'Asking others to give up their bus seat…' blog discussion

This is the discussion to link on the back of Martin's blog. Please read the blog first, as this discussion follows it.
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  • 5hreek
    5hreek Posts: 13 Forumite
    Good for you! I just wish there were more people with the courage to do exactly what you did. In fact, I wish there were more people who would get up by themselves without having to be asked, but that's a different story!

    I got up from my seat on a bus earlier this week and offered it to a woman who'd just got on ... thinking this was common courtesy ... and she turned me down flat saying she'd been sitting all day and would rather stand. Fair enough...
  • Your such a hero
  • gremlin
    gremlin Posts: 1,189 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Well done for asking (I know what you mean about having to feel brave to do it).

    Ive been on the receiving end of this behaviour - Im not elderly but I had two small children and it is not pleasant knowing that you're struggling and nobody wants to know.

    It is endemic the lack of thought people in this country have for anyone else. Especially for the more vulnerable. Too many people just think of themselves or just look away. Again, well done Martin - have a beer :beer:

    Jane x
    "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye" - Miss Piggy
  • Why feel stupid? You did a good thing!

    When I was very heavily pregnant and not wanting to walk the mile to work I was waiting for the bus one morning with three (not elderly) ladies, who were all moaning about the bus being late and then one said "I just hope there's a seat left" and shot me a look that could kill.

    As it turned out a guy from work drove past and offered me a lift, so I didn't have to stand up on the bus!
  • Well done Martin for speaking up. It's a simple courtesy to offer your seat to someone less able to stand, but sady many people seem incapable of it these days.
  • I wish people would just ask. On my train people generally stream passed as they walk from one end to the other. This is often because, as the train divides and goes in different directions, they need to get to the other end. It is also sometimes because they are looking for seats.

    So a few days ago this woman was charging through along with the 100 other people that normally head up (the front half goes to Gatwick so they normally have suitcases!) and then suddenly stopped and in a loud grumpy voice accused us all of being evil and heartless because none of us would give up a seat to her blind disabled friend.

    At which point about half the carriage got up and said of course all you had to do is ask. Id give up my seat to anyone, even if they just "fancied sitting down for a bit".

    Just ask and please do it politely. Most people are actually pretty friendly and happy to jump up - there is no need to make a scene and accuse veryone of being evil when they might not be. Some of us (I hope) are quite non threatening looking:A !!

    Of course if you ask and everyone says no - then you can make a scene :D! But I've commuted for almost 10years and never seen a request for a seat refused.

    All this reminds me of the bus I used to get on every day to school. There was a blind lady who got the same bus too, and us regulars quickly learnt not to offer our seats (despite our school drilling this message in). Any poor soul who dared got a mouthful of abuse and swearing and a lecture on how being blind didn't make her special. Fair enough I suppose. Perhaps that experience is why I let people ask first? Good old fashioned shyness.
  • I can understand why Martin felt nervous: did anyone else see that Anne Widdecombe programme on ITV1 on Thurs night with the segment about the lady who was attacked on the bus by a gang of 6-7 teenage girls?

    I try to stand up and offer my seat to someone if I think they need it on the bus. The only place I don't is when I'm with Mrs MbW in Russia; she immediately grabs my arm and pulls me back into the seat if I try to do that there...
  • Gemmzie
    Gemmzie Posts: 14,876 Forumite
    SunnySusie wrote: »
    I wish people would just ask. On my train people generally stream passed as they walk from one end to the other. This is often because, as the train divides and goes in different directions, they need to get to the other end. It is also sometimes because they are looking for seats.

    So a few days ago this woman was charging through along with the 100 other people that normally head up (the front half goes to Gatwick so they normally have suitcases!) and then suddenly stopped and in a loud grumpy voice accused us all of being evil and heartless because none of us would give up a seat to her blind disabled friend.

    At which point about half the carriage got up and said of course all you had to do is ask. Id give up my seat to anyone, even if they just "fancied sitting down for a bit".

    Just ask and please do it politely. Most people are actually pretty friendly and happy to jump up - there is no need to make a scene and accuse veryone of being evil when they might not be. Some of us (I hope) are quite non threatening looking:A !!

    Of course if you ask and everyone says no - then you can make a scene :D! But I've commuted for almost 10years and never seen a request for a seat refused.

    All this reminds me of the bus I used to get on every day to school. There was a blind lady who got the same bus too, and us regulars quickly learnt not to offer our seats (despite our school drilling this message in). Any poor soul who dared got a mouthful of abuse and swearing and a lecture on how being blind didn't make her special. Fair enough I suppose. Perhaps that experience is why I let people ask first? Good old fashioned shyness.

    I've had a similar situation, although I appear to be a fit young 20-something, I can't stand on buses due to a problem with my wrist.
    I once had a seat and an older man got on the bus, started swearing at all the college students on the bus and hit me with a stick when I didn't get up. (I wasn't sat nearest the front either, a group of lads were.) Luckily someone else got up but the whole bus glared at me :o Now whenever I use the bus, I wear my splint.
    People who can get up should, but not everyone can.
    No longer using this account for new posts from 2013
  • i'm the same, i have problems with my hips and i am a chronic asthmatic. the effort it takes to stand on a moving bus can often cause my hips to hurt and for me to become breathless. i dont stand for other people, i put my own health first, and i used to get sworn at and glared at. thankfully i drive most places now. Plus, it annoys me when i see a busy bus, with young children taking up the seats. When i was younger i was made by my mum to stand up for a pregnant woman. instead of sitting in the seat herself, she sat her child in it instead. my mum told her the seat wasnt for her child and sat me back in it instead lol
    the only debt left now is on credit cards! The evil loan has gone!! :j:j
  • gremlin
    gremlin Posts: 1,189 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    SunnySusie wrote: »
    I wish people would just ask.


    Of course if you ask and everyone says no - then you can make a scene :D! But I've commuted for almost 10years and never seen a request for a seat refused.

    .

    Ah but unfortunately thats not always the case. The incident I had was on a coach and I had two under fours.

    Everyone was on the coach taking up double seats with them and their bags. I wandered up and down the coach with my littlies and every one of them pretended not to see. I eventually stood at the front and asked if someone could please give up a seat so I can sit with both my kids and not one git budged!

    Being a big gob, I told them what I thought of them nd I hoped they were proud of themselves lol, but I sat on an aisle seat with one on my lap and the other accross the aisle TWO ROWS DOWN!. Very dangerous. Eventually an old lady felt guilty and moved and offered her seat.

    Sometimes people are just selfish pigs.
    "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye" - Miss Piggy
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