Just had OR interview and I'm scared

shadowdragon

Thing is it was two years since my last payment to declaring bc, as it happened a couple of months after I stopped paying I moved (was not to avoid creditors, it was just circumstances) and I didnt tell them I moved. Ok ive been very ill and stuff, but the OR didnt even say "OOO been avoiding your Creditors tut tut" or anything like that. He was more a "!!!!!! Happens" kinda guy if you know what i mean. I suppose i was lucky!!

Itsallgonepearshaped

shadowdragon wrote: »

Thing is it was two years since my last payment to declaring bc, as it happened a couple of months after I stopped paying I moved (was not to avoid creditors, it was just circumstances) and I didnt tell them I moved. Ok ive been very ill and stuff, but the OR didnt even say "OOO been avoiding your Creditors tut tut" or anything like that. He was more a "!!!!!! Happens" kinda guy if you know what i mean. I suppose i was lucky!!

What was his name ? CAn I request him ??:rotfl:

shadowdragon

Itsallgonepearshaped wrote: »

What was his name ? CAn I request him ??:rotfl:

LOL. I was seething with rage 2 mins ago, about this, now you wrote 8 words and it lifted that rage right away, and made me laugh.

Thankyou. :T

CluelessJock

STOP IT, STOP IT

Enough please, of the bank kept giving me money line, GROW UP they did not put your arm up your back, etc. etc .etc. One might feel like they deserve a holiday, however unless one can afford it..............

Whilst I have every sympathy for the initial poster I feel that until we take responsibility for our OWN actions then we will never sort out the many issues (financial and otherwise) in our lives.

That is; it is only when we ourselves accept that we are responsible for our situation that we acknowledge we can do something about it, as long as we blame a. n. other we will, subconsciously or otherwise, feel circumstances are outwith our control.

Look simply at the events that lead to most, but not necessarily all, financial difficulties, they are directly or indirectly due to one's own actions.

The initial poster needs help and support, and I understand that my comments may seem harsh, however rather than being told not to worry and told stories by others in similar situations to make her feel better in the short term, it is only the reality that can be acted upon for the long term benefit!

Rylynn

Clueless I know you have a point of view but do not tar us all with one brush please, you have no idea why I got into debt for a start off, yes I GOT into debt, but there was another person involved who cleverly did not have any bar one in his name then scarpered leaving me to pick up the mess, I went into an IVA to try to pay some back, and then fell very ill, so I have one option now to go BR.

And no matter what you think banks sending out letters saying we have 15k on hold for you, just give us a ring is very very tempting when you have enough coming in to cover the debt, sadly none of us have crystal balls to see what is coming up in a year or so's time. I suffered many beatings keeping the swine here just to pay those bills til he nearly bloody killed me!

So as I say dont be so quick to just quickly say things when you have no idea of what some of us have been through to get to this sorry state of affairs.

We try to give help and support to others here, and we dont simply say DONT worry, but a kind word goes a long way when someone is on the brink of suicide, which some have been and still are here.

RL

CluelessJock

Hi Rylynn,

This type of communication, even with all its benefits, presents many challenges in the interpretation of the typed word, especially when circumstances can be so varied and are largely unknown. I did acknowledge in my post that not all debt situations were self inflicted.

If I may be so bold as to say you are taking my comments as a generalisation and making the assumption I apply them to all? I don't, I have knowledge and limited experience of circumstances outwith certain individuals control and have helped where I could, however Mummy4 does not seem to me to have faced the challenges you describe and my interpretation is that it has been self inflicted, albeit circumstances play a part. My view therefore stands that until as individuals we accept responsibility we will not be able to take corrective action.

Please do not take my previous comments personally.

Rylynn

Oddly I did not take them personally, I explained part of my situation to show we are not all taking HOLIDAYS or buying new cars, or trying to sell assets, hide things and get out of paying an IPA etc, far from it.

I do take your point on this, holidays are a thing of the long ago past right now for me, my thoughts are feeding my son well, clothing him and trying not to let this ruin his young life as well.

