What to do - move house now or wait til DD finishes first school year?

Jo_R_2

Just wanted some different opinions...

Me and OH currently live together in a very small (I cannot over-emphasise this!) two-bed house - OH moved in a few weeks ago, it was previously me and the girls as my ex moved out last year. I have two DDs aged 4 and 2, DD1 has just started reception class at our local school. Me and my ex moved to this area before DD1 was born because we wanted her to go to her current school

We are expecting (due February next year) and although currently space is okay, and probably for a while after baby is born as they'll be in with us, at some point we obviously need to move to a bigger place.

OH works full-time, I don't currently work but have been looking on and off since April when I got made redundant. The pregnancy is something that whether I like it or not is going to limit my options, also with DD1 starting school I don't want to be arranging a string of childminders/nurseries/after-school clubs. I should probably explain with reference to this that not long after I was made redundant I suffered with a horrible bout of depression which meant both DDs spent a lot of time away from me with my parents and being passed round quite a bit, and I'm very conscious that it has affected both DDs and I don't want to exacerbate any feelings of insecurity they might have by basically doing it again, if that makes sense.

So what I'm basically asking (!) is what to do? OH wants to move asap, which I would love to do, to get somewhere bigger, but thinking more practically, I think it's a bad idea to take DD1 out of her first year of school mid-year, not knowing if we can get another place wherever we move to, and also OH had a period out of work between March and July and borrowed some money off his mum, and spent more than was wise on his credit card, so is paying those back, and isn't quite living out of his overdraft (although he is getting there, and his overdraft isn't huge by any means and he does get paid weekly.) I'm worried it won't look great going to a letting agency right now - to be honest what I'd prefer to do is wait, as long as possible til we have a decent set of bank statements behind us to show to a letting agency, plus the opportunity for hopefully me to get a job, whether it be temporary (was thinking of some temp work til Christmas then look for permanent again after baby is born) or permanent, and the chance to work on paying off some more off our credit cards. I'm also in the process of arranging child maintenance from my ex and hopefully a contribution from him towards the loan I took out when we were together, which I don't want my now-OH tobe paying towards.

However I can TOTALLY see why OH wants to move - this place is tiny, it's where I lived with my ex so he feels a bit weird about that (I can understand that, I'd feel the same) and he wants us to have somewhere that is 'ours'. Thing is, even if we did compromise and he said he'd wait, say, three or four months, I'd still be worrying about taking DD1 out of school.

Sorry so long, but any suggestions on any part of this? I'm just a bit here-and-there at the mo!

Krystaltips

Could you not look at bigger houses in the same area? That way you wouldn't need to remove DD from school. Also, how do you really feel about moving house? Our baby is due in May and at the moment I can barely do the housework, let alone think about packing the whole house up and moving....But then it won't be much easier when you have a new baby and all the accesories to pack up too...

It is understandable why your OH would want to move if you got the place with an ex, but at the same time he has only just moved in with you and that's a big transition for your girls to cope with, I would be tempted to let them settle in with the idea before I upped and moved them somewhere else....

But it's ultimately up to you and your OH...

Jo_R_2

Ah - realised I didn't mention - the catchment area for the school is ridiculously tiny. I mean it's about 0.3 miles around the school. Houses very rarely come up for rent, and the ones that are at the mo are way out of our price range. Even if we moved outside the catchment but still in the same place we'd be facing the same problem with price because the area is expensive. If we were to move to the next part of the city along, closer to town, I think I'd feel better because I know a lot of DD1's nursery friends go to the school there and it's still familiar.

I moved house twice when preg with DD1 and shortly after having DD2, luckily we had a lot of help both times so it went pretty smoothly, to be honest I find the most stressful part the actual looking!

Me and OH haven't disagreed as such, he knows I feel the same as him about wanting to move as soon as is humanly possible! The house is claustrophobic, poor OH hasn't got room to put any of his stuff, most of his clothes are in a laundry basket at the side of the bed because there is no drawer space and no room for more drawers, and the rest of his stuff is still at his mums! So in that respect I see his point entirely, it's just what's best for DD1 as well and balancing it all out.

sooz

Have you considered extending the house, rather than moving? If there is room, it's can be a lot cheaper than moving.
If your OH is involved in the planning, it would also help him to feel as if it's more his house IYKWIM.

Jo_R_2

Unfortunately I couldn't do that as the house is rented. We're looking to rent when we move for the time being.

I think if being honest, I'm a little hesitant also because OH is very keen to move back across town to where he grew up and where his mum lives. This in itself isn't a problem, it's more that he's admitted himself that he's only really interested in that area. It has positives in that it's near his family, there's good schools and we'd get a lot more renting for our money, but there's a few other areas you can say the same about and I don't want to a) miss out on something that could be ideal because we're only looking in one place, and b) him to want to move back because it's near his mates and he doesn't have to pay for a taxi there and back if he wants to meet up (which having moved here, he does do - but that's a whole different story!)

