Relationship troubles...:(

3plus1

How did last night go? I hope, if nothing else, you have a better idea of where you stand.

paddy's_mum

What comes across to me in all this is that you are both 'wheeling and dealing' with emotions. She seeks temporary freedom from you but feels guilty for not being able to stand the pace. You snoop and follow that up with questions, demands, ultimatums. In her turn, she comes back with reconciliation ideas and half promises.

I'm sorry to be blunt but I believe that this relationship is doomed. You put her under intense stress and pressure when you were depressed and she probably is afraid of such bad times starting up again. You, on the other hand, were placed in a position of fear and jealousy and clearly would have doubts about her in the future since you have had a concerted campaign of checking up on her. Equally, if you stay together, is she going to be watching your every move to find out if you are snooping when she is doing nothing wrong?

It is unbelievably wearing and difficult living with someone who has any kind of mental health or personality issue, however short-lived (no offense intended and I have myself endured a nervous breakdown) and I know from experience that sharing a life with someone you cannot trust in all things is a constant drip of acid - eventually it destroys whatever good there was in the relationship.

I do believe that the kindest thing might be to separate and, as pukkamum has already said, see how things are in six months. I might also add that although you don't give any indication of how old you are, it does come across as though she in particular is probably quite young and still has a lot of growing up to do before committing her life into another's keeping. Good luck.

StueyT

Thanks everyone,

We met on Monday and had a good night together, which at the end she asked if she could stay over - which she did. We're meeting tonight to get everything out of each other 100% honesty and sort out where we go from there. She started txting me yesterday evening and kept a long conversation going about various things (not about our relationship), and its the first time shes done that in a long long time.

I've got ways to sort out the trust issues with her, her changing passwords, PIN on her phone etc which im going to suggest she does tonight.