I also want the best for him (only one left at home), but to be honest the best thing I am teaching him right now is how not to get into debt, that it is not yours if you have not fully paid for it, and to not waste money.

I do not think we should think we are entitled to a holiday just because we work hard, if we cannot in fact try and pay for it.

I think the ethics of saving has gone out the window ie saving each year for a holiday, or knowing you have a bonus each year to pay for it. It all became far to easy to borrow money and have a good time for many people.

I was brought up to save if I wanted something (shame I did not stick to that ethic and let someone urge me to keep borrowing) and I am trying very hard to get my son to do the same, not easy when his mates families are not in my situation on only part time work due to sickness, and can simply stick their hands in their pockets and give out tenners to their kids.

My son also tells me that in the new subject in school he is now doing is also teaching them about debt, borrowing and the implications, maybe it should be a subject introduced to all schools as a compulsary subject not one you opt to take at 14, maybe then we would have a new batch of people with the right tools to enter the adult world.

I feel for people here, and I do for the original poster, but if they have been reckless then they have to expect the OR to slap them on the wrist for it, he is not locking them up or killing them, he is simply making sure they cannot get anymore credit for a very long time. Harsh I know but that is they way BR works if the OR chooses to impliment it.

I think if you read most of the posts in this thread you will see people are only trying to be supportive to the person who is obviously distressed by being told they have been reckless and a BRO is going to be put in place, I even said they are not going to kill you in my post back.

I did however say, and stick by it, there should be some legislation on what happens, a timescale of when a loan was last taken out maybe, ie I take out a loan 2 months before BR knowing full well I am in the poo should mean a BRO is slapped on me. There are many other grey areas as well, how much food bill is allowed, clothes, holiday some allow some dont, it is all pie in the sky. I realise they have to have some leaway but it does seem like a lottery to me.

We all have our thoughts when we read certain things posted but most of us try to not be judgemental as that is not the idea of the site.

I dont think many people here try to duck out of being in debt or simply blame the lenders, although I do think they have been reckless, and we are seeing the price being paid for that right now.

RL

Edit to say the lenders have been reckless!

Itsallgonepearshaped

CluelessJock wrote: »

STOP IT, STOP IT

Enough please, of the bank kept giving me money line, GROW UP they did not put your arm up your back, etc. etc .etc. One might feel like they deserve a holiday, however unless one can afford it..............

Whilst I have every sympathy for the initial poster I feel that until we take responsibility for our OWN actions then we will never sort out the many issues (financial and otherwise) in our lives.

That is; it is only when we ourselves accept that we are responsible for our situation that we acknowledge we can do something about it, as long as we blame a. n. other we will, subconsciously or otherwise, feel circumstances are outwith our control.

Look simply at the events that lead to most, but not necessarily all, financial difficulties, they are directly or indirectly due to one's own actions.

The initial poster needs help and support, and I understand that my comments may seem harsh, however rather than being told not to worry and told stories by others in similar situations to make her feel better in the short term, it is only the reality that can be acted upon for the long term benefit!

Hi Clueless,

From a personal point of view I do take full responsibility for the failure of the business I started and am constantly beating myself up about it - it's not a very nice position to be in to say the least, especially with a young family and having given up a well paid job to try and do something on my own. My point is that while trying to save the business and being confident I could do so at the time (albeit fairly deluded looking back given what's happened to the economy / markets during that time), had the financial institutions done to me 6 months ago what they're now doing and put an end to it then (all the warning signs were there and I wish they had) I wouldn't have been in a position where I'm having to go bankrupt as I may have been able to get a job which would have allowed me to clear the debt as it stood at that time - it's not an excuse, it's a fact. You do get into situations where the pressure becomes so extreme you can't see the wood for the trees and you take any lifeline that comes your way to try and save your dream - what's needed is the financial institutions to take a more responsible attitude and do more research on there customers to flag these situations up sooner so they can have a word. I know for a fact, having worked in a bank, that they're spending millions of pounds on systems to flag these up and analyse risk down to the smallest degree but in my case they seem to have wasted there money as looking back I should have been red flagged months ago, long before they gave me more cash.

coolcait

CluelessJock wrote: »

Hi Rylynn,

This type of communication, even with all its benefits, presents many challenges in the interpretation of the typed word, especially when circumstances can be so varied and are largely unknown. I did acknowledge in my post that not all debt situations were self inflicted.

