Should I buy a present for my niece?

jbbonce

Hi guys, i would appreciate your thoughts on the following situation. My Brother's fiancee is about to have their baby imminently and I am not sure whether i should buy a present for the birth, (and once i do so the precedent will be set, so i will then be comitted to birthdays and christmases every year)

I know it seems really tight to even consider not buying her something, but the situations is that bro & SIL have never bought my daughter anything or sent a her card, and they earn 120k between them. SIL's family are multimillionaires and she has recently spent 26k on a field for her horse(!) so obviously their baby won't go without. And I only earn £65 pw, so it's not really as if i can afford a present in the same league as her maternal side of the family could provide.

the reasons why i want to buy her a present are that i want to be a good aunt and as we live quite far away, a nice present is about all i can muster, and also, I'd like to improve relations with my bro and his family for my daughter's sake, it would be nice if she could be friends with her cousin as they are so close in age. And if i'm honest, I am not convinced the union between bro and SIL will last and I want to make sure that my niece will have strong connections to this side of the family. (i know a present won't achieve all that but it's a start)

So I would like to know what you'd do in this situation.

PS the money saving angle is that we are not too well off and obviously not buying presents= saving money.

Woby_Tide

I'd be inclined to send a card seeing as they don't give your daughter anything. If things then improve and you 'meet' at some point, you could take a present then.

morganb

At the end of the day, the baby is your niece. I think I would buy a small 'token' gift and send that with a card. And I don't think this sets a precedent for birthdays / Christmas, as you say they don't send your daughter anything; but in my mind the arrival of a baby is a great cause for celebration and I think it wouldn't sit well with you if you didn't send something. What about a baby towel, they are practical, yet inexpensive.

Mumolulu

What a tricky one....

How about sending a really nice expensive card ( like posh m and s £3-4 quid jobby) with a lovely hand written note inside, wishing them all the best with their baby, and perhaps a cleverly worded paragraph to suggest how lovely it would be to meet once their baby has arrived. Then when you meet I would take that opportunity to take something - flowers for her, bottle for them both and then a gift for baby. (Obviously this amount of stuff on a visit would be a one off)

This would then perhaps trigger them into sending cards for your daughter etc, once you had met and spoke like adults with children playing together.....in an ideal world! Just a suggestion, hope it helps.

geekgirl

I would buy a pressie as it is a big event in someones life, for future birthdays etc... you could just get a card. You may even find that once they have their baby they will have more interest in your daughter as some people without kids just don't get it! This is what happened with an aunt of my childrens.

You can buy very nice sterling silver bangle for babies very cheaply. They are small and easily posted and look really sweet as well. I have bought one for all of the girl babies in our families and all have been received well. It actually works out cheaper than buying an outfit or something similar and looks a 'little more'.

McKneff

I think it would be nice to give something like a little keepsake and a card for the birth
and then just a nice card for each birthday if you live a way away from them.

ceebeeby

I agree in definitely sending or doing something to mark the occasion.

If money is hugely, hugely tight, could you knit the wee one a scarf / hat. Or maybe make a nappy cake (there's a recipe on the forum somewhere), or if you could stretch to it - what about buying a star?

Doesn't matter how much money they have - or what they do with theirs! You should just be happy with what you do with yours!

lab-lover

I would probably just send a congratulations card really, considering they havent bothered sending your DD anything i would think a card would be enough to say you are thinking of them. xx

mishmash

HI

I am a great believer in give to give -not to get.

I had a cousin who earned a lot ( had the nice house and lifestyle the lot) and never sent mine a card or pressie (we are really close in our family and do buy for cousins), she did not have any children.

When she had her first, I did the same as I would for any family or friend. I sent a very nice 'keepsake' card and a small gift and do the same birthdays and christmas. I only spend about £5 each occassion, but I have lots of cousins with lots of children (we stop buying prezzies in our family when you get to 18, just a card from then).

Anyway now many years later, she occassionally sends mine cards and presents (when she remembers) but she now has 5 kids and is a real scatter brain-some people just don't think especially when they have no children of thier own. She is always very generous in other ways and I love her just the same.

Only the way I do things, hope that helps.

Mish

Loretta

You could make something or find something personal and unique but not expensive. When the baby is born they may see life totally differently, babies do cnahnge everything

jackomdj

Personally I would give something. You can make some beautiful things for not a lot of outlay or you could buy something.

I do not see it as setting a presedent - however (& again it is only my opinion) I would continue with something small, even just a tube of sweets etc only has to cost a puond or so & means so much to the little ones.

HTH Nicky