Need Help...think my relationship is over

Kerriebaby

Vomityspice wrote: »

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you did do something wrong!

You seemed only too happy NOT to tell him about your modelling assignment. It's a lie of ommission. Why would you think he would be happy about this? I'm not surprised that he might concerned enough to check the computer. Remember, you planted that seed.

Similarly, if he didn't say to you that he had, for example, slept with someone else, would that make it OK in your eye? I suspect not!

Talk to him about why you didn't discuss it before, and move on. In reality, given your circumstances, gaining an extra income seems a useful thing to be doing.

I know, I have done a truely awful thing, I guess it was a lie of omission. I feel so so stupid

Kerriebaby

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I guess maybe we will all have different opinions when it comes down to adult modelling (if that's the sort of modelling we are talking about here?)
I wouldn't really equate doing adult modelling to get extra needed cash and cheating on your OH by sleeping with somebody else as the same thing.
But I agree that the OP should have discussed this with her OH before going ahead (though she didn't go ahead as it turn's out)
Think a frank and honest discussion needs to take place and then both parties can explain motives and hopefully gain back some trust

No it didnt go ahead.

I guess a long talk is needed between me and my OH.

Kerriebaby

ameliarate wrote: »

Have you ever done any of this "modelling" before.

I am a bit confused really.Why wouldn't you tell him in the first place that you were thinking of doing it to help out financially? Having agreed to do it but then because he didn't like it cancelling, he should, on the face of things, be happy about it.

I suspect there is a bit more going on here.

I did do some modellinh years ago ( late teens ), but havent done or even thought of doing it since.

I didnt tell him, and I dont know why I didnt. I guess because I just wanted to be able to hand him some cash and for not to feel so stressed all the time.

I just dont know what to do, I feel so numb and helpless. Im dreading having "chat" because ive got a gut feeling that ive lost the best thing that has ever happened to me, and its all my fault

ameliarate

To be honest I think if you apologise for not having told him what you were planning and explain this to him

I guess because I just wanted to be able to hand him some cash and for not to feel so stressed all the time.

then I can't see why it should end your relationship, unless there is more to the modelling than modelling.

Does he know you have done it before and if so how does he feel about that?

I find this a bit confusing really. If you haven't had problems before this, apart from money, I really can't see why it should mean the end, unless as I say the modelling involved a bit more than just modelling.

I'm assuming you mean 'adult' modelling,

how far does this go?

Pssst

I'm not sure that we are getting the full story here.

There is a world of difference between fashion modelling and "adult" modelling which could span a wide variety of activities.

The reason why you didnt tell him about your previous modelling experience is surely because it may have raised some contentious issues between you and your OH?

IMHO the bottom line is that you are both adults and individuals.

If you think it is ok for you to earn some extra money by doing some "modelling" ,and you are totally happy with that situation,then thats fine but dont be coy about it. simply tell him the truth.

He can then decide whether it is something that he can accomodate or not.

Perhaps it isnt so much the "modelling" that is the issue but more or partly a percieved deceit or lack of honesty?

What does your OH think that your modelling entails? does he think that it involes physical contact of some kind?


You do need to talk and you need to be honest and open maybe with us but certainly with your OH.

Little_Otter

I dont think you have done something wrong, ok by not telling him this has caused a distrust issue, but you were doing it to try and help him out.
I have been offered 'Modelling jobs' before, and I have decided not to go ahead, my OH who I told I had been offered the jobs was fine for me to do it and wanted me to (as he knows the amount of money it can bring in - a lot if you are successful!) but I decided against it still.
I think your situation stems with your OHs insecureties, as you said you havn't given him any reason not to trust you. He should realise this is something you want to do (if you do) and it is your choice, which he should respect. He is spitting his dummy out of the pram to get his own way imo