If I may be so bold as to say you are taking my comments as a generalisation and making the assumption I apply them to all? I don't, I have knowledge and limited experience of circumstances outwith certain individuals control and have helped where I could, however Mummy4 does not seem to me to have faced the challenges you describe and my interpretation is that it has been self inflicted, albeit circumstances play a part. My view therefore stands that until as individuals we accept responsibility we will not be able to take corrective action.

Please do not take my previous comments personally.

:rolleyes:

Having perused your communications with due care and attention, I find that your caveat: "not all debt situations [are] self inflicted" was easily overlooked amidst phrases such as:

"GROW UP"
"they did not put your arm up your back"
"until we take responsibility for our OWN actions".

You/one should not be surprised that anyone should take your/one's comments as a generalisation, given that they are couched in in terms of 'sweeping generalisation' - as one might say.

Taking the lead from the UN - those wordsmiths who can obscure meaning through judicious use of semantics; but who - on the basis of your post - are but dilettantes in comparison to your esteemed self:P:

- being happy to bandy semantics with anyone; having no fear of multisyllabic terms; and happily parsing without the least parsimony;

- cognisant of the apparent serendipity of the appearance of a pseudo-pretentious 'jock' newbie at a time when this 'jock' has herself had cause to discourse on the failings of this medium of communication, and the failings of the English language - specifically in the area of how to express the 'general' third person singular/plural, without resorting to the use of 'one';

- aware of the existence of alleged Scandinavian fairytale creatures on these commnication fora;

- acknowledging that the aforementioned fairytale creatures, in their internet guise, subsist on the crumbs of recognition dropped to them from the pedestrian thoroughfares which pass above their abodes

I am nevertheless impelled to say:

I think Rylinn made a very good point. Why not answer that point directly, rather than trying to hide behind waffle?

So_Sad_Angel

Mummy4 wrote: »

The OR even said to me today, surely in your job you have access to advice about credit , and it obvious you have been reckless- I felt like telling her to buggar off and try living the life me and my husband have, 10 hour days, no personal social life, working o/t to pay min cc pmts and kids asking at every opportunity-mum, can I have some new spikes for cross country/leotard for dancing/footie subs/guide camps.

I tried to focus on it being their job to make it not seem to be taken lightly, but, surely, she can sense the severity of which we feel it, and that particularly in my job that I could not have considered going BR lightly?

distressed Mummy of 4

Hi Mummy4

I can feel your distress from what you write. I can only add my support & there are a couple of points here that maybe any OR`s reading this may like to note-

1/ you work for a Bank therefore should have access to money manangement support.....fat chance!!! (the Banks don`t actually care about their clients financial position....just how much money they can make from them!!!!) All the Banks want is sales,sales & more sales at ANY COST....I say this (from a very very long career in that industry) as often we as employees can subsequently become totally desensitized to the value of money!!
You know the story - Oh there you go Mr/Mrs S.... have a further 2k on the overdraft...Oh & heres a 10k loan...take it...go on, go on...take it..TAKE IT!!!! Staff...Oh we`ll add an extra 2k on top!!!!

2/ raising a family....pressure to keep that roof, kids lessons, all the school trips!!!!!!

Having said above...the process of BR is `TAKING RESPONSIBILITY`...its saying `I WANT THIS SORTED` & I wanted to send you <<hugs>> for taking that step.

I don`t say this as an offer of any kind of `excuse` because as you say ....you feel it actutely & its a decision that have not been taken lightly but the Banks should not be allowed to just increase limits without due consideration to the their clients` financial position....that is asking for trouble & I feel they must take some responsibility for their reckless lending habits.

Just my late night thoughts,

Angexx