Child support for 4 children

SuziQ

You are not being unreasonable and he is being a very selfish man,putting his own needs before his childrens'.
The only problem with the CSA is it could take months,and during that time he will probably not pay you a penny. He will delay by not providing info etc.He could I suppose choose to leave work to thwart the CSA too. I really hope he comes to his senses and realises how lucky he is to have such a reasonable ex!

traveller

SuziQ wrote: »

You are not being unreasonable and he is being a very selfish man,putting his own needs before his childrens'.
The only problem with the CSA is it could take months,and during that time he will probably not pay you a penny. He will delay by not providing info etc.He could I suppose choose to leave work to thwart the CSA too. I really hope he comes to his senses and realises how lucky he is to have such a reasonable ex!

Apparently I'm unappreciative of what he has to 'go through' to give me his contribution.These were the words he said to me when I was none too pleased about him not keeping me informed about his lateness with it before.
I don't think he would leave work as he did say when I was pregnant with my baby, that by me having the baby it would ruin his career prospects:rotfl: I had to laugh(or strangle him) as I was the one who had started working in a new department and would be taking time out of work-not him.He is trying to make it big in his line of work.I try not to talk to him in all honesty that much since, but we can be civil and I will put everything inclusive of figures to him, so he can see just how far 240 goes!

scooby1001

You can try talking to him but he may not listen. I had a chat with my ex husband this last week regarding child support for our daughter. He has not paid a penny for 3 years because he was finding things hard. He is now settled and pays out £400 per month for everything out of his income of £1,300 per month. I just pointed out that now our daughter was older things were going to come up and i would like him to start contributing a reasonable figure(csa would say £35 so i said £20) he hit the roof. Was not very conplementary to myself. So i have given up on it. If he does not want to offer anything for his child what is the point of pursueing it. I was really annoyed but that's some ex partners for you out of sight out of mind.

pinkshoes

traveller wrote: »

Hi, thanks for all of your replies!!! I have not had the time until now to come back on. He told me his mortgage was around 800pcm and then he pays 400pcm in ground rent.
Our communication has become sparadic since july when he felt I was unreasonable

Ok, trying to look at this in a logical financial way:

The Basics:
Mortgage £800
Ground Rent £400
Council Tax £120
Gas/Elec/Water £120
Food £250
Internet/phone £40
Mobile £30
TOTAL: £1760

Debt payment £300??? (It is a large debt!!)

Salary after Tax : £2200

Left over = £140!!!!!!

And don't forget he'll want to live too i.e. use public transport, go for a drink with his mates, cinema, clothes. That's a huge mortgage and ground rent he has! The above estimates are based on normal living i.e. not living on a shoestring budget, just spending normally. Perhaps this is why he felt you were being unreasonable? All he can see is that after his normal living expenses and debt payment, he seems to be left with very little, and yet you're wanting perhaps twice when he's left with.

I'm not condoning his lack of payments, I'm just trying to shed some light on the situation, as you've already said he's not great with finances, so from his point of view the whole thing will be impossible, as he just can't balance the books!!

It's not fun for kids when parents separate, so try and keep the communication links open. I know £37k seems like a huge salary, but for someone lousy with money, he's probably pulling his hair out and genuinely can't see how he can afford this!

scooby1001

£400 for ground rent sounds really steep. Do you know it is that for a fact?

kelloggs36

scooby1001 wrote: »

You can try talking to him but he may not listen. I had a chat with my ex husband this last week regarding child support for our daughter. He has not paid a penny for 3 years because he was finding things hard. He is now settled and pays out £400 per month for everything out of his income of £1,300 per month. I just pointed out that now our daughter was older things were going to come up and i would like him to start contributing a reasonable figure(csa would say £35 so i said £20) he hit the roof. Was not very conplementary to myself. So i have given up on it. If he does not want to offer anything for his child what is the point of pursueing it. I was really annoyed but that's some ex partners for you out of sight out of mind.

To me he has just got exactly what he has wanted by bullying you into giving up. Personally whilst he doesn't want to see his child/ren I would never let him off is legal responsibility towards their upkeep - whether he likes it or not. If he gets nasty just remind him that you tried to be reasonable but he refused so you went to the CSA to deal with. If he won't listen then that is entirely his decision and not one that you should feel guilty about.

SuziQ

He chose to have that huge mortgage and ground rent-that shouldn't preclude him providing for his child. What mother would take a massive mortgage and think 'it's ok,I just won't feed and clothe my kids as I have to pay the mortgage.'? That is effectively what many men-including my first ex-are saying ie 'my needs come before my childs'.

enemes

SuziQ wrote: »

That is effectively what many men-including my first ex-are saying ie 'my needs come before my childs'.

.... and many women, I hasten to add!

traveller

pinkshoes wrote: »

Ok, trying to look at this in a logical financial way:

The Basics:
Mortgage £800
Ground Rent £400
Council Tax £120
Gas/Elec/Water £120
Food £250
Internet/phone £40
Mobile £30
TOTAL: £1760

Debt payment £300??? (It is a large debt!!)

Salary after Tax : £2200

Left over = £140!!!!!!

And don't forget he'll want to live too i.e. use public transport, go for a drink with his mates, cinema, clothes. That's a huge mortgage and ground rent he has! The above estimates are based on normal living i.e. not living on a shoestring budget, just spending normally. Perhaps this is why he felt you were being unreasonable? All he can see is that after his normal living expenses and debt payment, he seems to be left with very little, and yet you're wanting perhaps twice when he's left with.

I'm not condoning his lack of payments, I'm just trying to shed some light on the situation, as you've already said he's not great with finances, so from his point of view the whole thing will be impossible, as he just can't balance the books!!

It's not fun for kids when parents separate, so try and keep the communication links open. I know £37k seems like a huge salary, but for someone lousy with money, he's probably pulling his hair out and genuinely can't see how he can afford this![/quote

I didn't feel I was being unreasonable as our son was relying on his spending money from him as he said he'd bring it a day after the normal time he brings it.I didn't have a lot of cash in that week, and didn't get to the bank as he said he was coming with it.Had he just been honest and said he didn't have it I wouldn't have minded.But , to delibertley just lie low,really annoyed me.

I have no Idea, If these figures are accurate regarding his ground rent.When I tried to help him face up to his debt he didn't show me any ptoof of anything, but I'm assuming these are correct.He'd probably be more likely to hide some of his earnings as he also does private work(IT consultant).

scooby1001

The reason i don't push my ex to pay is cos he was violent towards me in our relationship and after when i went to the csa for maintaince. That was years ago. I did good cause 3 years ago which is coming to an end and i thought that he might now be reasonable and pay towards his child. I don't think it is going to happen and i can't bear the thought of him getting like that again so i have given up.

To the op, only you know how your relationship is with your ex. If you want to persue it i would go through the csa to get an amount worked out. If it is an amount he says he can't afford ask him to bring all his paperwork to you and you sit down and go through all his bills to work out a reasonable amount. Then if it is lower than the csa amount you can offer to receive that amount and don't use the csa. If he refuses to show you his bills it will be because he has exagerated them and it is up to you what you do.