contemplate - we have babies for 'us', not for the child that will result. But to have a baby when your chosen relationship does not allow it for purely biological reasons - ie. you are both female, is even more selfish.

Sorry, but your OP is all about you. What YOU want, what YOU should do.

You made a huge decision two years ago, one that impacted four people. Not just you and your GF. You obviously did not give this decision the crucial consideration it needed....now you just want the person you were so grateful to to just go away and leave you alone?

Isn't it about time you recognised that it is not all about you, it's about the best possible future for your baby. Apart from anything else, children thrive and grow better with paternal input. It's why nature gives us a Mother AND a father. It's the natural order of things.

And if that offends you, or anyone else, given your sexual orientation - I don't apologise, because it is true.

Running_Horse

Steph998 wrote: »

I also have to query why you did not have a lengthy and indepth discussion with your donor before you made such a monumentally life changing decision to have his baby. What did you think - he was just going to give you the sample and conveniently walk out of your lives forever while you got the turkey baster ready? Some donors obviously do just that....but not the one you chose; and frankly it seems very remiss of you not to have sussed this out sooner.

Having a baby is a completely selfish thing for any person to contemplate - we have babies for 'us', not for the child that will result. But to have a baby when your chosen relationship does not allow it for purely biological reasons - ie. you are both female, is even more selfish.

Sorry, but your OP is all about you. What YOU want, what YOU should do.

You made a huge decision two years ago, one that impacted four people. Not just you and your GF. You obviously did not give this decision the crucial consideration it needed....now you just want the person you were so grateful to to just go away and leave you alone?

Isn't it about time you recognised that it is not all about you, it's about the best possible future for your baby. Apart from anything else, children thrive and grow better with paternal input. It's why nature gives us a Mother AND a father. It's the natural order of things.

And if that offends you, or anyone else, given your sexual orientation - I don't apologise, because it is true.

Quoted in full because it is worth reading over and over.