I want to bash him repeatedly with a frying pan.....selfish OH

robnye

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

you have the boobs and they don't come out to play anymore until he pulls his weight.

and if that dont work, stop cooking/cleaning/washing his clothes..... saying you dont have the time because of looking after the kids.... etc

pinkshoes

lauren_1 wrote: »

Financialy we are ok, just keeping our heads above water.

But i like having my own money, I would like to see more of it!
£400-500 a month extra could make such a difference, at the moment ctc, wages and cb go in and bills go straight out, after food (drastically reduced thanks to the OS gang) i have £10 a week left.

I just want to be able to go to dd 'sod it, put the stupidly over priced HSM branded carp back in the trolley' have a treat or take ds to tumble tots or a activity place once a week, hey i might even save some!

Put it in man terms for him:

In Sainsbury, 8 cans of Kroenenburg are £7, so £500 a month is a whole 6857 cans of beer a year!!! All for giving up a mere bit of sleep and taking his own kid to nursery!

Start mentioning treats like a PS3, 42" Plasma screen, surround sound, all singing all dancing BBQs etc...

If that doesn't work, then I'm with whoever suggested the wrought iron frying pan!

Just keeping your heads above water is fine, but an extra £400 a month would mean nice treats and an emergency back up fund!

Nicki

It's a bit odd though that he used to be OK about this, and now isn't.

You say he has changed jobs and now only works 4 days a week. Does he work the same number of hours though just in less days? What time does he finish work. If he was, say, doing a 13 hour shift which finished at 10pm at night, I could see why he might not want to have to be up at 7 the next morning to take the kids to school if this wasn't completely necessary.

Also, how do his hours compare against yours? That's not to say you have to do all the housework and childcare but if, for example, he works 40 hours a week and you work 15, then it would make sense (and be fair) for you to do more of these things than him. Does he have to work at home outside of what he does during formal working hours?

Finally, have there been any changes to health? Has he been unwell or depressed? Did he lose his job, and have to find another one, which may have caused him stress? Is there an obvious reason why he would suddenly change overnight from an involved father to one who can't be bothered?

You could go down the confrontational route and feed him unappealing food, cold shoulder him in bed, nag him silly, etc if you really think that would help. Or you could try to find out why he's behaving the way he is and see if you can reach a compromise which suits you both, and in doing so maybe get the old willing to help OH back.

richardw

lauren_1 wrote: »

she doesn't mind it but i feel like i am taking the p!ss 2 overnights a week......I just want to batter him sometimes, he's so blooy selfish and pig headed...

She probably does mind a little bit....and has probably got her pan ready aswell!

kiwifruit_2

Im not one to advocate violence but im with the sisterhood on this one :j and i vote for the frypan - but one with a nice long flex so you can get a good swing - much like one of those Eastern European Olympic Hammer throwers

jellyhead

Would he be doing the childcare every day off he has, or just some of them? just wondering if he gets a lie-in that's all. My husband's shattered, and might feel a bit sorry for himself if I went to work on both of his days off, because a lie-in occasionally while the other one looks after the kids helps us both stay sane.Of course you deserve a lie-in as often as he does.

If he is just being a selfish pig - ask him to pay childcare on all of your days off so you don't have to look after his kids!

*Louise*

jellyhead wrote: »

If he is just being a selfish pig - ask him to pay childcare on all of your days off so you don't have to look after his kids!

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Yeah, wonder how he would feel if the roles were reversed :T

loobylou2

You've got my sympathy and support here. My OH is just like this too which is why I'm seriously contemplating leaving him as I'm sick of living with a dictator!!!! Had to smile though, have just been house hunting and he told eldest daughter who is 9 to stop behaving like a dictator whereupon I told him in no uncertain terms that I was no longer going to be dictated to by either him or the kids!!!!

loobylou2

:mad:You've got my sympathy and support here. My OH is just like this too which is why I'm seriously contemplating leaving him as I'm sick of living with a dictator!!!! Had to smile though, have just been house hunting and he told eldest daughter who is 9 to stop behaving like a dictator whereupon I told him in no uncertain terms that I was no longer going to be dictated to by either him or the kids!!!!

JimmyTheWig

Hmmm, let me see...

Before we can really judge we need some more info about working hours. Do I get the impression that he no longer looks after the kids on those evenings when you work because of his changed hours? I.e. does he now work evenings? So what hours does he work and what hours are you expecting him to have the kids?

What's his attitude to the family when you are all together - does he play his part then?

Maybe he feels daunted by having the kids all day. Is there some way you can ease him into it gently?

I take our three small children to a local dad's group on a Saturday morning. It's been brilliant for my confidence with them. Is there anything like this he could go along to?


But also I would like to point out something that stood out to me in what you said. What is the whole family ethos of looking after the children? How has this changed over time? The thing that bothered me was your first sentance - that your OH would _babysit_ the kids. Do you call it babysitting when he is at work and you are looking after them? If not, why then is it babysitting when he does it?
It strikes me that the whole ethos is skewed. You really do need to sit down with him and talk things through.