Got the Debt Free Date, time for a family?

Staciep88

Krystaltips wrote: »

I wasn't particularly young when I had DD... I was 23 when she was born... and at the time I still felt too young to be a Mum!

I echo what others have said, get yourselves debt free, get your own place and once you are settled financially plan your family... You don't know how it will be living with the in laws yet and no matter how well you get on with someone, living with them is something completely different!

thank you. i have lived with them before for a year so should be fine xx

clairec79

I was 21 when I got pregnant with my first (and 24 when I had the third) I enjoy being a young(ish) mum, personally I would wait till you have your own place (we moved in in the September, decided to try in the January) as it's so easy for the grandmother to take over if you are living in her home (even if she doesn't mean to) and you need the space to be you as a family.

One thing I would mention though you seem to think if you stay after the birth you'll be staying for months after your maternity leave, you could move out while still on maternity leave

mariagti

Hi, I have just posted on your DF post and just come across this post.

On your debt free thread you and OH are in a total of just over £12K, This will take some serious hard work to get clear in just under a year. Im sure it can be done but your wages are quite low atm.
Personally i wouldnt start TTC until yours & your OH's debts are compeltly clear. Then even save a bit before TTC.

Im 25 and have been broody for quite sometime now, i worked hard and became debt free this year. Fiance and i cant wait to start a family also, but even now im debt free we still worry if we could afford to live and have a baby as our wages are quite low too. So we're now saving AMSP.

Since start of this year i have been saving all my boots vouchers i get from surveys. Total so far is £100 of boots vouchers which will come in very handy for when we do have a baby. I have now started collecting argos vouchers for toys/furniture etc. Do you belong to all the survey sites?

Ideally, pay off all debts, get some savings behind you, rent a place.

daphne_descends

Don't try for a baby before you have your own home. Seriously.

Baybee1984

Staciep88 wrote: »

Thank you Baybee1984. I take it from your name you are 23/24? And you have a son of 4years and 5months old - making you 19/20 when you gave birth? Do you mind me asking how you found it being a young mum? thanks

Hi, yeh I'm 24, almost 25. And I was 20 when I gave birth to my little man. I love being a mum, always have! Some may say that was young to become a Mum but not a decision we took lightly and Id always worked in Childcare so felt experienced and confident when having my child. And most importantly I know Ive done a fantastic job so far. Okay so very recently Ive become a single parent, but we both will continue to do everything to make sure our boy is happy . Having him at that age means that now at the age of 24/25 Im now ready to get back out and get a career [interviews 2moro guys ahhh lol].

The reason why I give you the advice of getting somewhere to live first before you start trying is because we rushed into it all, decided we were going to look for a place to live AND try for a family, all at the same time. Unfortunately the market was mental at that time and we struggled to get the mortgage we wanted, neither of us had any savings but were both in pretty decent paid full time jobs.. I then fell pregnant. To cut a long storyt short, we ended up having to live at my Mums house until DS was 6mths old!!! And I just wish we'd have thought it thru properly, we just thought, like you, this'll happen at this time, this'll happen at that time, and it didnt lol. I do wish we'd have waited befor getting pregnant, got a place to live FIRST, and then tried for a family.

Only YOU guys know where you're at and what you want, and dont let anyone tell you any different. But jus take on board all the advice you're given and have a good think Good luck with it all!

t_obermory

I was 19 when I had my DD who's 3 and I've had DS since then. My advice from having been there, is to wait a bit, enjoy being young and have some fun. I adore being a Mum but there are times when I wish I'd waited a bit longer. Yes your OH's 28 but tbh men's age has less of an effect on having children as essentially most of them are big kids at heart! Even if you waited say 5 years he's only be 33 thats not old for a man to have a child by any stretch of the imagination. I have to say age is fairly irrelevant for having children its how you interact with them that really matters.

As for your situation personally I'd live with the inlaws until you're debt free and save as much as you can then live together alone for at least a year before you decide to try to have any babies. This will give you time to have some fun and enjoy being a couple before getting bogged down by children, as wonderful as they are they are all consuming, and its nice to have some selfish time before they come along.

Also I really wouldn't live with anyone other than your OH when you have a baby. Your in-laws may be the greatest in the world but throw a baby into the mix and it will almost certainly cause tensions somewhere down the line.

Staciep88

mariagti: thank you for your advice. Our debt together is £12k yes, however, £6.5k of that is my car finance which will be an on going thing for the next 3 years so I dont class that as an actual debt as the other £5.5k which is on credit cards and a loan. The reason I don't class it as a debt like the others is because I cannot make over payments on that so I'm pretty much stuck with that, it's only £184.10 p/month so I can cope with that.

t_obermory: I understand what you say about the age but thats my OH's views, his dad was old when he had him and he doesnt want to be the same. We are moving in with OH parents next month so that OH debt can be cleared in the next 11 months. We have already lived together for 2.5 years, 2 of which was alone in rented property. It's only cuz we want a family that we are moving back to sort of this mess. thank you. x

kirstle99

I may have mis-understood your post but from what I have read it sounds like the OH's parents are unwilling to help with childcare unless you are living with them at the time? (Sounds a bit strange to me).

But on the note of debt, I would wait until you have a few months of debt-freeness before you start to try for a baby. I had my little boy last year 2 months after we started on a dmp. It was, and still is, extreemely tough, none of our parents live close by and we have had to manage more or less completely alone in the day-to-day stuff.
Enjoy being a couple, because when the baby arrives you won't have the freedom you have right now.

Staciep88

kirstle99 wrote: »

I may have mis-understood your post but from what I have read it sounds like the OH's parents are unwilling to help with childcare unless you are living with them at the time? (Sounds a bit strange to me).

But on the note of debt, I would wait until you have a few months of debt-freeness before you start to try for a baby. I had my little boy last year 2 months after we started on a dmp. It was, and still is, extreemely tough, none of our parents live close by and we have had to manage more or less completely alone in the day-to-day stuff.
Enjoy being a couple, because when the baby arrives you won't have the freedom you have right now.

Hi, no not at all, what I meant was:

If me and OH lived with OH parents, they would have our child in the day times whilst we went to work and we wouldnt have any child care costs, but if we moved out and got our own place it would be nearer to work than OH parents (which is about 3/4 hour from work) so what I saying was if we moved out and lived closer to work that would be 1.5hrs p/day commuting (in the wrong the direction!) which as you can imagine, would take alot of time and cost alot in fuel. If it came to it, we would probs do that, but it wouldnt be ideal.

thanks x

Quillion

Why not wait and get a house closer to your OH parents.

Reason i say this is you will still have to go to work so if you live closer to them you won't have to go so far to drop off the baby, If you live closer to work you will have to go back to parents then back to work A bit confusing but read it slowly it makes sense.

I wanted to wait till i was married before we had a baby and began trying in 1995 when we got married. Unfortunatly for me we had problems and ds did not arrive till 2005 so i agree not to leave things too late. I am also very glad of this time as we got to do things we would not have done if a baby had come along sooner.

It is your choice and only you and your oh can decide but babies put a strain on a relationship lack of sleep means you are not so rational and if your oh sis gets fed of her mum interfering you can bet she will be even worse if you live with her when a baby does arrive.

Good luck x