Got the Debt Free Date, time for a family?

Staciep88

Hiya,

As some of you will know my partner is in a little debt and we have decided to move back home with his parents until the debt is clear, giving us the DFD of September09.

Originally our date was December 09 and we were planning to have our first child in April 2010. So now we are moving back into his parents place and will have a bedroom and our own lounge, and then use of the kitchen.

We were still hoping to start a family but I'm not really sure how to go about it now. Obviously by April 2010 we would have been debt free for 7 months and would have saved enough money up for a deposit on our own place.

This may come across as being a bit cheeky but OH parents have said it would be fine but I am in 2 minds about it:

If we start trying for a family in July09 (and if all goes well) give birth in April 2010 should we stay at OH place for longer as they would therefore be able to look after little one whilst we both went to work (after maternity leave is done) - therefore saving more money for us to finally get out there and look for our own place.

Or move out as soon as he is debt free and then wait probs another year until we can afford some where of our own whilst starting a family? I am really worried about being able to cover the bills etc when we do start a family and I also worry as in April 2010 OH will be 28 years old and I dont want him to wait much longer. Neither does he.

Sorry if I'm waffling but I keep remembering different things. My OH sis (who lives with OH parents) has recently had a baby and I find that she is always telling OH sis how to do things etc, and it upsets her as its her daughter and she knows best. Anyone can see that OH mum is only trying to help but I can understand how it would upset OH sis, I dont OH mum to try and tell me what to do with our child, but at the same time, it would be her who would be looking after our child whilst back at work.

So I guess I just wondered what you would do really? If we carried on living with OH parents it would only be until we have saved enough up to get our own place and support a child, bearing in mind there is child care costs involved also if we chose to go in it alone without living at OH Parents.

Thanks

onlyroz

Sounds like you're planning a bit too far ahead here. You can't really make assumptions about how long it will take to get pregnant - could be straight away or it could take a year or more. The average is 3-4 months. Also, I'm not sure how you can be so certain of your debt-free date. It could be sooner or later than you've calculated because you can't be sure about what will happen in the next year regarding jobs, price rises/falls etc.

For now I'd just concentrate on saving hard and living frugally.

And do you really think that 28 is getting a bit old to be a parent?

Welshlassie

You are being very presumptous that you will get pregnant on the first attempt. It rarely happens that way and even couples with no fertility problems can take several months. As much as it is a good idea to consider how you will deal with things, you can't plan in stone how and when things will happen. (I don't mean this to sound harsh)

Having a new baby around is very hard work so having family on hand to help will be useful, but it is also such a precious time that you will never get back again you may not want to share it with inlaws. If it were me I'd start saving and look to move out as soon as possible. Work hard on reducing that debt (make it a challenge to be free of it before Sep 09) then save hard and start looking for somehwere else to live.

Why would waiting past 28 be such a bad thing??

Good luck.

Staciep88

onlyroz wrote: »

Sounds like you're planning a bit too far ahead here. You can't really make assumptions about how long it will take to get pregnant - could be straight away or it could take a year or more. The average is 3-4 months. Also, I'm not sure how you can be so certain of your debt-free date. It could be sooner or later than you've calculated because you can't be sure about what will happen in the next year regarding jobs, price rises/falls etc.

For now I'd just concentrate on saving hard and living frugally.

And do you really think that 28 is getting a bit old to be a parent?

I dont feel I'm planning too far ahead - this has been on the cards for a long time and thats what we want. And I did say in my first post that the child would be born April 2010 (if all goes well) - I do realise that it could take longer. I'm fairly certain of the debt free date as we have used a snowball calculator and thats the date it has given, and we are going to work our asses off to make that date earlier. Our jobs are safe as we both work for my fathers company. And no 28 doesnt seem to old to have a child, but that is what we want, we want to be a fairly young couple as OH parents waited ages until they had him and he feels he has missed out because of this.

galvanizersbaby

Staciep88 wrote: »

Hiya,

So I guess I just wondered what you would do really? If we carried on living with OH parents it would only be until we have saved enough up to get our own place and support a child, bearing in mind there is child care costs involved also if we chose to go in it alone without living at OH Parents.

Thanks

I would carry on living with OH's parents until saved up enough for own place and then start trying to concieve.
I wouldn't personally contemplate having a child and still living with OH's parents if that's what your asking? - I think being a parent requires you to go it alone and stand on your own two feet to a certain extext so if you can afford to do that and provide for your child then you would be off to a better start :cool:

little_miss_moneysaver_3

It's always tricky with the in-laws, especially when they are helping you. You don't want them to seem ungrateful. But when the time for baby to come i'm sure you and OH have your own ideas of how you want to raise your family.

I don't understand why OH's mum couldn't still look after the baby if you had your own place and didn't live there? Surely if you lived nearby she would still help out?

And if you're not sure if 7 months is enough time to save enough money, you just have to recalculate nearer the time. And if you need you could wait a few months before you start trying for your family.

I do understand you wanting a family whilst you're young. Am in similar situation with my DB. But he is 28 and still in too much debt to even consider setting a date for the wedding, let alone children etc.

Good luck!

paddy's_mum

If I remember correctly, you are still not twenty years old.

While your aims are good ones to have, I feel compelled to suggest to you that you are going pell-mell into situations in which much of your control of your lives will rest to a large degree on the goodwill and co-operation of others. I am thinking especially of your housing situation which, you will remember, has been discussed extensively in some of your other posts.

Do you really want my advice? If so, it is this. Slow down, sweetheart, do a bit more growing up and learning, a bit more saving and take the time to let things fall into place naturally. You seem to be wanting to have it all now while not giving yourself and your partner more time to yourselves to develop and forge iron into your relationship and, to some extent, test the strength of the bond before bringing children into the mix. I mean no offense but simply offer my (experienced!) view for whatever worth it may be to you.

Staciep88

little_miss_moneysaver: thanks for advice. OH mum could look after the child if we lived on our own but we would probs live about 3/4 hour away - 1 1/5 hours everyday wont be too loney saving. But that is something we could look into.

paddy's mum: No Im not yet 20, will be soon, and if all went well I would be 21 by the time the child was born. I can understand what you are saying about doing some more growing up but all we want is to start a family. Your opinion is worth a great deal to me and I thank you for it, as is every1 elses opinion but this is what we have had planned. We are just not sure weather to start trying whilst still living with them - therefore making the money side of things easier at the beginning or to wait a few months more, have our own place but struggle with money for while.

Baybee1984

Good luck with the debt free plan!
If you're after my personal advice, Id say once you're debt free, get your own place first, settle in and get settled with the bills etc, and THEN think about trying for a baby..

Staciep88

Thank you Baybee1984. I take it from your name you are 23/24? And you have a son of 4years and 5months old - making you 19/20 when you gave birth? Do you mind me asking how you found it being a young mum? thanks

Krystaltips

I wasn't particularly young when I had DD... I was 23 when she was born... and at the time I still felt too young to be a Mum!

I echo what others have said, get yourselves debt free, get your own place and once you are settled financially plan your family... You don't know how it will be living with the in laws yet and no matter how well you get on with someone, living with them is something completely different!