Pregnant niece, my sister at breaking point:(

hazeyjewel

My 19 year old Niece has come back home to my Sisters pregnant, after living away for over a year.She is an only child, and has always been very spoilt, and left home at 18 when her Mum asked her for a pittance to help cover bills etc.
My Sister has recently split from her partner, not the girls Dad,and is at a very low ebb both financially and emotonially, and my Niece is literally slamming around as if she owns the place, is very reluctant to pay towards bills and food, and seems to think she is doing my sis a favour in moving back in to keep her company, whereas the reality is my sis was happy living on her own, with her job, and friends nearby for support.
I have told her some major ground rules need to be set, and she needs to go on the housing list for when the baby is born, as I can see my sis having a breakdowbn if she is left coping with the baby as well as working etc.
Any ideas of advice I can give?

mrcow

Is your niece not considering setting up home with the father? It would be the best move as they can then pay their own bills and leave your sister to it.

simpywimpy

This is a difficult situation for both you and your sister. All I can offer is that you try not to sound heavy handed with your sister and just give support where you can. If you come in guns blazing it will just add to the stress for her x

As for the neice. Your sister needs to find the strength from somewhere as really it's only something she can sort out. I agree with the ground rules and perhaps a three strikes and you're out (although that might be unenforceable as she gets nearer the birth)

Is it possible you could have a mature chat with the girl?

Get the forms from the council for your neice and help her fill them in to relieve your sister of the hassle. Help her to look for private renting in the meantime and offer your help in finding something suitable (as a way to get her out the door earlier)

Sorry I cant be more help but good luck with it

hazeyjewel

mrcow wrote: »

Is your niece not considering setting up home with the father? It would be the best move as they can then pay their own bills and leave your sister to it.

They have split up already, he doesn't want to know:(My niece has a better paid job than my sis who is really struggling to start with, now she's moved back in and pays a very small amount, and expects to be waited on hand and foot too.She cannot afford private renting yet, and wont get help with rent until the baby is born she said:o
I have tried to talk to her but she says my Sis never stops whinging:rolleyes:

simpywimpy

Try to sit the pair of them down together and give them each 5 mins to say their piece whilst the other says nothing but just listens. They might be able to find some common ground

hazeyjewel

simpywimpy wrote: »

Try to sit the pair of them down together and give them each 5 mins to say their piece whilst the other says nothing but just listens. They might be able to find some common ground

I have tried this, but my niece is a real drama queen, and uses emotional blackmail on her mum all the time.There's no way she would've moved back in if she wasn't pregnant, and this is the way she uses people all the time:mad:

candygirl

My heart goes out to your sis hazey, as I am in a similar situation at the moment with my own DD:( They leave home, without a backward glance, and then think they can come back bold as brass when things go wrong:rolleyes:
My DD also expects 24/7 counselling, cooking, cleaning, washing etc as well as living virtually free, and yet begrudging every penny I ask her for.It's an unrealistic and unfair situation for parents who are put in this position, cos whilst we wanna support and look after our kids, we also need our own lives too:o
I am happy to help all I can, and am doing all the time, but wont become an emotional whipping boy for her when she needs to vent:rolleyes:
Your Sis needs to write down all the bills and expenditure, compare it to what she would pay for her own place, and ask her to chose.Whatever they pay is never enough, especially not for the loss of peace and freedom;)
pm me anytime hun xx :A

hazeyjewel

Candygirl my heart goes out to you, after all you didn't plan this baby did you?I admire you for helping your Daughter out this way, and hope she does too.Make sure you take time for yourself, as my Sis also needs to do, and I will give her the ideas you suggested:o

astonsmummy

Tell her to ask her to leave, the council have a duty to house her in a hostel/temporary accomodation as she is pregnant, how far long is she?

Paparika

I feel sorry for your sister, tell her spoilt brat to get out, she should of kept her legs crossed if she can't manage on her own.

Your sister doesn't need this and if spoilt brat is now an adult then she can go manage elsewhere and find out how hard done by is really like





Sorry just so tired

RoxieW

Sounds like my OH's little sister. Spoilt, spoilt, spoilt. She'll never live in the real world because her parents, grandparents, brother (her other brother, my OH has since seen through he thank god) dote on their princess.

If she wont pay rent then she's out. Get your sister to stick to her guns!