can anybody help please?

Tina_D

I have no advice to give with regard to the money side of things but a friend of mine has made contact (via website) with our local domestic violence policeman (apparently every area has one). He met her at work in an unmarked car and in plain clothes, she has his mobile number and he rings her once a week to make sure shes ok and to keep in touch. My friend still lives with her husband and is in the process of working out the safest way to end the marriage and sell the house. She has received plenty of advice and feels stronger for it. Maybe its the time to put all your house in order and not just the finances. You have been very brave and i'm sure that I (and lots of others on here) will be thinking about you a lot over the next few days. Keep us posted and keep your chin up.

Tina

ms_london

Hi there.



Well done on opening the bank account. As others have said – get the benefits paid into this account pronto, although this probably wouldn’t go down too well with your OH, so be careful!! Although perhaps this would force him into sitting down and discussing your finances properly and giving you more money!!!



Sure, I paid off £19,000, but I am single, have no dependents – just one mouth to feed, not 7, and could be utterly selfish and had time to do two jobs to pay off the debt. Your circumstances are very different, and what needs to come first is your safety and wellbeing, yours and the children. So initially they need to be fed, clothes & have a roof over their heads!!



Your total incomings are £2919.00



Blimey – I originally missed the part where your OH saves £1000 a month. What is he saving for? He has no right to do this and treat you so unfairly!!! As jen_jen said, creditors wont stand for this and the debts are as much his as they are yours. I would definitely get the benefits changed into your name immediately!!!



In terms of your other outgoings (just something to think about once you’ve sorted the OH issue out – that’s far more important):



45.00 talktalk home phone – this seems quite high. Could you get a better deal? (although I know that talktalk are one of the better companies). See this link:



http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.html?f=67



20.00+ BT line rental and ??extras – what do these “extras” consist of. Again, could you shop around & get a better deal?



70.00 pocket money standing orders – is this your “pocket money”? Which standing orders need to be paid out of this?



20.00 housing ben arrears (date back to 2003) – what is the total figure? Is this an agreed repayment? I presume there’s no interest on this?? (you never know!)



30.00 poll tax (includes arrears! will never get even paying such a low amount) – this seems very low, especially if you are paying arrears too, did you miss the 1 off there? :0) Again, what is the total figure of your arrears? Again, is this an agreed repayment?



180.00 petrol – do you just have the one car? Is this OH or one you use? Can the mileage be cut down? There’s no budget for car insurance/tax/MOT – how do you deal with this?



25.00 mobile top ups – not too bad, but not good if you are already paying £65.00 to have a landline each month.



260.00 food – check out the following link for the Old Style Board, you can find some ways of cutting back and making your money go further. Although £260 doesn’t seem enough for a family of 7? What is realistic figure for a family of 7? Any families of 7 out there?



monthly standing order of 1000.00 for savings accounts – see previous comment. Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!



With the above figures taken into account, you should be left with a figure of £1655. So if your OH is saving £1000 a month, what the hell is he doing with the remaining £655!!!!



Do you see any of this? Or just the £70 “pocket money”? Plus if you are earning money cleaning to pay for the petrol, that means he is spending even more…..!!!!!!!



If you were to divorce him, he would be paying you more then than he is now, that’s for sure!!



If you want to talk, then please PM me – I’ll be happy to help!!



You probably have a lot to think about right now, and its normal that you might feel overwhelmed, but try not to worry about it. You have come to the right place, and you are obviously making the repayments, so that should keep them off your backs for a while!!



How are you fixed for Christmas? I feel for you, I really do!! If there’s anything I can do to help, just ask.



Ms_London



xx

Trout69

Hi Kirsty, Welcome to MSE.

I'm a beginner to all this too and have found this place fantastic, so much so that i constantly have the forums open when im near a computer. Have a look at my post here

I am using it as a sort of debt diary, might help you see that you are not alone and that there are ways to sort things out :j

As i said i've only been doing this for a few months, but i feel so much better by tackling it head on, i feel i can hold my head up again.....

Go for it!!!

Donna

atlasview

thanks tina - thats very interesting...im not looking to end things, but...i would feel happy having that support.will look into it.
ms_london, i will get back with answers later. lots of brill advice. so kind (oh and congrats on ur bonus!)
trout, great 2 share your experience. so good to know im not alone.
will get my husband off to work, than sit down and do some adding up!!

atlasview

by the way..the pocket money isnt mine - he pays the older kids pocket money by monthly standing orders...afraid its not mine!

summerday

Hi Kirsty,

I can't add much more to the great advice others have already given. Just want to say I feel for you and you really aren't alone. Do keep on posting of your progress, even the little things, as it will boost your confidence. You really can get yourself out of this mess. It does sound very difficult if you're sure your OH wouldn't respond well if he knew the truth, and in time you might make a decision on what to do about that. One thing's for sure, these boards can help with lots of stuff- there's one on benefits, one on relationships and families, so you will feel like you have lots of virtual friends to help you get through it.

Take care, Sarah.xx

Glitterari

Honey, I feel so much for you and I agree with a previous poster about the debts not seeming to be the main problem. I'm brand new to this site and only found it last week - it has been fantastic so far...

However, with the amount your OH is giving you to get by on - you are never ever going to be able to negotiate with the companies you owe money to...you don't have enough to feed your family, let alone pay off these debts.

Grrr - it makes me soooo angry this type of situation...

You may not want to split up with your OH - and I hate to say it, it might be your only option. if you can't talk to him about it and get him to help (which he DOES have the money to do!) how on earth are you going to do it on your own.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, it's not meant to upset you - but sometimes you have to take a really long, hard look at yourself and your situation. I expect there is a lot of people who are reading your postings on here who are seeing the situation *very* differently to you - that's the benefit of not being emotionally involved.

I have to say, and this is just my opinion - I think you would be a hell of a lot better off without him, financially, emotionally, physically...he doesn't sound like a nice person...

I do really feel for you and apologise in advance for any upset my post causes. My feelings still stand though.

GOOD LUCK

:grouphug:

Carly xxxx

crisis_management

Hi, I'm really new to this too, and I know its a huge step to take posting for the first time. I know it's hard, and being much more over my head than you I'm not really qualified to give advice, but i know I've been helped a lot by everyone, and it's nice to know you're not alone. Hope you're ok.

Good luck

crisis

taplady

Hi ! I just want to say I hope you can sort everything out and as stated above you might be better giving your OH the elbow :mad: although I realise this might seem impossible.Good luck ! :snow_grin

atlasview

thanks everyone 4 the messages of support. so good to know that even one other human being knows whats going on. sharing it has made a huge difference and i do feel so much more able to think rationally now.
busy making plans - will post again soon.
thanking you all so much x