advice on my daughter.

bestpud

Hmm, at 12 years old, she is perhaps not at the best stage, developmentally, to deal with this so I think you should be very careful how you approach it tbh. Plus it depends how this has been handled within the family.

Be prepared to pay maintenance if you do manage to see her - I'd have thought that would be the first thing the family would do if they are not happy with you seeing her! And rightly too of course - you should have been paying for your daughter...

I guess you could try writing to her mother and asking (I'm not sure it's a good idea to approach the child direct at this stage).

Or you could just see a solicitor and do things officially.

Are you prepared to go as far as a court order if need be, as it sounds like you may need to if they are still as angry with you now?

Loopy_Girl

You haven't bothered your shirt in 10 years to see her and haven't paid a singoe penny towards her upkeep since you decided to have a lifestyle change?

And how do you think a 12 year old girl is going to feel if she sees her Dad after 10 years and has to be told he is gay? It's a bit too much all at once for a puberty hit girl to deal with. Who exactly is this meeting going to benefit cos quite frankly I don't think it's her.

Personally I think you should have grown a set years ago and made sure you saw your daughter - threats or no threats.

I think you should let sleeping dogs lie and wait 4 years to see if she contacts you. 10 years is an awful long time to just suddenly appear in someone's life. And the fact you haven't paid any maintenance looks like you didn't give a toss.

Loopy_Girl

gaycouple wrote: »

thanks for your msg i feel i am ready to see my child on a regular basis

That's big of you eh? What about the past 10 years when she might have needed you?:mad:

Men like you make me sick. It's pathetic.

Penny-Pincher!!

I think this is a wind up!

Loopy_Girl

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

I think this is a wind up!

I was actually just thinking that too....:rolleyes:

Gay man, no maintenance, feels 'ready' to see child, no contact for 10 years.....hmmmmm

Seriously, I STILL can't get my head around people that do that?!!! Am I being naive but what is the pleasure in that?!!! These are probably adults that, as kids, pulled the legs off spiders just for fun!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

karen_newcastle

Gawd you lot can be harsh sometimes! I got the impression that this guy was not able to see his child after the marriage broke up. To be honest I don't know how I would react if I found out my hubby was gay not long after we'd had a baby together! It's a pretty tough one to get over and it sounds like the families have been seriously affected by the situation. Maybe walking away and letting the dust settle was the best option for everyone at the time? Maybe it's a wind up but there is nothing to suggest that is there?

vaio

Send her a cheque for 10 years maintenance (plus interest) together with a letter explaining you would like to maybe see your daughter

Loopy_Girl

karen_newcastle wrote: »

Gawd you lot can be harsh sometimes! I got the impression that this guy was not able to see his child after the marriage broke up. To be honest I don't know how I would react if I found out my hubby was gay not long after we'd had a baby together! It's a pretty tough one to get over and it sounds like the families have been seriously affected by the situation. Maybe walking away and letting the dust settle was the best option for everyone at the time? Maybe it's a wind up but there is nothing to suggest that is there?

Perhaps to a certain degree but not 10 years. There's letting the dust settle and there is whooping it up with your new life and forgetting your comittments of the previous.

And it still wouldn't explain why he hasn't paid a penny towards any upkeep for 10 years either.

Maybe it's just me but I think when you have kids you make a lifetime comittment to them even in the face of adversity. As I say though, could just be me.

Loz01

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

since you decided to have a lifestyle change?

Its not a "lifestyle change"... being gay is obviously who he is, why does that come into the equation when hes asking info about seeing his daughter? If it was someone with a wife or gf, people would never go on about his "change in lifestyle" - it doesnt matter if he's with a bloke or a woman, he still wants to see his daughter.. I just dont get it.

But Im not saying its great that he hasn't paid maintenance btw, thats not great at ALL, thats out of order and he should start paying now or back dating it or something.

Loopy_Girl

Loz01 wrote: »

Its not a "lifestyle change"... being gay is obviously who he is, why does that come into the equation when hes asking info about seeing his daughter? If it was someone with a wife or gf, people would never go on about his "change in lifestyle" - it doesnt matter if he's with a bloke or a woman, he still wants to see his daughter.. I just dont get it.

You are right. It's not a lifestyle change as I was actually biting my lip as what I really wanted to say that he must have known he was gay when he married and procreated which is selfish. And now, 10 years later, he feels 'ready' to see his daughter. What happens if his daughter is not 'ready' to see him. He's ready to go in all guns blazing and doesn't seem to have thought what this could potentially do to his daughter's life.

And I would have the same thoughts if it was a man that was with a female or male. No contact or child support in 10 years means that they have no right to upset a little girl's life after all this time and they should just hope that the child gets in touch when they are old enough to make their own mind up about what kind of man walks away without so much as a backward glance until a decade later. And just before her Mum is due another baby too - cracking timing to start upsetting everyone's lives.