Need Help...think my relationship is over

Kerriebaby

Oh and I have been together for 2.5 years and lived together for two. Things have been fab for the main, but we have had our ups and downs along the way ( naturally!? )

I did something really really stupid, I agreed to do some modelling to get some money toegther for us, as Oh was always stressed about money and we are seriously in the brown stuff. He found out about it, ( I hadnt done any ) and was obv very upset about it, he said that he doesnt trust me, and that he feels that he doesnt know me.

we had a big chat and we agreed that we would move on and work harder at us, and at our money situ.

I thought things were going to get better, and we were going to be okay. I logged onto my pc this morning, and I think he has been checking my PC. I have deleted the advert for the modelling, and I have emailed the people who said they wanted to use me and told them that I am no longer interested. I have never ever given OH any reason not to trust me, never even looked at another guy. I hardly ever go out ( by choice and being to skint )

I dont know what to do...feels like a big part of what was us has vanished, and I know essentially its my fault..I just dont know what to do. I love him so so much, and we had such big plans for our future together, kids, marriage, big house in the country, and now it just seems impossible. I feel like ive lost him


Need help ( and a big hug ):sad::sad::sad::sad:

galvanizersbaby

Big hug coming up Kerrie x

Sounds like you need to sit down and have another chat.

If doesn't sound to me as though you've done anything wrong (perhaps you should have spoken to him about the modelling beforehand if you knew he was unlikely to approve) but since you haven't actually done any it does seem that he's felt the need to check up on you and this is a trust issue

Talk to him asap x

Kerriebaby

Big hug coming up Kerrie x

Sounds like you need to sit down and have another chat.

If doesn't sound to me as though you've done anything wrong (perhaps you should have spoken to him about the modelling beforehand if you knew he was unlikely to approve) but since you haven't actually done any it does seem that he's felt the need to check up on you and this is a trust issue

Talk to him asap x

Thanks for the hug

Im so so scared that we will have this "chat" and one of us will say that it is over. I have never given him reason to not trust me, ( although when we got together I did tell him that im poo at relationships ) I know I cannot be with someone who doesnt trust me, someone who checks my personal and business emails, someone who checks my mobile. I know its my fault, and I know I should have suggested to him why I was going to do it, I was just trying to help him out, because of how stressed/ill he has been over money.

Im so worried

Vomityspice

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you did do something wrong!

You seemed only too happy NOT to tell him about your modelling assignment. It's a lie of ommission. Why would you think he would be happy about this? I'm not surprised that he might concerned enough to check the computer. Remember, you planted that seed.

Similarly, if he didn't say to you that he had, for example, slept with someone else, would that make it OK in your eye? I suspect not!

Talk to him about why you didn't discuss it before, and move on. In reality, given your circumstances, gaining an extra income seems a useful thing to be doing.

Emmzi

Kerrie, I'm assuming you mean 'adult' modelling, as that's the only kind I can think of to get reasonable cash in quickly.

This can be a huge deal for a guy, and I can understand why he may not trust you. I'd 'fess up, not make excuses, explain you were trying to help, but you were wrong not to discuss it with him first, and ask him what he needs you to do to rebuild the trust.

Good luck.

xx

kazwookie

Surely he could have gone with you on this modelling if you had gone ahead with it, after all it was above board so to speak wasn't it?

If my OH went through my emails/ phone etc WITHOUT

kazwookie

Surely he could have gone with you on this modelling if you had gone ahead with it, after all it was above board so to speak wasn't it?

If my OH went through my emails/ phone etc WITHOUT my permission (not that I have any thing to hide) I would go ballistic!! and tell him in no uncertain terms where to get off.

( the site has gone do dally)

pukkamum

You can get through this my dh is very untrusting and when he went through my emails he found an email i had sent to an ex.
We got through it, it took a while and i had to keep reassuring him but it actually made us stronger.
Keep up the apology's, tell him how you completely understand why he is so upset but you made a mistake and we are all human.
Offer him complete access to your emails and phone.
As the above poster says ask him what he needs from you to make things right, and do it.

galvanizersbaby

Vomityspice wrote: »

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you did do something wrong!

You seemed only too happy NOT to tell him about your modelling assignment. It's a lie of ommission. Why would you think he would be happy about this? I'm not surprised that he might concerned enough to check the computer. Remember, you planted that seed.

Similarly, if he didn't say to you that he had, for example, slept with someone else, would that make it OK in your eye? I suspect not!

Talk to him about why you didn't discuss it before, and move on. In reality, given your circumstances, gaining an extra income seems a useful thing to be doing.

I guess maybe we will all have different opinions when it comes down to adult modelling (if that's the sort of modelling we are talking about here?)
I wouldn't really equate doing adult modelling to get extra needed cash and cheating on your OH by sleeping with somebody else as the same thing.
But I agree that the OP should have discussed this with her OH before going ahead (though she didn't go ahead as it turn's out)
Think a frank and honest discussion needs to take place and then both parties can explain motives and hopefully gain back some trust

Vomityspice

Sorry for the confusion, but I wasn't trying to make a comparison between modelling and sleeping around, I was attempting to illustrate that a lie of ommission is just as harmful.

Hope that clears it up.

ameliarate

Have you ever done any of this "modelling" before.

I am a bit confused really.Why wouldn't you tell him in the first place that you were thinking of doing it to help out financially? Having agreed to do it but then because he didn't like it cancelling, he should, on the face of things, be happy about it.

I suspect there is a bit more going on here.