Advice please regarding two young bridesmaids (long!!)

spikeage

I need some advice about my bridesmaids please. The day we got engaged my h2b's two neices put me on the spot and asked me if they could be bridesmaids, I said yes without thinking as the proposal was unexpected and I was high as a kite. Later I was annoyed that their parents had not told them off for being so rude and I wished I had not agreed but as they are only 10 and 11 I decided to have them as bridesmaids and not make a fuss. The problem is that they live abroad and will not be in the UK until the week before the wedding so I am concerned about ordering their dresses etc. My h2b's sister warned me this week that the girls mother thinks she will just buy a couple of dresses for them abroad (without me even seeing them!!!) and thinks this will solve the problem. I am not happy about this and it is not a solution as I have two bridesmaids that live in the UK and one is 10 as well so different dresses would look silly. My h2b wants to speak to the girls mother and warn them they will have to be back in the UK one week before the wedding to get their dresses altered. However they are from Wales and the wedding is in Scotland and my fear is that when they arrive home they will not want to come up to Scotland a week early. The girls mother is not reliable and I can see us buying two dresses/accessories/flowers and her breezing in the day before the wedding. I feel stressed about this already and the last thing I want to be worrying about the week of my wedding is if the bridesmaids will arrive in time for their dresses to be altered. My main concern is that the girls will not be fitted in time and I will have spent about £400 for nothing as if the dresses don't fit they cannot be bridesmaids. My h2b was wondering about any other role the girls could have but I can only think of giving a horseshoe and they are a bit old for that. Can anybody give me their opinion please??

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black-saturn

I think you need to get the girls mother to give out detailed measurements so that you know you are going to get the right sized dresses. Waist, chest, hips, height, arms length, everything. Make it clear to them that they cannot be bridesmaids unless they are wearing the same dresses as the others and a shop bought dress will not be acceptable. Keep in close contact with them from now until the wedding. Tell them that if they dont arrive at yours a week before they will not be able to have their dress fitted and therefore cant be bridesmaids.

Dont stress about it though. make sure you have a great day and dont even let dresses spoil it. In years to come this problem will seem like nothing compared to all the others your going to have to live through.

mountainofdebt

To be honest I would be very reluctant to having them as bridesmaids even if they did agree to come up to Scotland a week early ....I mean if the mum is not relaible then what's to stop her agreeing to this condition and then some unexpected 'crisis' prevent them from coming!!!


Could they not hand out the order of service booklets or what about showing people to their seats....I know this is traditionally the ushers job but we're grasping here, lol!!!

johannamse

I got married in June this year. I had three small bridesmaids, one 3 and two 4. I got all their dresses from Next, and they wore bolero's from Next as well. The shoes were from Woolworths and the hairbbands from Claires Accessories. They looked AMAZING! I cannot impress on you enough how good the Next outfits looked.

Well...onto the ordering. I ordered (via mail order) 6 dresses in a variety of sizes about 2 months before, and then they all tried them on at home and we kept the three best fitting dresses and returned the rest. I think Next definitely go up to about 16 (see here http://order.next.co.uk/page.asp?b=X36&p=520&o=1) ( they have a better selction in the spring summer - so look back in feb/march). You could do the same and order 4-6 dresses a month before, and then when the girls try them on (it could even be the day before), you can just return the unused dresses.

I can send you a picture if you send me your email address. It really did all look amazing and was very MSE as well.

Please dont get stressed. You will be annoyed at yourself afterwards for letting these annoying people get to you. Just breathe deeply...

Hope this helps.

£Ronnie

Throw the ball back into the Mum's court....
How about ordering four bridesmaids dresses, that you like, and sending two to the girls' mum and give her the responsibility of finding a seamstress near her to have them measured/altered at an appropriate time before the wedding? One less thing for you to worry about and if she dosent like it, then they can't be bridesmaids....

My sister who is not a girly girl at all was one of my bridesmaids, my mum told me after the wedding that she had two safety pins under her armpits, holding it up as it was strapless and she isn't well endowed if you catch my drift....Did I notice? Not at all, I was too busy having a good time!

macchicken

Get your h2b to tell their mother that there are problems with getting dresses and ask it instead they would be able to give out the favours at the wedding!

When you are getting married everyone thinks they are allowed to play a role, i have a neice who thought sulking for a week would make me and my h2b let her be flower girl at our wedding,this sort of behaviour was just what we were worried about. So we stuck to our guns, she soon came round.
Stress is the last thing you need now.
Cut out the problem, cut out the stress!

KizzyK_2

I would put my foot down and say that they live too far away and it isn't suitable for them to be bridemaids. At 10 and 11 they should be able to understand this and the fact that its your day not theirs and you want everything to be right for you (as is every brides right! ).
Or if you want to preseve family peace, tell their mother in front of them that if they are not at your house on such and such day and time (ie week before the wedding) for dress shopping its not gonna happen. That way its mom's faught that they arn't gonna be bridemaids (evil I know but sometimes the only way to handle it) and she can take the fall out.

Good luck with whatever you do and remember to enjoy your day :j :T :j

Freebie_Hunter_2

Working in the wedding industry, I see this problem a lot. More to the point (apart from me actually asking my nieces to be BM's) your problem is EXACTLY the same as mine was!

Firstly, BM dresses come in standard lengths. They will need altering regardless and this is impossible without the girls. This is because when a garment is worn it changes shape, so the hem may end up too short etc.
However, there is another way.

I ordered mine from a seller on E-Bay who can make them to measure and not only were they mega-cheap but they were excellent quality and fitted PERFECTLY! A week simply isn't enough for a seamstress to fit, alter and check 4 BM. More than one fitting is usually needed.

What you need to do is add a condition to them being bridesmaids. You need about 6 weeks before the wedding to order from the seller I bought from (not me BTW!!!), so you need to ask them to buy their tickets and show you that they're going to be in the UK and in Scotland the week before the wedding. No proof, no dresses, no bridesmaids. Also tell the Mum that any dress will not be acceptable and that the girls will be wearing the same as the others.
Be firm.

Don't rely on high street stores to have what you need in stock. Again these come as standard and will probably need alterations. It may be more hard work than it's worth, they won't always have the sizes in stock and their season is very short starting at april and finishing around june/july.

Please feel free to PM me if you need any more help. I really do sympathise with you and it was a bit of a headache for us as well, but this method really worked for us and took the pressure off!

Good luck!

scotslass_3

My honest opinion is that you have already been given some good options if you want to accomadate the girls as bridesmaids, but at the end of the day it comes down to... what do you want ? and also what do you want to do about it? If it is stress you don't need and your fiance is happy to support your decision.. go with your instinct. If you want to be tactfull, just explain the bridal shop said..... , and say you are sorry but can't be helped/done. Sometimes you have to be assertive if the alternative is making you unhappy.

Good luck

Threadhead

I'd have to agree with JohannaMSE - Order 2 or 3 sizes of the dress(es) YOU like andsend back the ones that dont fit. Kids are more or less a standard size at 10 or 11 (ie dont usually have a massive chest/hips).

My oldest daughter has been a bridesmaid twice, and both her dresses came from BHS and were lovely.

black-saturn

Threadhead wrote:

I'd have to agree with JohannaMSE - Order 2 or 3 sizes of the dress(es) YOU like andsend back the ones that dont fit. Kids are more or less a standard size at 10 or 11 (ie dont usually have a massive chest/hips).

Dont you believe it. My eldest daughter is 11 and takes a size 14 in clothes and a 36dd in bra!!! :eek: