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PLEASE help!

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  • zcrat41
    zcrat41 Posts: 1,729 Forumite
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    Hiya, this might not be of any help but I earn similar amounts to your bro and was spending silly amounts on silly things. It was only when I was made to imagine what my life would be like in 1 year, 5 years and 10 years if I didn't change that I realised what I was missing out on. It had to come from me though but I'm about to move back in with the parents to try to save for a house - a complete change around to 2 years ago when I was in debt for what was basically a fake social life. Maybe try to get him to imagine what he'll miss out on on the future. (its really uncomfortable though!)

    He's very lucky to have a supportive family and yourself though. Good luck with Sunday
  • lilmissmup
    lilmissmup Posts: 6,884 Forumite
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    Hey hunny,

    He sounds exactly like my OH's brother who is also 27, he lives with his cousin and manages to blow his entire wage on booze and going out each month.

    You have to stop lending him money though otherwise he is never going to learn but obviosuly support him otherwise.

    I don't mean to sound harsh but maybe he needs to get a bailiff round or CCJ to scare him into doing something!

    You have your own debts to worry about so don't lend him anymore LP x
    Now a SAHM trying to earn some spare pennies each month
  • moanymoany
    moanymoany Posts: 2,877 Forumite
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    Steel wrote: »
    This isn't what you want to hear I'm afraid, but the reason why he never learns is because you and your parents keep bailing him out.

    Some people learn fiscal responsibility from watching people around them, but most of us learn by getting in trouble and finding our own way out and learning from the experience.

    Your brother has learnt that the way out of fiscal trouble is to ask you and his parents for a handout. That's how he deals with it.

    Ask yourself what will happen once your parents are gone and he is still doing this? Who will he be coming to all the time? You.

    He's a grown up and he needs to start behaving like one. And he should start by learning to get out of his own messes.

    Tell him on Sunday there will be no more money from you - that you can't afford it anymore. And your parents should do the same.

    I know you love him and he is very sweet, but you and your parents are spending your hard-earned money bailing this guy out time and again. You can't put that money in the bank and earn interest on it or save up for something you really want because he has taken it off you.

    He's spending both his and your hard earned money p****ing it up a wall.

    Absolutely correct Steel, little pickle you and your parents are 'enabling' him to be an idiot - and it is making you and your parents unhappy. No details, but I have been in your position. After saying NO get on with it - the person concerned did, because they had to. It was a very difficult situation and did not end happily, but your brother is taking the p*ss and you cannot give him you or your parents hard earned cash - especially as he is doing okay for income..
  • bargainbetty
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    Firstly, I have to agree with all the posters who say stop giving him money. It looks like he is borrowing twice for the same thing, which means he has more than a little problem.

    Why not meet him at his place, and when you tell him 'no more' and he asks what he is supposed to do, tell him to collect all the letters and bills. Open them with him and list out the creditors. Start walking him through everything we do on here to get your life sorted, and he will finally see what he is doing.

    If he doesn't start taking steps to sort himself out, then at least you know to stop throwing money at him because it is his own fault he is in debt - not yours.

    You have to convince your mum and dad to stop bailing him out too. If they could have him live back with them again, tell them to offer that instead of cash.

    He might not want to lose his flat etc, but until he learns to pay for it, and understand that paying your way makes you more of a man than buying mates with borrowed money, then he can't afford it. If his mates are genuine, they'll invite him over to watch the football with a few tins at home sometime.

    Good luck mate x
    Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps....
    LB moment - March 2006. DFD - 1 June 2012!!! DEBT FREE!



    May grocery challenge £45.61/£120
  • Little_Pickle
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    First of all, thank you all so so much for taking thr time to read this and replying. Once again you have all come to my aid, and that means more to me than there is money in England..

    I spoke to my lovely dad for a long time this evening.

    I am going to meet with my brother on Sunday and take it from there.

    I have all of your advice and I intend to use it 100%

    Dad, Mum and I are no longer in a position financially or mentally to offer money any more.

    Dad has said that he will invite him home one last time to get it straight.

    I wil let you know what happens, probably Monday after I have spoken to him and my folks.

    Thanks again, you are all priceless x
    tons of love.
    LP
    xox
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