Feeling a bit....blue

sarahs999

I've just had a meeting with my friend, who has just retrained to be a financial advisor. We've been friends since we were 10 and she knows almost everything there is to know about me, but of course finances are a different thing (although she knows the past few years have been hard). She's helping me to remortgage and she seemed quite surprised that we had no savings at all, and that we had no spare money left over at the end of the month . It's because I throw all our money at clearing our debts, but life has also been a bit crap to us over the past few years.

This isn't really a cry for help, but I just feel like I need to write it all down to help me feel better. I think we have been doing incredibly well given our circumstances, although it might not look it at first glance. My son was born three months' premature in 2005 annd had to stay in hospital for three months; I had to stay in for a while too. I aked work if there was any extra financial help avaialble to help me stay off longer, as the baby had come too early, but they couldn't help. So by the time my company maternity pay had finished (13 weeks) my son had only just come out of hospital! Obviously I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him so we took the plunge and took out an extra 10k on our mortgage to finance me to stay at home for the full year that my work allows. I had already saved 3k since I got pregnant to put towards the mortgage, but at that time my DH was a freelance musician and work was variable, so we needed the surety of the loan to make sure we could keep mortgage payments up to date.

Then our lodger left, losing us another £400 a month and we decided not to replace her because of having a young baby in the house. My husband then decided to retrain as a music teacher to give us better financial security. So then we had the cost of student loans, and because he didn't finish his music degree when he was a lad we didn't qualify for the £10k that all the other teachers get for training. So he had to keep gigging to bring some money in, while doing an intense two year degree to get qualified teacher status. Meanwhile I was back at work full time, but of course childcare costs are heavy. I have juggled and balanced all our card debts so that they are on 0%, but this year from about March to September we basically had to live on credit cards with a view to things being better in September, when my husband started his new job. To try and bring more money in we set up and ran our own business (a local magazine) which we then succesfully sold at a good profit when it became just too much work; I took on freelance editing work and I now run a little cupcake business too. Basically we have worked as hard as we possibly can while still trying to have a proper family life with our son. Our debts are slowly reducing; as of September we don't ever put anything on credit cards any more, and we are paying off what we owe. In that regard I know we are lucky, and hopefully we have reached the worst point of our finances (for a little while, at least!)

Yet I still feel a bit of a failure. Why is it that I've always worked hard and been quite sensible (I didn't even have a credit card til I was 30 as I didn't like the idea of credit), bought my house with money that I earned, and yet approaching the age of 40 I still don't have any savings, not even a tiny weeny emergency fund?

This isn't meant to be a 'woe is me' post. Well, I suppose it is a bit, but please don't be harsh. I'm very grateful for my gorgeous family and the fact that I have a roof over my head. I suppose I always imagined at this age I'd be more financially secure.

Congratulations and have a virtual cupcake if you've got this far!

CAFCGirl

ooooh a virtual cupcake eh? That'll go well with my cuppa

Firstly I think you've made tremendous efforts and perhaps instead of questionning yourself, you should be praising yourself.
You've had a baby, your husband has retrained, got a new job, you've set up 2 businesses,and have a beautiful family.
So what you're coming up to 40, and havent got any savings, the one thing you do have is the realisation about your situation. Imagine hitting 40, having no savings, living on credit cards etc, it could be a lot lot worse!

I think you and your husband are doing really ruddy well and should be proud of yourself for that.

You're taking responsibility and control of the situation, and that is a priceless lesson to learn!
Good on ya I say xx

urg123

Hi Sarah,

I just wanted to say that you have come a long way. Life happens to us all - you have worked hard to keep it going and things will get better. You have been putting down all the right stepping stones for your future. Don't let others judge you - you are the judge of you - and you have come a long way!

Well done and keep going.

URG x x

Milly1974

Gosh Sarah, I know exactly how you feel at the moment. That "I work hard, how come things aren't easier" feeling. I don't know if the thought that you aren't the only only one feeling like this will help, but you have made me feel more normal!

I guess when things are hard, you just have to be extra thankful for what you do have. A family supportive of all my crazy decisions, a boyfriend who would move heaven and earth to make me happy, friends who are there for me, and a job and place to live in these difficult times, even if it isn't what I always dreamed of.

I hope things start looking up for you soon.

Milly xxx

Ames

Oh please don't feel like a failure. You've done what was best for you at the time and no one can blame you for that. I know how you feel though, I'm always made to feel a failure because I live in a council flat on benefits, but at the end of the day I do a lot for my community and I'm respected locally for it. You've got a beautiful boy and I'm sure he doesn't care how much is in your bank account.

Have a virtual cupcake back!

iolanthe07

You haven't been a failure at all - you've done really well. When I read about musicians having to give up freelance and train as a teacher I always think of Mr. Holland and his Opus........!!

sarahs999

Thank you so much for your lovely and INCREDIBLY quick replies. I have tears in my eyes which is a bit inconvenient as I'm at work!

I suppose I've been feeling low too as we're trying to expand our family and I've lost two babies this year. It sort of adds to the general feeling of life being a struggle. I remember back in my twenties I seemed to be laughing all the time; big belly laughs are a rare occurence nowadays. I guess we could all do with some of those. xx

pepe2008

the very last thing you are is a failure Sarah.

Got any more cup-cakes left?

sarahs999

LOL, funny you should ask. I actually have one real one left - bought a load into work today for Children in Need and I'm just trying to flog the last one!

Jesthar

Sarah, honey, this doesn't sound like a failure in the least to me, this sounds like an overwheling success story of keeping it all together and solvent under adverse circumstances! Well done! :T

If anyone deserves the virtual cupcake aorund here, tis you:



~Jes

consultant31

Imagine getting to 40 and having massive savings in the bank, but no brilliant hubby or gorgeous, healthy son!!!!!!!!!

No contest is there??