can anybody help please?

atlasview

hi all.
am new to this - but have been observing quietly for a few weeks. had my 'light bulb'moment - but finding it hard to know where and how to begin getting out of this mess!
owe approx 33k. none of it is credit card, shopping spree stuff. its all me being an idiot and not facing/dealing with things when i should. i owe to inland revenue 16k, overpayment of housing benefit 12k, congestion charges, poll tax arrears 2.5k, BT, daughter's mobile phone, parking fines, lapsed gym membership (stupid, i know as i am not well enough to use!) etc.
had to leave job due to ill health. OH only knows about the 12k (for which they are begrudgingly, but amazingly accepting only 20 pound per month...)
feel such a complete idiot. let myself and family down. just buried my head in the sand and hoped it would go away (seems to be how i deal with life in general)
help and support greatly appreciated - nobody to talk to!!!thanks, kirsty

JAMIEDODGER

(((hugs))) kirsty, and well done for being so brave to post on here, im sure the more clued up MSE'ers on here will be along shortly to help you out, but it would help if you posted all your incomings and outgoings so its easier to see where savings can be made and then applied to your debt, chin up.

halloweenqueen_2

Whats done is done, so try and draw a line under that and move on to help your self out of this mess, easy to say i know.
theres some very inspirational people on her, mrs_london did a fantastic reduction of her debt.
If you feel you can tell the OH about the full extent of the debt that would probably be the best way to go.
If you haven't already get in touch with the citizens advice and the national debtline.
Above all speak to people, the inland revenue will be quite decent as long as you make regular payments, make an appointment to speak to them and try and take evidence of all your debts so they can see what you're up against.
If your daughter is old enough can she pay the phone bill ( if you didn't use it that is).
I would have thought the housing benefit is the priority and i guess that is the one that Oh knows about and is sorted out?
I would try and reduce the tax bill next because even if you do pay they are entitled to add interest on.
Do not go down the route of putting it on a credit card unless you can get a 0% interest, will not use them for purchases and swap to a new one when the )5 deal finishes.
Can you speak to the people at the gym, or write to their head office and explain the situation.
I appreciate you cannot bring in any extra money through work, but what about selling a few things on ebay, have a browse, it may give you inspiration.
Go the old style board, if you can reduce your outgoings by £50 a month, in a sense you have earnt yourself £50 that can go on redcuing your debt.
Speak to your local council about the debt, speak to the congestion charge people.
I would phone the national debtline straight away, communication is your best bet, if they can see you are genuinely trying to pay they won't be as obstructive as if you leave the letters unopened.
Best of luck!

Jen_Jen_5

yep, it is necessary to go further and post all your income and outgoings and then we can have a good think and get back to you with practical advice.

well done for posting - now you've started you probably wont stop:-)

atlasview

wow thanks so much. i only posted 20 minutes ago and 3 lovely replies already! waiting for the postman doesnt seem so bad today - now i have made contact with the real world!!
i will post back asap with all outgoings etc.
it is v difficult as i am kept v short of money by OH. have no bank account, credit card or cash of my own. OH earnings 14k but benefits help plump it up quite a bit. yet he saves and i have no access to any of it. i have 5 children (6 if you count OH) and about 39p in my purse!!! :mad:

halloweenqueen_2

I think you need to sort something out with OH, get a joint account or some decent income from him.
Its ridiculous him knowing you owe 12000 and not being able to work to pay any of it off.
I suggest you get the benefits agency to put the benefits in your name, so get yourself an account, one down the post office will do, get the account number, contact the benefits people and go from there, thats the best advice I can think of so that you will know what you can play with each week.
You are not on your own!

ms_london

Hello & welcome :0)

You need to sit down with your OH and be honest and explain the situation, show him exactly how much you owe & to whom. He may be mad at first, but its something that you both need to tackle - the burden of it all is too much for one person!!

A bank account in your name would be a good start, it only needs to be a basic account, so that you can have access to your benefits, and have a bit of independence.

If the housing benefit people are accepting £20 a month, perhaps the others will do too. You do need to make sure that these are paid though, as the Council Tax being unpaid could have serious repercussions, not wanting to put the frighteners on you or anything!!

Post a list of your outgoings & incomings and we'll see what we can do to help.

Ms_London

atlasview

halloween queen, you have it in a nutshell, i know. however, the benefits are in my name, yet he takes them all! i get a measly 60 quid a week to feed 7 of us, thats it. he says i should get a bank account so when i finally receive my sick pay, it can go to me. problem is he keeps me so short, that it wil go on petrol and shopping. i pay 5 pound (sorry my pound key on my computer doesnt work...must be a sign!) per month for my daughters phone bill (she is 15 and should give me half this from her pocket money). i manage this without him knowing - just.
inland rev know that i havent told my husband - i had to admit he is violent. they suggested asking him for more housekeeping, then paying some of it to them....ok, i thought a few quid maybe - they meant about 80pounds a month!
by the way, while typing this, postman been with a scary reminder from inland rev for 16602.61!!!!!!!
i will post the in/out goings but as i dont have access i think it is hopeless.
by the way, i do sell on ebay - he knows exactly what i make and uses it as he pleases!
you must all think i am a hopeless case!

Gonna_Do_It

Your are NOT a useless case, you have taken a big step by coming on this website and posting, and you will get loads of advice and support which will help you to improve your situation.

As said before, you definitly need to sit down with your OH and go through your finances and be HONEST about it all, tell him about your daughters phone bill etc. and yes definitly get yourself a bank account. You need to work TOGETHER on your finances, it sounds like you are looking at the seperatly, a problem shared is a problem halfed.

Lets see what your outgoings are etc. and see where we can go from there...

And remeber your not useless, your fab for wanting to sort out your finances.

Wishing you lots of luck xxx

:snow_laug

atlasview

ok.
IN:
1050.00 partners wages
1209.00 taxcredit
340.00 carers alowance
255.00 DLA (disabled son)
65.00 child benefit

OUT:
473.00 mortgage
27.00 home ins. (due to rise next month to 43.00pm)
29.00 life ins
30.00 elec
25.00 gas
45.00 talktalk home phone
20.00+ BT line rental and ??extras
70.00 pocket money standing orders
20.00 housing ben arrears (date back to 2003)
30.00 poll tax ( includes arrears! will never get even paying such a low amount)
30.00 water
180.00 petrol (i clean 4 a neighbour 2 earn most of this)
25.00mobile top ups
240 - 260.00 food (always asking for more as have to make 32 packed lunches a week!)
monthly standing order of 1000.00 for savings accounts
this is all i can think of at the moment. TV licence paid yearly in advance.free car tax
how can i negotiate with companies when we have so much disposable. although if you think about it - if my OH was using the money correctly ie. FOOD! and the correct spending for a family of 7, we would not have much spare at all!
ms_london, realy admire what you have done. but i so cannot tell OH about anything

in*the*red_6

I'm not sure I agree about sitting down with your OH and sharing the problem, sorry but it doesn't sound to me as though this will work. Do you trust him enough for this?He sounds extremely manipulating and you say he has a tendency to be violent - is this really a relationship with a future?
Are there other members of your family/friends you can confide in first? Maybe you need some outside help or counselling? I can think of the Citizens Advice but others may know of better people to get in touch with.
Good luck, you've made a huge step forward and you'll be supported all the way.