Son on drugs & in debt.....help!!

tealady

Hi. Sadly the only person who can help an addict is the addict themselves. They must want to change. However that does not mean you have to tolerate his behaviour. Set down rules - its your house.
If he wants to take drugs then thats his choice but he has to be told that "Actions have consequences". As for him saying you are not helping. sorry but that sounds like an excuse to me. Tell him you will not give him money, you will feed him and give him a bed but thats it. If he doesn't like your rules then go and find a place of his own where he can make his own rules.
I appreciate this sounds a bit unsympathetic but you need to look after yourself first.

jamieboy

cmhbyandco wrote: »

I totally understand what you are saying.
I love my Son so much but by giving him money, I am making him worse. I know that now. I thought I was helping him but I now know I am killing him with love.

I just want him to sort himself out. To be content, if not happy & to stop destroying himself.

It is heart breaking. He is such a quiet lad, who has never been in trouble & has always worked hard. I have never put any pressure on him to be any better than he is............!!

I just want to help him......

cmbhyandco my heart breaks for you as I know what you are going through, I love my son too and to see what he had become was unbearable, he was so thin and gaunt where previously he was a well built lad. He was so bad I really thought he would die. You probably think "what did I do wrong" I did this all the time but don't blame yourself you can tell from your posts that you are a loving caring Mum. My daughter eventually persuaded me to attend a meeting of "parents in pain" I didn't want to go but they have all been through what you are going through now. Without them I don't think I could have been as strong as I was, perhaps there is something similar where you live. Please don't dismiss it as I did for a long time, you need some support now and what better people than someone who knows what you are going through.

cmhbyandco

jamieboy wrote: »

cmbhyandco my heart breaks for you as I know what you are going through, I love my son too and to see what he had become was unbearable, he was so thin and gaunt where previously he was a well built lad. He was so bad I really thought he would die. You probably think "what did I do wrong" I did this all the time but don't blame yourself you can tell from your posts that you are a loving caring Mum. My daughter eventually persuaded me to attend a meeting of "parents in pain" I didn't want to go but they have all been through what you are going through now. Without them I don't think I could have been as strong as I was, perhaps there is something similar where you live. Please don't dismiss it as I did for a long time, you need some support now and what better people than someone who knows what you are going through.

Jamieboy, thank you for your reply. I have now been in touch with 'Families Anonymous' today & they have already made me look at things differently. They have local groups to attend for support.

My son went & saw the local drug help centre & he says he is going back on Monday. I do hope it's true but my husband is more sceptical than me.

I want to be positive about this but my husband things I could then be in for a fall but nothing could be as worse as they are now.

I do feel for what you have been through. It is so hard to see someone you love destroying themselves & you do fear the worse. I do hope your son is recovering & you can all see a future.

Bless you..xxx

jamieboy

So glad you are going to get some support, my husband was always sceptical as well but he was concerned about the effect it was having on the rest of the family. He thought our son could give up if he wanted to, I realised it wasn't that easy as he did try many times. I'm pleased your son has gone for help as well, at least he has accepted he has a problem and has taken the first steps towards his recovery. Now he has taken that step you still need to be determined not to help him financially at all, it will only solve the problem for that moment in time.
The horrors of living with a drug addict are horrendous, the fears you have for their safety with the drug, the debt and everything else that goes with it, are unbearable. But if you can all be strong and accept all the help that's offered you will get through this, my son has been clean for five years now and is going from strength to strength and I hope one day you will be posting the same.

cmhbyandco

jamieboy wrote: »

So glad you are going to get some support, my husband was always sceptical as well but he was concerned about the effect it was having on the rest of the family. He thought our son could give up if he wanted to, I realised it wasn't that easy as he did try many times. I'm pleased your son has gone for help as well, at least he has accepted he has a problem and has taken the first steps towards his recovery. Now he has taken that step you still need to be determined not to help him financially at all, it will only solve the problem for that moment in time.
The horrors of living with a drug addict are horrendous, the fears you have for their safety with the drug, the debt and everything else that goes with it, are unbearable. But if you can all be strong and accept all the help that's offered you will get through this, my son has been clean for five years now and is going from strength to strength and I hope one day you will be posting the same.

Thanks Jamieboy. I am so please your son has been clean for 5 years. You must be so proud of him & all of you should be proud of yourselves because you have all survived.
I am not going to give him any money. None of us will, my other 2 sons are going to stick to the rule of no money too.

Thank you for your support

Christine

maggie1960

cmhbyandco, my heart goes out to you and your family. I have been in your shoes, thankfully all is well now for my son. You have some tough times ahead of you, but stay strong and be true to yourself. All the advice you have been given here is what you need to consider, however, not always easy to put into practise. God bless you and give you strength. Hugs to you and your family.

jamieboy

Hi cmhbyandco

How are things going at the moment, I have been thinking about you a lot as I know this must be the absolute worst time of your life. I remember it controlling my every thought and it seemed to be the only topic of conversation within our immediate family. As horrible as everything may seem right now I hope you can take strength from some of the posts on here as most seem to have had a positive outcome. Unfortunately, it usually takes a while to get to that stage and it's not always easy to stay strong.

Take care and I hope things improve quickly.

JB x