The Diary of a reformed Ostrich! (no more head in the sand!)

petrafyde

I confess, I'm one. My husband too, he's always done it whereas my little habit sort of came around when experiencing (still am) deep depression. It seemed easier to just not open the letters, spend carelessly and refuse to think about the consequences.

They always say it takes getting to the bottom before you realise what a mess you're in, and I have. I've been spending carelessly without thought toward the bills or other commitments and I've driven us into a debt ridden hole which we could easily have avoided had we both been straight about things to start with.

It took a major argument with a neighbour over the weekend for me to snap out of the little cocoon I've surrounded myself in, and I've faced up to the fact I need help, sharpish. I know the only way to do this is by helping myself (us!) so here I am. I feel as though I've been too mousy, too much of a doormat for too long and came to browse this wonderful, wonderful forum. To see a whole section devoted to people like me was a shock, but a nice one. Reading some of the threads by other posters made me cry because I didn't think others would do the things I have.

I have debts which have remained unpaid for the last ten years, amounting to approximately £10,000 - and then a load more since. These were all accrued after the death of my son, I wasn't thinking straight I don't think, and most were for my then partner - which I was ultimately left with. There's no excuse for my own stupidity other than grief and a refusal to acknowledge responsibility for my own actions.

I met my now husband in 2001 after accruing most of these, and haven't helped myself since. We're in debt with the gas company most notably, and there are several (over ten) secondary companies whom I/we owe money to and I'd like to pay back for my own peace of mind at least. I just want to start anew, take control of my life and not feel scared everytime the phone rings, or there's a stranger at the door. The utter despair and fatigue I feel when I wake up of a morning knowing I have commitments I have failed to meet has to stop before it consumes me.

Dramatic it may sound, but I can't bear it any longer and would dearly appreciate some help. I've not budgeted properly for over a decade and am terrified! Where do I begin? How can I possibly measure how much we spend on food etc when the shops we do are not weekly or monthly, but rather as and when we need with no costs being taken into account?

I downloaded the spreadsheet and got more scared, I don't know how on earth to find half of these totals, some I'm more frightened about finding out!

For example, my car went off the road and was in for repair but it was several months before we got it back (long story). As a result the tax expired and DVLA got on my back. When I received that letter (which I did open) it made me even worse. I hadn't declared the car as SORN (because I thought it would be fixed!) and hadn't renewed the tax - so there's the first fine. I also let the insurance lapse after two years of no claims...what a fool. I now apparently owe the insurance company hundreds - I want to make it right, but am just terrified.

Anyway, I don't know how I got the gumption to face up to this, but I'm trying hard. I'm very sorry if I come across as as much of a failure as I think I've been, but I do want to remedy things. Any help is of course appreciated.

Edit to update below.

Debt totals I'm aware of:
Provident = £4,120 Rebate total £3,191.92
Npower = £988 - £352 = £636
HSBC = Approx £7,500
Vanquis = £719.56
Creation (JJB iirc) = £311.72
Capital One = Unknown and received no post for years.
Overdraft = £1,600.0
Car Insurance approx £186.00 (need to sort out if I actually owe them this!)
Moorcroft = £945.00
Torbay Council (Phoenix Collections) £284.10 - £35 = £249.10
DVLA minimum £80

And no doubt more to come!

FROSTYFRECKLE

Firstly, you do not sound like a failure. You sound as if you are taking control and that is a SCARY:eek: thing to do. Clever people will be along soon to help, they will want a SOA - don't worry someone will provide a link.

climbingoutoftheabyss

Hi Petrafyde

Well, you've made the first step to sorting your problems by coming on this site.

You will need to complete a SOA, you'll get all the information by retrieving all those statements you've not opened (don't worry, lots of us have done that!) and listing it down. Its scary, but ultimately it will help.

From first glance it looks like you'll need a debt management plan, but first, list down that SOA and people will help

petrafyde

Thank you, what is SOA? statement of assets? (guessing)

I've thrown most of the unopened letters away a few weeks ago after hoarding/hiding! them in drawers.

Deep_In_Debt

Hi, just wanted to say welcome.

You'll find loads of support and help here. An SOA is a statement of affairs. I'm rubbish at computers and a bit of a techophobe so am scared to post the link in case I crash my PC!

Well done for posting. It is scary at first and when you post up an SOA (be honest otherwise we can't help!) and truely see the extent of the problem. I remember my SOA - I was terrified and in tears when I did it. I live on my own, have a mortgage and I just cried, but the good people on here helped me to put things into perseptive and helped me to save money. In a few months, I've managed to clear off a couple of debts. It's not easy but it will get better. just bear with it.

Good luck and keep posting.

MrsTinks

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Use that link for your SOA

MrsTinks

Link posted - now a few other points - your car insurance... if it lapsed how do they figure you owe them money and how have they calculated what they believe you owe them?
Roadtax - how big is the fine?
You're facing up to your issues - well done! Now... you said some debts are from over 10 years ago - when did you last pay anything towards them and when did they last actively try to get the money from you! This is VERY VERY VERY important...

petrafyde

Thank you for that link MrsTine.

The one letter I opened for car insurance basically stated some kind of plan - I didnt look into in detail because it scared me! (I know, I'm useless - I'm actually making myself smile now becaue it's soooo silly!)

Basically it was in case payment couldn't be met at the bank at any point, it would ensure I was still covered in case of accident etc. Good idea in theory but I didn't know -- or realise it was part of my insurance. The car I'm talking about is an older sports model, and I had to modify it slightly so the company deals only with modified cars (if that makes any difference).

The fine for DVLA is £80. I don't have it to give to them this month and am so stupidly frightened to ring them and just pay it when the cash is available.

The main debt was taken when I was 19. First a loan for £1100, then a topup to £5000 which paid off the older one on HSBC's advice. Since then they've chased me up hill and down dale. I don't recall ever making an effort to pay any of it off, but they keep finding me and keep sending letters. The total is now around £8000 that they want if I remember correctly. The last letter was a few months ago.

There are some catalogues, store cards and a credit card from capital one. I can't remember the others even though I've wracked my brains -- I don't get post from any others apart from JJB sports. *edit* I don't 'think' I get any... I haven't been opening the post

MrsTinks

Right - you have to stop being scared I used to avoid my debt too and ignore it because knowing how bad it was would make it all worse - if I ignored it surely it would all go away??? so I know where you're coming from
Call the DVLA and explain to them that you are unable to pay it this month - you will however pay it next month? If they say not good enough what have you lost? More likely they'll say ok pay it by x date Nothing ventured...
The car insurance - have you used the insurance? ie have you driven your car during the period the car was covered under the new policy at all?
If not I'd send them a letter advising that you have not used the policy as the car has not been used during the period of x -z and you do not believe you have been informed that your policy would be renewed unless you specifically informed them you wanted this. You admit you did not properly read the document but believed that as you hadn't told them to renew then it was merely standard letters trying to get you to sign up again. As the vehicle wasn't driven and you had not confirmed you infact wanted the policy to continue you do not believe you owe anything. And stick to your guns!

Ok as they have continued to chase you for the debt then it doesn't fall under the statutebarred debts unfortunately...

So... an soa

petrafyde

What are statebarred debts please?

The SOA I shall do this evening and post tomorrow, thank you once more for your help.

MrsTinks

Sorry i can't spell meant statute barred

A debt is considered Statute Barred if a creditor has not contacted a debtor for a period of 6 years and no action has been taken on the account.
Although the debt is still legally acknowledged as being owed, the creditor is not able to take any legal action against the debtor in order to recover the debt. It is considered unfair if a creditor or debt collector misleads the debtor into believing the debt is still legally recoverable. It is also considered an unfair practice if the creditor or debt collector press for payment after the debtor has stated they will not be paying the money owed. This could amount to harassment contrary to Section 40(1) of the Administration of Justice Act 1970.

From debtquestions.co.uk - as you say they have chased you regularly then your debts do not come under this unfortunately.