CSA will be taking more than my weekly wage. PLEASE help!!!

rchddap1

No-one here wants to be mean or nasty. And we're trying our best not to appear to be so. However, most of us have been in your situation. We have been there and done that. We have been in debt...got in problems....and then cme out the otherside. What most of us found is that the best way to sort things is to take a good reality pill.

Pretending that things are okay is not the way to sort it. First is admiting the problem and second is taking all this hard advice, then a deep breath and working through it all. We will happily help you sort through all this.....and there are many more of the Debt free wannabe boards.

I'd suggest posting there with full details of incomings and outgoings and then people will be best placed to help.

If that isn't what you want to hear then I'm sorry, but if you and your partner are going to sort this you both have to be honest about things. Most of us found that out the hard way (and yes been in floods of tears). We are on these boards to try and help others sort themselves before things get too bad.

Think about things, grab a bar of chocolate and then get back to us. We are here to help if you want help. Your choice.

munkyface

For your information, not that it will mellow you in any way, I lost the baby

lauren_1

Why did you feel the need to put that in?

kelloggs36

My every sympathy. For your information, I have been in a very awful situation which my ex left me in - debt up to my eyeballs with a child to support but he chose not to. Did I blame him? Kind of - yes it was his fault that I ended up paying all the debt off because he did a runner despite being equally liable, however, I had to face facts - which were that I had no choice but to go without for many years - we are talking about 8 years of no new clothes (except charity shops), no holidays of any description, working all hours, having to pay my mum child support so that I could go to work (there was no help with childcare costs 17 years ago) and basically living hand to mouth. BUT I did come out the other side and can look back knowing that I took full responsibility for the situation I was in because I had no choice. YOu are in the same kind of situation. YOu need to just take stock of what you have and what you need to get to and then devise a way to get there. If it means, like me, you have to sacrifice being at home with your children, then it is a sacrifice you have to make. Nobody is being unsupportive, but you can't just sit and feel sorry for yourself - that won't dig you out of the hole you are in - practical advice and action will. I sincerely wish you all the best and hope that you sort yourself out. You will look back in years to come and wonder why you got all het up - it is difficult and will remain so, but it doesn't mean you will be destitute and be living on the streets!

LizzieS_2

munkyface wrote: »

For your information, not that it will mellow you in any way, I lost the baby

No it will not 'mellow' what I see as facts and ways to deal with those facts.

Anyhow, sorry to hear that news - I've been there myself so I do know how it feels.

Just an observation, there's not a great many weeks between your old thread and posting on here. Your feelings now are due to the loss and it is your husband (and is ex) who you are punishing for what is probably just nature. You can blame his ex for the debts, but it will never make them disappear - we can all pick and choose which parts of a partners past should follow into a new relationship, but in reality if those debts never occurred you may not have met your husband and have the child you now have. Yes you can say 'love is blind' and you never took in the enormity of the short-term effects on your future together, but you can also say 'love conquers all' and eventually with careful planning you will be debt free.

minimee_2

LizzieS wrote: »

No it will not 'mellow' what I see as facts and ways to deal with those facts.

Anyhow, sorry to hear that news - I've been there myself so I do know how it feels.

Just an observation, there's not a great many weeks between your old thread and posting on here. Your feelings now are due to the loss and it is your husband (and is ex) who you are punishing for what is probably just nature. You can blame his ex for the debts, but it will never make them disappear - we can all pick and choose which parts of a partners past should follow into a new relationship, but in reality if those debts never occurred you may not have met your husband and have the child you now have. Yes you can say 'love is blind' and you never took in the enormity of the short-term effects on your future together, but you can also say 'love conquers all' and eventually with careful planning you will be debt free.

Was that aimed at me?

LizzieS_2

minimee wrote: »

Was that aimed at me?

Are you also posting as Munkyface?

rchddap1

Its a pain when you have 2 people seeking help on the same thread. Comments get all mixed up. That is...if it is 2 people.