Don't get me wrong, it would be a nice area to live. I just don't want to feel railroaded into it because it works out better for him!

r.mac_2

I think that if it were me in your situation I would want to stay where we are for a little longer. My reasons are:

1. I would want my DD to finish the year before moving schools because the move isn't necessary.
2. opportunity to save up deposits/sort out other finance issues before moving, assessing affordability of other areas etc
3. lots of big changes have happened recently and i think some time to let these settle down would be beneficial.

Jo_R_2

r.mac wrote: »

I think that if it were me in your situation I would want to stay where we are for a little longer. My reasons are:

1. I would want my DD to finish the year before moving schools because the move isn't necessary.
2. opportunity to save up deposits/sort out other finance issues before moving, assessing affordability of other areas etc
3. lots of big changes have happened recently and i think some time to let these settle down would be beneficial.

Thanks - I agree with all of these, esp. no.3. When ex moved out, I made a conscious decision to stay where we were (ie this house) because both DDs were so young, I wanted to keep as many constants as I could to help them feel stable.

I'm just not sure how to explain this to OH - as I said he's so keen to move, and in principle I'm not averse to the idea either, but I know he's going to be unhappy if I say I think we should stay for a bit. I mean, I know he'll completely agree if I mention the reasons listed above, especially the financial side which he's already said he's happy for me to take the lead on, although not moving DD1 mid-year is something I've already said I wouldn't be comfortable with, to which he says 'kids are adaptable' - he was moved many times when quite young after his parents divorced so that's where he's coming from with that.

So I can see to an extent he'd understand but still want to move!

Nicki

You need to check with the school about their rules, as they can vary from local authority to local authority, but in our area the catchment area only matters when you are applying to the school for your oldest child. Once your first child is in the school, even if you move subsequently, they can continue to attend it. For the younger children, if they have a sibling who is already at the school and will still be there when they first attend, in our area the places will be offered to the siblings first (irrespective of catchment area), then the remaining places will be offered to non-siblings based on how far away they live.

hth

r.mac_2

yes, kids are very adaptable, but I do think that moving just for the sake of it at the cost of other things isn't always a smart move.

Why not tackle it by starting off by saying to him that yes, you like the idea, but have thought it through and don't feel its a suitable time - and set a date to review it - say in 6 to 9 months time, so you could look together for suitable properties in the summer holidays. This gives him a frame of reference and shows that you are taking his concerns seriously as well. Plus this gives you time to research schools etc.

sooz

Jo_R wrote: »

Unfortunately I couldn't do that as the house is rented. We're looking to rent when we move for the time being.

I think if being honest, I'm a little hesitant also because OH is very keen to move back across town to where he grew up and where his mum lives. This in itself isn't a problem, it's more that he's admitted himself that he's only really interested in that area. It has positives in that it's near his family, there's good schools and we'd get a lot more renting for our money, but there's a few other areas you can say the same about and I don't want to a) miss out on something that could be ideal because we're only looking in one place, and b) him to want to move back because it's near his mates and he doesn't have to pay for a taxi there and back if he wants to meet up (which having moved here, he does do - but that's a whole different story!)

Don't get me wrong, it would be a nice area to live. I just don't want to feel railroaded into it because it works out better for him!

sorry - I didn't realise from your post that you were renting. Your LL might not want you to extend

I agree with another poster, check with your DD's school, even if you move a little out of catchment she should be able to keep attending.

In the meantime, can you go shopping with OH to address the storage issues? I've just got back from a weekend at Ikea (well, it felt like it ) and once my OH gets his tools out we should have enough wardrobes to fit all our stuff....floor to ceiling all along one wall. We've sold all our old smaller wardrobes through ebay.

Savvy_Sue

Nicki wrote: »

You need to check with the school about their rules, as they can vary from local authority to local authority, but in our area the catchment area only matters when you are applying to the school for your oldest child. Once your first child is in the school, even if you move subsequently, they can continue to attend it. For the younger children, if they have a sibling who is already at the school and will still be there when they first attend, in our area the places will be offered to the siblings first (irrespective of catchment area), then the remaining places will be offered to non-siblings based on how far away they live.

The only problem with that, is that even if that's how it works this year, you have no guarantee that it will work that way next year, or the year after that, or the year your littlest is due to start school.

So, is there anything you can do to make the house more 'ours' and less 'mine and the ex's'? Can you decorate, cheap and cheerfully, of course ... change the storage, as already suggested? Grand clearout? etc etc etc