Sunshine, Daffodils and lolipops-concentrating on the good things in life

pania

hypno06 wrote: »

Steel toe caps at the ready..............:D

oh jeez....was waiting for that one...

coffee in, erm, about ten years maybe?


Hi all and good morning, feeling totally rough after about 3 1/2 hrs sleep. remind me never to drink a litre of kick in an evening again...:o :rolleyes:

Off to head office for a meeting today so a niiiice long drive awaits!! but not coming back for a couple of days so can sleep this evening! yay!
Well today operation debt tackle starts, not to sure where i can start with no surplus funds but i will find something!! baby steps hey. maybe making a start on all those surveys in my lunch hour would be a good start.
May pop to the dog school on saturday and spend some time there, had to laugh at barbara woodhouse!! how tebbly tebbly powsh dhalings!!! aaaaand SIT!!!! :rotfl: thank goodness she has retired (well actually shes dead now but it would sound impolite to say thank good ness shes deads now!:eek: ) but she was the scourge of many a dogs life bless her!!!

Right, shower then drivey time, god my bags under my eyes are sooo visible!
**scuttles of with her backside relatively intact and dodges a poorly aimed steel toe capped kick by hypno on the way out!:D ***

hypno06

Don't forget to text me those details we spoke about last night.........

Drive carefully!

pania

aaahhh yes, will do it v shortly. and i know i need to change the password...

ZTD

pania wrote: »

hello everyone. How are we all doing? Well here we are on a diary that I pledge to you all I will keep going for an awful lot longer than a couple of days!!

Pledge...that's a kind of furniture polish isn't it?

pania wrote: »

As the title suggests things have been a bit c r a p in pania land lately and my eye has come off the ball and my body off the wagon big stylee. to the extent that everything feels a little surreal a little bonkers and a little out of control right now, especially with regards to finances and lifestyle.

:grouphug:

pania wrote: »

I need to start picking out the simple, beautiful, and free things in life. and as we are fast approaching my favourite time of year (autumn, I love it, all crisp and colourful and fresh) there are plenty of free pleasures to be had all around. That head needs to be hauled back out the sand and start enjoying the daylight again.

While the daylight still lasts for more than 2 hours a day...

pania wrote: »

So, where to start,, I guess as this is DFW i should start with financial gumbo, but as that is all a little raw right now and i love flying in the face of normality i think i shall leave that little gem until last.. (and i also need to get my kevlar butt pad on due to the severe butt kicking I know i shall receive from a fellow, nearby, but lovely DFW friend) all i can say is i'm sorry, i've screwed up. and i know it.

pania wrote: »

Soooo when we last spoke i think I was just about to go off onto my canine instructors course, and my jeepers what a course it was. For a canine addict like myself it was pure heaven and the freedom of being away from home for the duration of the course was like someone had set a caged bird free.
I did really really well at the course, am now a qualified canine instructor (have 2 clients lined up woot woot!!) and the offer of a full time position at the school that i trained at working as an instructor with security and close protection dogs as a speciality!!

Which is excellent news - the ability to slip away from tossaboss (tm).

pania wrote: »

This job would be the kind where I would be standing in the middle of a field, in the middle of a winters day, with the rain lashing down, shivering with cold, thinking, you know what i don't care cos i bloody love this.

There is no such thing as the wrong kind of weather, just the wrong kind of clothing. Wear something warm and waterproof and you'll be fine.

pania wrote: »

But... In order to take up this opportunity I need to leave where I am now, which brings me onto the OH issue...

I have finally finally ended it with the OH,

:T :beer: :j

Because you know you didn't deserve tossaX (tm).

pania wrote: »

I am a shadow of the P that I used to be and all of the things that I used to do. I used to scuba dive on a weekly basis. (free as i helped with the try dives and nervous students) I used to go out walking in the new forest, I used to go to the gym eeevery day. all the things i used to do that i no longer do as i've had all the enthusiasm sapped out of me by coming up against obstacles posed every step of the way.

:grouphug:

pania wrote: »

I can't live a lie anymore and i need to start to get back to being me and if that needs to involve me being alone for a while then so be it. It is nice to be with someone, to share those little moments in life, but sometimes to truly love someone else we need to first know how to love ourselves, and i think that is omethin gi could do with a little work on.

You have plenty of time, and one day in the future, out of the blue, you will find someone you do want to be with.

pania wrote: »

I am aware that this first post is going to get absurdly long so will pop it up and then move on from there.

Thanks for reading, thanks for the ramble and apologies for the total non dfwness but i am a great believer in cause and effect. the reason my finances are parp right now is as a result of the other areas in my life that also need some work to get that focus back.

Love you all
P
xxx

:kisses3:

pania

awwww thanks hon.


really must go get ready for work. Half of my problem is procrastination.... knowing i need to do something but just not getting on with it. am gone... see you all later!!!!!!!!! xxx

Lucy1982_2

Pania.

Can I just say reading this has nearly brought be to tears (and it's not just cos of interview emotions) I left here for a while and lost it, ran up money on my cc etc and then lost my job.

You have given me the courage to really go for my interview and then come home to sit down and admit what I have done.

Thanks hon, and of course we would never hit you!!!

OliveOyl_2

Oh P, welcome back to the Bandwagon. :beer:
Welcome back to the real you, not the one crushed by TB and XOH :j

Autumn is my favourite time of year too
Hertfordshire is my neck of the woods
I returned to the real me following a divorce (17 years ago now) It took time, but was worth it


But I find dogs - any animals actually a bit scary I can just manage my cat

Horace

Hey Pania

I know where you're at - OH's tend to take over and you lose yourself in the process, its a gradual thing so you don't even notice. At least now you are on your way back to being you.

I am pleased that the dog training/whispering course went well and that there are plenty of opportunities in that direction - will they not let you volunteer on a part-time basis before you get the job that's on offer?

I know what it's like to get into debt - I have just had to pile a load of business start up expenses onto credit card but hopefully will earn enough money to pay myself back via my business account - maybe I will be able to claim them against tax who knows? Think I had best transfer it to my 0% card and start paying more off it, I want to get it cleared before May 09:eek:

Don't be too hard on yourself, none of your friends will judge you - those that do, well they're not worth bothering about.

Anyway, its great to see the new Pania - you sound happier now that you have gotten rid of one load of excess baggage now you just need to shed yourself off tossaboss and start living again.:D

Tip: get freebies, do surveys and exchange points for things, join consumer pulse and enter your clothes shopping and any beauty stuff you get mobile phone bills etc, you get good points and 10000 points gets you a voucher. You even get 500 points if you tick boxes each week to say you haven't bought anything:D - You will soon be back on track.

As for dear pony, I am sure you will find him another home - its a pity his current one don't understand about animals getting spooked by speeding cars. I hope you manage to find him a decent, more understanding home.

Take care
Luv
Horace x

jinky67

Oooh a nice new diary

Good luck P

you just did what you have to do.

We all have to find ourselves..there seems to be a lot of it about just now

redsquirrel80

Hello honey, it's good to see you back on here, and sounding much more happy than, well, ever since I've known you I think! Sure you have the ability to get back on top of the money stuff again (*whispers* payday loan, you're not the only one ), especially once the new job starts - wow, something you love AND a good salary! :T

Lots of luck and lots of love xx