moral dilemma - student issue

silvercar

As you may know from previous postings, my eldest is now in his first year at uni. Similar to most students, he claims to have insufficient money to live off.

As a parent, I feel that he has enough money; that I give him extras; and that he should get a part time job if he can't live within the budget he has. I top up his loans with more than he would get if he were entitled to a full grant, so don't feel he is hard done by.

Anyway, the dilemma:

For the past few years I have donated annually to a university hardship fund set up by my former university to give grants to students who would otherwise find it difficult to remain on their courses. Only a small amount in terms of my income, but every little helps (I hope!).

So the dilemma is whether I should continue to do so or should I instead be giving this money to my own son?

The_One_Who

If he is getting more than what he would get with a full grant and still can't afford things then he needs to learn to budget and/or do what most students do and get a job. He will never learn the value of money and how to truly be independent whilst you are always giving him more and more.

Just my opinion.

Miss_Liquorice

I'm a student who works for pretty much all of the money I get - bar £70 a month from my student loan, and my mobile bill being paid for me by my parents (less than £20 a month). I pay my rent, food, travel, and all my other bills, and then figure out how much I (don't) have to spend on nights out, clothes etc.

It seems pretty obvious to me which students get everything paid for by their parents - usually they're also complaining about how 'broke' they are, but have just overspent on the nights out/clothes/computer games/etc. They seem to not have a real concept of money, as far as my experiences have shown. I know that parents mean the best by supporting their kids financially through Uni, as it is very stressful and a lot of hard work without the stress of a job on the side, but in the majority of cases I've seen, it ends up just ending up mostly in the pub, and the free time they have from not working just ends up wasted in front of Hollyoaks.

I don't think it should be a case of not giving money to the hardship fund so you can give it to your son - either you wish to continue giving to the hardship fund or you don't. If your son is complaining about being broke all the time, then he should do what most students do, get a part time job and start earning the money to support his social life.

Sorry if this was a bit of a rant! Just something that's a bit close to home unfortunately.

silvercar

Thnaks for that.

So, so true.

twisted-sister

I've been a student for 3 years and i've always worked roughly 20-25 hours p/w...it's certainly never done me any harm...in fact if anything its for the best...
-i am building up a CV and work experience for after uni.
-i appreciate my money more because i have worked for it.
-it gets you out an about and meeting new people.
-it gives you an idea of how to live in the real world.

I think working while at uni is a really positive experience that every one should try :j

silvercar

I agree that there is nothing wrong with working while at uni.

My dilemma is whether it is morally right to give money that will benefit other students rather than giving that money to my own son.

zzzLazyDaisy

I don't really understand the moral dilemma. Unless you are, yourself, treading a fine line financially, so it really is a case of 'either/or'. In other words, do you really need to divert the money that you pay to the hardship fund in order to ensure your son has enough money?

If not, then the question of whether you continue to donate to the hardship fund is surely a separate issue from whether you should keep dipping your hand into your pocket to bail out your son?

Put it this way - if you don't give him the money from the hardship fund, will he be so hard up that he would be entitled to make a claim against his own university's hardship fund?

Or maybe he should start living in the real world and get a job if he needs extra cash?

robbie_save

If you give him the money you should encourage him to take a part time job on say Saturday or 2 nights in the pub a week.

Then there is some commitment from him also.

mumps

It does depend on the course, some degrees are very time heavy. Also the need for support would be more understandable if he is at say a London university compared to somewhere with quite low living costs (off hand I seem to remember Cardiff saying they were a cheap place for students to live.)

I'm in HR management and I don't want my two working in term time, if you heard the state of some students begging for a shift off because they are overwhelmed with work but frightened of losing their job. I have one at university at the moment, I encouraged her to save through sixth form so she had a tidy sum to help her through and the bonus is her old employer gives her work in university holidays. I realise this advice is a bit late for your son.

kr15snw

silvercar, I would keep paying to the charity thing you do. Sounds like a lovely idea.

I would discuss budgets with your son, as it seems he is taking you for a ride (well trying to). How about instead of money you send him food packages? That way your helping him BUT he doesnt have the money to squander on booze and nights out, which most students do...

Elsterap

I am in my second year at uni and i blame having it easy for doing so poorly in my first year. Basically, my parents gave me money which meant i was out every night getting very drunk.

I'm more sensible now i'm more broke this year!