Pregnant niece, my sister at breaking point:(

candygirl

astonsmummy wrote: »

Tell her to ask her to leave, the council have a duty to house her in a hostel/temporary accomodation as she is pregnant, how far long is she?

Hi AM:hello:
I'm sure if Hazeys sis did this, the emotional blackmail would kick in. ie she would be told she couldn't see the baby etc:rolleyes:
How you doing hun?

SuziQ

I think in many ways we teach our kids how to treat us.I have tried to 'enable' my children,teaching them how to do things for themselves and expecting them to do things. I also expect them to be polite and I just couldn't tolerate that sort of behaviour. My children are 18,12 (almost 13) and 6 and I think you have to start from the word go,it's very difficult if a child has been spoilt all their life for them to change into a thankful,considerate polite adult.

I doubt whether your sister would enforce any ground rules even if she laid them-and of course her daughter knows that.Giving in to emotional blackmail is deadly and in any case I don't feel giving in to this girl is foing her any favours-she will best make her way in this world if she stops expecting to get her own way all the time,having stuff handed on a plate and learns to look after herself and treat people with respect. She is in for a pretty miserable life untils she learns that lesson.

She sounds very unhappy and resentful and sounds as if she may benefit from some counselling-how about the youth counselling service or connextions?

candygirl

SuziQ wrote: »

I think in many ways we teach our kids how to treat us.I have tried to 'enable' my children,teaching them how to do things for themselves and expecting them to do things. I also expect them to be polite and I just couldn't tolerate that sort of behaviour. My children are 18,12 (almost 13) and 6 and I think you have to start from the word go,it's very difficult if a child has been spoilt all their life for them to change into a thankful,considerate polite adult.

I doubt whether your sister would enforce any ground rules even if she laid them-and of course her daughter knows that.Giving in to emotional blackmail is deadly and in any case I don't feel giving in to this girl is foing her any favours-she will best make her way in this world if she stops expecting to get her own way all the time,having stuff handed on a plate and learns to look after herself and treat people with respect. She is in for a pretty miserable life untils she learns that lesson.

She sounds very unhappy and resentful and sounds as if she may benefit from some counselling-how about the youth counselling service or connextions?

I did all that with my DD SUZI.She is a lovely girl, very polite, hard working and gets on with everyone, but still sees me as the one who should do it all for her.I'm trying to remind her that it's my house and my rules, and setting up a plan for when the baby's born for her to eventually move out.At the mo tho, hard as it is I do feel like she needs my full support, or she will have a breakdown as she's been through so much:(
Hazey's Niece seems a bit more extreme

patchwork_cat

hazey - it really is down to your sister to sort this out. I know that you can see a problem and want to sort it, but you can't because it isn't your problem. We all wish that our family made different choices, but they don't and you have to let them get on with it. Eg you really can't stand your son's girlfriend - you have to let him get on with it because it is his life.

All you can do is talk to your sister about how her DD is taking advantage and tell her if she needs back up you are there, but beyond that it is between your sister and her DD. If she is spoilt then,I am sorry to say that your sister did the spoiling.

galvanizersbaby

patchwork cat - All you can do is talk to your sister about how her DD is taking advantage and tell her if she needs back up you are there, but beyond that it is between your sister and her DD. If she is spoilt then,I am sorry to say that your sister did the spoiling.

I agree with patchwork cat - I am just trying to envisage the scenario if I had come back to my mum's house pregnant and behaved in this fashion - my mother would have thought nothing of setting me straight about a few things!

astonsmummy

candygirl wrote: »

Hi AM:hello:
I'm sure if Hazeys sis did this, the emotional blackmail would kick in. ie she would be told she couldn't see the baby etc:rolleyes:
How you doing hun?

Yeah but by the sounds of it it would be hollow words, if she's this dependant now imagine how dependant she'll be when she has the baby.
I'm ok, starting to get excited now, only 2 weeks until my scan :j

hazeyjewel

patchwork_cat wrote: »

hazey - it really is down to your sister to sort this out. I know that you can see a problem and want to sort it, but you can't because it isn't your problem. We all wish that our family made different choices, but they don't and you have to let them get on with it. Eg you really can't stand your son's girlfriend - you have to let him get on with it because it is his life.

All you can do is talk to your sister about how her DD is taking advantage and tell her if she needs back up you are there, but beyond that it is between your sister and her DD. If she is spoilt then,I am sorry to say that your sister did the spoiling.

She has asked me for help and advice on this, otherwise I wouldn't be getting involved at all.
My Niece is 4 months pregnant for whoever asked:o
Candygirl I have pmd you, and thanks:D

candygirl

hazeyjewel wrote: »

She has asked me for help and advice on this, otherwise I wouldn't be getting involved at all.
My Niece is 4 months pregnant for whoever asked:o
Candygirl I have pmd you, and thanks:D

Hazey i've pmd you back, and it's obvious to me you're only trying to help your Sis as she is at her wits end.She's lucky to have you to care:A , and sometimes what we think we'd do and what we actually do in a situation are competely different:rolleyes: I never thought i'd have my DD back home to live, but sometimes there is no alternative in the short term;)

patchwork_cat

To be fair you didn't say that she had asked you for help in your OP did you?

You have already given her advice, as I have you, if she or you chose not to take it then that is up to you and her.

I shall now lead by example and not add anymore to my original advice.