Relationship help!

lufcgirl

Where do I begin...So three years ago I met a girl in a chatroom and we met up and had the most amazing weekend together. She was at Uni a couple of hours from me but from the other end of the country. We were together for a few months and it was a very intense relationship, we were crazy about each other. Broke up due to distance and that we were both getting jealous over nothing which was heartbreaking for us both. We've stayed in touch and of course had other relationships since.

Now I'm living with someone and was very happy with them, until a couple of months ago. Now my ex is back on the scene saying she's in love with me etc...and we met up. Things were amazing just like it used to be. We got back together (even though she didn't know I had a girlfriend) and then we broke up again due to the jealousy issues/distance again. Now were in a friends stage...but I went down on Saturday and we were just like a couple and having a good time together again! It's so confusing. Also I have the girlfriend I live with questioning everything. I don't want to be with her and I feel cruel stringing her along but I've tried to break up and she won't have it, and keeps crying till I say I'll stay. I feel so guilty!
I'm sorry this probably doesn't make any sense, but I seem to be in love with a girl I can't have and have a girl I don't want!

Tiger_greeneyes

The only thing you can really do is the right thing - if you're sure you aren't in love with the girl you live with then it's only fair to let her go and to be firm (but kind) about it.

As for the other girl, just see how it goes. Are you sure it's her you want, or do you want her because you can't have her? Lots of people enjoy the thrill of the hunt but that wanes once the chase is over.

It seems like a relationship fraught with problems though, maybe you both need a bit of help with working through your jealousy and trust issues before moving in or any type of commitment together. Living with jealousy is destructive and not a good start to a life together.

I hope it all works out for you, there's no substitute for being happy

lufcgirl

We'd never move in together, neither of us like where the other lives too much! I just feel so guilty all the time and hate being questioned by the girl I live with. It's heartbreaking seeing her cry. I am in love with my ex, and i know I am...it's just we both see each other as friends at the moment with no clear way to be together

glossgal

I would say if things didn't work out before then what's to say this time would be different with your ex? Sorry, that sounds a bit harsh but you know what I mean? You're still the same people and distance is still an issue. It sounds to me like maybe she's at a loose end now and knows how to push your buttons, even if not deliberatley. Also, how long were you together? if it was only a few months to begin with I think you need to take a chill pill and stop building it up into something it never was? We've all been there, feeling like we're part of some tragic love story..oh the drama lol! Personally I would deal with the issue of your current girlfriend first eg if you don't want to be with her, regardless of the ex, this is something to address anyways.

Good luck!

rozzy_2

At least end it with the girl your living with to prevent leading her on any more.

As for the girl you love, if the distance is a major issue yet neither want to move to the other's area, could you perhaps find somewhere in the middle and rent to see how you get on.

If neither of you will compromise then I cant see how you can be together.

lufcgirl

glossgal - Thanks for the advice, I know exactly what you mean though. Believe me the both of us has had this conversation many times about where we go from here. Were at the moment 'friends with benefits' which is strange but ok. It isn't some tragic love story, to be fair we've been in touch nearly every day for three and a half years now, it's not going to change at all

glossgal

friends with benefits haha, that's what me and OH were originally and we're still together five years later so it can work! On the other hand this kind of set up can be very painful in the long run because it's stopping you from moving on with your life. You said you were happy until recently, can you work on that and keep the ex at arms length for a bit? I don't mean to imply your relationship with her isn't meaningful, hope doesn't read that way, I just feel relationships that don't have to endure the nitty gritty day to day stuff ie long distsance ones are easy to get misty eyed about because they offer a bit of escapism.

Re: the jealousy, totally agree with Tigers post, if you and the ex decide to make a go of it but are both fiery characters then you need to think about how you can be together and work on it or history would probably repeat itself!

simpywimpy

If you hadn't met up with the ex again, would you have been happy with your current girlfriend? If not you need to make the break as already said. It's not fair to either of you to carry it on.

Perhaps the most sane thing to do would be to cut ties with both girls and set about finding someone who you can love without all these problems and pressures

Good luck with it all x

Errata

You may not love your live in girl friend, but that's no reason not to treat her with respect. Stop trying to have your cake and eat it. Move out. Sort your head out. Then decide if the girl friend with benefits is the relationship you want and put some effort into making it work.

lufcgirl

If I hadn't seen her again...well I'd still have thought about her but the live in girlfriend I would still be in the stage of wanting to break up with.
I wish people would understand it's not about wanting to 'have my cake and eat it'...if I could break up with my live in gf then it'd be great, but everytime I try she begs, locks the doors won't let me out etc. It's a hard situation!

Errata

lufcgirl wrote: »

If I hadn't seen her again...well I'd still have thought about her but the live in girlfriend I would still be in the stage of wanting to break up with.
I wish people would understand it's not about wanting to 'have my cake and eat it'...if I could break up with my live in gf then it'd be great, but everytime I try she begs, locks the doors won't let me out etc. It's a hard situation!

Blimey -unlock 'em. It isn't hard, tell her you're sh*gging someone else who's better at it then she is, better looking, richer, younger etc etc.
Or else find an assertion skills course.