Shiny Sparkly Daily CHAT Thread - Everyone Welcome - FRIDAY! 3rd October

(Land_of)_Maz

Morning all/or afternoon as it is now....

Hope everyone is feeling okay...

where is sammy? i want to know how the big chat with boss went?

cat4772

I'm off to pay £1000 off the visa, which will leave £390 on that one and £650 on the Goldfish card. I'm going to try to pay £200 a month of the Halifax and then I can attack the Goldfish card AND build up a bit of savings for when I go on Maternity leave.

I'm quite :eek: about removing a grand from the current account as it's been a bit like a safety net for me. I'll still have £500 to play with in the account but i'm still :eek: What will I do if something goes wrong and I need money fast:eek: :eek: :eek:

Oh well, it's fairly easy to build money up.

Oh, and I'm changing the pin number on my card. I've realised that Wayne has been paying a visit to the cashpoint on a wednesday night / Thursday morning and helping himself to a tenner here or £20 there! Not any more he won't:mad:

Hope to be online later on!

Cat.x

daphne_descends

The ebay rules about feedback, it seems a lot of sellers are getting stung because you can't leave buyers negative feedback. Sort of defeats the point!

Can I moan a little bit here? I am having problems with my mum and it's so frustrating, I feel like nothing I do is right by her and she is acting so wounded. Sorry this is so long

Right, just to clarify I don't hate smokers, used to be one myself, and I know what it's like to be addicted. So, my mum smokes. And since I had Elliot, I asked her to just wait a while after having a cigarette before holding him. And at first she did. Then I had to remind her because she was picking him up for a cuddle after about a minute and she got really, really offended. I wasn't rude or anything but I know she is so sensitive about it. But sorry, he comes before her feelings and that's that. So since then (that was a few months ago ) i just made sure I was holding him or he was busy after she'd smoked so she couldn't pick him up (she smokes outside by the way, NEVER in my house and rarely in her own)

Alongside this smoking saga, I've been getting a bit miffed with her anyway. She used to come over twice a week in her lunch break, to see 'me'. And bear in mind I've had a rather !!!! time of it, don't know many people with babies etc, so she might be the only adult company I would have in a day, and she knew this. But she'd come over and I'd try to talk but she'd completely ignore me and just coo over Elliot.

Don't get me wrong I am delighted that she is so besotted with him, especially as OH's parents don't take that much interest, and I love that they are close and would never change it for the world.

But this all added up to me just being fed up of her. I love her, and I am grateful she is around - I really mean that, especially when I know so many DFWs have sadly lost their mothers all too soon. I try to be grateful every day for what I have. But I decided to take a bit of a break and not see her so much. So, we went shopping two weeks ago. Elliot was crying and she basically lost it with me because I said no when she offered to pick him up. She stormed off, I stormed off. When I tried to explain she said I made her feel dirty and unfit to be around him

Probably should have mentioned this earlier but since Elliot was born I have been terrified of SIDS. And I mean terrified. So maybe I'm a bit over-sensitive about it because I know it increases the risk. Maybe if I weren't so scared I'd be a bit more relaxed. But !!!!!! how hard is it to smoke and wait ten minutes before picking him up! That is all I am asking!

So now she is on holiday and we've been texting a bit, I let her know how it went yesterday. She just sent me one asking if I was going to let her have anything to do with me or elliot when she is back.

I replied and said the idea of not letting her see Elliot has never and will never cross my mind. I said I just don't want him exposed to the residue from tobacco smoke and want her to wait before picking him up.

Her reply is 'well being realistic your answer is really no'

:mad: :mad: :mad: I am trying to be SO tactful about this and not offend her and she just doesn't get it! How on earth is my answer no - I am livid to be honest as I have done everything I can to avoid a falling out.

What I really want to say is, for god's sake mum grow up, sort yourself out and stop smoking - she has gone on for years that she 'will quit' - yes well I've done it so don't tell me I don't know how hard it is, I did it for Elliot, if she can't find a reason then what does she want me to do?? Let her smoke all over him? !!!!!! :mad:

SORRY my fingers ache, my tea is cold, and Elliot is wondering why I am not playing with him!

redsquirrel80

Aargh. My workmates are mostly lovely but they're driving me mad this week talking about money stuff. They're all going on about 'credit crunch' (although they actually mean rising prices etc), but yesterday we had discussion about the woman who lived off £1 a day - they insisted it wasn't possible, or you'd have a very boring life if you did it - today it's M&S food and how £1.50 for carrot and swede mash is a 'bargain' :rolleyes:

daphne_descends

PS When I say I did it for Elliot I stopped when I got my BFP, first month of TTC so wasn't quite expecting that :eek:

redsquirrel80

DD - big hugs.. maybe you could mention to her that as well as being concerned about Elliot, you're worried about her health too? Tell her you'd love to see her stop and that you'll help her, since you've already been there and done it...? Things can be so easily misinterpreted in text, so maybe a phone call is in order to talk things through.

daphne_descends

Oh I hate texting, you're right Red, SO many times you hear people mis-understand things because it was sent by text. She's in Thailand though so no phone calls for a week or so (not sure when they're back)

I have told her and it's true, I am very scared that she will get cancer, she has smoked for nearly 40 years. I stopped smoking by reading and listening to Allen Carr and have given her his book and CD because he is so gentle with it - doesn't patronise or tell you you're stupid, he smoked 60 a day at one point and knows what it is like. He even says to carry on smoking while you read the book, but she won't even pick the damn thing up.

Snaggles

DD, I had a similar problem with Ryan and MIL - I never really found an easy solution but I can sympathise. She did give up smoking eventually, so fingers crossed your Mum will too.

But don't let her guilt trip you into giving in - you have every right to protect your baby, and as your Mum, she should understand this more than anyone. She might be being offhand because you have touched a nerve and she knows you are right?

(Land_of)_Maz

awwwww DD - i dunno where to begin. it sounds like you are being more than reasonable about this whole thing...

put aside the miffed-ness about her doting on Elliot as this does kinda rebalance itself out in time, i know my relationship with my mum was a bit wierded out for a while when Erin was wee, and it's rebalanced now she's older. this will pass and verbalising it to her in any way will just make her feel worse, and you, cause you'll feel silly even saying it.

Re the smoking thing... you have been really reasonable with your mum, and she needs to know that this is a compromise on your part to have her smoke around him at all.... maybe you should ask her to handwash before picking him up rather than trying to allocate a timescale...

dare i say it, her having had a cigarette and holding him are not going to do him much harm, you are protecting him by not smoking around him but i'm not sure what are the risks to him from smokey hands etc... certainly negligable i would expect, especially after handwashing....

SIDS is a worry for everyone hun... and it kinda goes with the territorry. i still can't go to bed without looking in on erin one last time even if i've already gone in once and found her asleep, i can't get into my bed unless i just have a quick check up on her.... so in that regard you are perfectly natural and normal mum.

as you so rightly say, your mum is special and i do think you should be the bigger person and apologise, even though you have nothing to apologise for... just to keep the peace. your mum is being a bit of a mare about it to be honest, but there could be loadsa reasons why she feels like that...

och hun, i hate to see you upset.... hope you feel better by just venting....
have a dodgy hug! :grouphug: :grouphug: or two!

JET34

DD - Sending you a huge HUG... Unfortunately smoking like all addictions you have to want to give up to be successful perhaps she isn't ready to.. your doing the right thing in having your mum smoke outside away from Elliot... and as for sids I think we all go through that I have been know to get up of a night just to check that the boys were ok....
Anyway loads of hugs
Jane