Arghh - upcoming nightmare impending

wobblebottom

Thanks All SS not involved.. just lil ole me.. whos left picking up the pieces every week..

I do know the reasons.. just dont want to go into too much details( its isnt anything really bad dont worry) but its enuf to justify them not wanting to go any more- unless things drastically change..

helen21_2

If you know the reasons and they are fully justified then i would remove my children from the situation, we all know are kids and if you feel that something is amiss you should do what is right for your children. Unfortunately he may have the law on his side but that is something you and a solicitor will have to battle out. Dear daddies are such T***S sometimes, and im sure he will wallow in it with friends and family.

Good luck with monday, and there is always loads on here that will help and support you as much as they possibly can, Take care

Helen

wobblebottom

thanks il let u know how i get on

hjb123

Have you told their Dad that it is them that arent wanting to go and see him and that they are crying and not wanting to go?

wobblebottom

yes this is how all this started this afternoon, my DD was trying to tell him and he was just having a right go at her.. s i jumped in and tried to explain- to no avail

hobo28

I do know the reasons.. just dont want to go into too much details( its isnt anything really bad dont worry) but its enuf to justify them not wanting to go any more- unless things drastically change..

If its not anything really bad and if your ex is by and large a decent parent then I would say that at the children's age, they should still go.

If the shoe were on the other foot and you had issues with the kids and they announced to their father that they did not want to come back, you'd be livid.

Whilst your kids are staying with him, he is THE parent and any arguments/disagreements need to be resolved between them. Just in the same way as when they are with you.

I've been a single father for a few years, both live with me now but I've been on the other side of the fence too.

Like I said, difficult to say without knowing the reasons but I would be wary of getting the solicitors involved if its just a normal domestic issue.

wobblebottom

Hobo28 I do understand where you are comming from but Ex is refusing to make his time with the children more enjoyable for them whilst they are with him and utilising his time with them doing things for them ( he only has them for 5 hrs a week) and by and large they have had enuf and really do not want to go anymore, i was purely trying to point this out to him as the children are both really down about the fact, i am not preventing them from going anymore, i want them to go but i will not force them to go causing more upset for them, and having to face the grumpiness upon their return,

He isnt a bad parent,just an unthoughtful one, who needs to set his priortys right for the time hes with the children and make things better for them and then maybe they would want to go more..

But until then hes the one doin all the screaming about courts and solictors , but i refuse to have the children upset any longer and WILL not force them to anything they dont want to if its making them unhappy..

aurorahelios

Back in the early eighties I was asked whether I wanted to have contact with my Dad and I was 10 at the time. Solicitors and the courts were involved and a social worker was called in to ask me. It was slightly different circumstances in that I hadn'tseen my dad for about 6 years but my answer was accepted and was the final outcome.

Personally I think the courts will consider your childrens views although I think it unlikely they will want to stop contact altogether. What about supervised contact, would that be an option?

jockettuk

my daughter is 10 nearly 11. she had just turned 5 when her dad and me split up.. she sees her dad (stays over) once a fortnight and every thursday for a few hours. she enjoys her one to one time with him but not when his partner is around.. his partner isnt horrible to her just isnt her mum and keeps telling her off for things that my daughter doesnt think she is doing wrong.. Her dad keeps taking his partners side and daughter thinks she comes 2nd in his life which i dont believe.. now and again i get i dont want to go to dads and i make her ring him up and explain he had a go at her once and she didnt see him for months although spoke on the phone .. now he accepts it when she dont want to see him.. it happens now and again ..

it you cant talk to your ex put it in writing that way he can read and re read till it sinks in that whatever he is doing with the kids the kids are bored etc..

if it goes to court he will have to pay costs and its more hassles for the kids ..

mabey get everyone in the one place you the ex and the kids and let them explain to him with you there they might feel more confident.. took my daughter ages to tell her dad how she felt as she didnt want to upset him ..

good luck.

mummysaver

Golly, this must be really hard for you - you seem to be getting it from everyone! A mother's lot ....

Perhaps some kind of third party mediator, or a family counsellor could help - at least it could help to keep temper's in check, and at least your ex might begin to realise that you haven't put the children up to this, and some resolution might be reached about visits that would keep the children happy. It would be a shame to lose contact with their dad if their complaints aren't about something serious, although obiously their feelings are serious, I just mean if he's not doing anything that social services or the police would be interested in.

Good luck today, hope it all works out.