how to get my husband to leave

uganda

I must say J-Baby-Scotland, that you seem to be making a lot of comments for someone who clearly hasn't been reading the thread properly. Firstly, no-one is saying that Bonnie should keep her family together if that is making her miserable, if she and her husband must part then that is regrettable but necessary. But she has to take into account other people's happiness other than her own.

Why does the notion of her husband having done nothing wrong make you laugh? Unless there's something she's withholding from us, he has behaved impeccably, what she sees as criticisms of him are not criticisms at all.

Why do you describe this man as drab and unresponsive? Perhaps he is, but how on earth would you know?

And why do you think she is making a strong decision? It's easy to reject someone you don't love. In fact, she is being weak and indecisive. Strength would involve recognition that she needs to work with her husband to ensure happiness for their children after they have split up, not sleeping with someone to try to bring matters to a head.

And yes, I have endured life as I'd wish it not. We all have. Our own happiness is important to us, but our children come first, even if that means compromise and sacrifice.

Your arguments have no foundation. Disagree by all means, but try and build an effective argument before posting it for all to see.

blottedcopybook

My mother had an affair with a family friend and continued as normal in the family home until she was caught out by me. The entire situation was horrible for my father and the four of us and has left lasting damage both in our relationships with her, and in general because the four of us have real trust issues as a result of her deceit.

I think if you have any respect for your family at all then you need to be honest about the fact you no longer love your husband, and you need to leave. Eventually your husband and you can come to a financial arrangement regarding your assets but you're choosing to end the relationship because of your feelings - it's selfish and unfair to impose any more unsettlement and upset on your family.

Ember999

Harsh though a lot of these comments seem, people seem to feel a similar way. This man may not be your ideal dream man, but he is your husband is he not? You have slept with someone else and yet you expect him to leave? He should lose his home and his kids because you are basically bored and fed up of him? How differently you would feel if the boot were on the other foot no?

If you are unhappy, it is your place to leave. You have admitted to infidelity which is grounds for your husband to divorce you.

It shouldn't matter who brings the money into a family. A man is not less than a man because he stays homes and looks after the kids. Just as you are no more of a women because you earned money. Family money is family money, regardless of who earns it.

You are publicly slandering your husband on here, demoralising him as a man by the way you have worded your post. Maybe this is why you are not getting the sympathy you feel you deserve.

It may be better for you to leave as you are so unhappy hon.

Paparika

well i think Bonnie has well and truly been scared off now

Ember999

bonnie wrote: »

I'm trying to say, that he is making me dependent on him by doing everything for me. He thinks that he can make me helpless. yes he hasn't actually done anything wrong as in beating me up and going of. But i feel like i am in a prison with someone i can't stand next to me.
When he was at work he paid the rent and council tax and all the other bills were left for me to pay out of the kiddies money.

Maybe he was actually trying to make you happy by doing things for you - it's not beyond the realms of possibility is it? Many women complain the men in their life do nothing in the house, yet when a man helps out, there are complaints that the man is trying to take away your 'job' or independence. No wonder men feel so confused nowadays and don't know what women expect of them.

You got married for better or for worse...if it's worse, make it better. Work at it. Talk to him and explain how you feel.

miserly_mum

I've been with a man who cheated, did nowt in the house and took no interest in me or our children.

I'm now with a man who loves me and "our kids"(his and mine) does his share in the house, is faithful and honest. I know what one i'd rather have!!!

With some women I truly believe they'd need to have had a bad man before they can appreciate a good man.

littlepinky84

Honestly? why should he leave? you are the one that cheated, if he makes you unhappy YOU leave.

sometimes you need to lose something to make you realise how much you actually wanted it

Slinky

blottedcopybook wrote: »

My mother had an affair with a family friend and continued as normal in the family home until she was caught out by me. The entire situation was horrible for my father and the four of us and has left lasting damage both in our relationships with her, and in general because the four of us have real trust issues as a result of her deceit.

I think if you have any respect for your family at all then you need to be honest about the fact you no longer love your husband, and you need to leave. Eventually your husband and you can come to a financial arrangement regarding your assets but you're choosing to end the relationship because of your feelings - it's selfish and unfair to impose any more unsettlement and upset on your family.

This sounds like what happened in our family too. As a result my mother eventually left my dad, brother and myself. None of us has spoken to her willingly since (and in my case not at all since 1995).

oliver2008

bonnie wrote: »

, now he is on the dole he is driving me nuts.

If he was working would you feel different?

Paddy2eyes

Whatever happened to for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others?
Maybe you two could benefit from some counselling. If you loved him at one time surely it is worth trying to re-discover that, rather than split up a family.