I really could cry now!!!

KME91

Maybe.. do you think she's go for 'plan - pay off 18 thousand pounds of remaining debt, then save for deposit' ?

i think it's going to have to be a case of telling the boyfriend in no uncertain terms that he needs to talk to his mother and get her to back off. or i could just refuse to go there anymore and insist he always comes to mine if he doesn't do it.....

trancebabe

Can I ask why it is that they're so desperate for him to move out ?

Does he pay them rent (because that's 'renting' if he does!!)

You don't have many choices but one or both of you needs to be clear with her that you can't afford to buy (and while the housing market is on the slide you're probably better off waiting till it hits rock bottom before even considering it) and your bf doesn't want to rent.

She sounds a bit of a mare and I'm not sure I'd spend any time with her under those circumstances if I'm honest but it's up to your bf to tell her to back off!!

KME91

she is a bit of a mare sometimes.

the other thing i was thinking, i would like to get some financial advice on whether or not i could get a mortgage and what kind of money i'd be looking at, how i could reorganise all my finances to afford it and still pay off my debts etc. but i don't have spare money to pay a financial adviser. where do people go to get this kind of advice?

KME91

trancebabe wrote: »

Can I ask why it is that they're so desperate for him to move out ?

Does he pay them rent (because that's 'renting' if he does!!)

You don't have many choices but one or both of you needs to be clear with her that you can't afford to buy (and while the housing market is on the slide you're probably better off waiting till it hits rock bottom before even considering it) and your bf doesn't want to rent.

She sounds a bit of a mare and I'm not sure I'd spend any time with her under those circumstances if I'm honest but it's up to your bf to tell her to back off!!

he pays her 'housekeeping'. it's not rent. oh no. lol

i think they want him gone because they want all his stuff gone too, he's managed to accumulate quite a lot of car and computer parts over his 27 years and she wants it all cleared out and gone. as if i'm going to let him bring it all with him if we move in together......

trancebabe

Hahahah.... housekeeping.... just and old skool term for 'rent'... lol!

OK - I've PM'd one fo the financial advisors that I've seen on these boards and hopefully he can help you along a bit more

Maybe if he sold all his accumulated stuff (junk) he might have a start on a deposit ??

Neillgb

KME91 wrote: »

This is the third time i've posted this thread now, and if it throws me out again i think the computer's going out of the window.

Right i need some advice. i live with my parents, my boyfriend lives with his, he's under major pressure from them to move out, there's no way he can afford it on his own. I don't think i could get a mortgage in my current situation, my credit history is rubbish and we have no deposit, (no point saving while i'm trying to pay off debts and all his money goes into trying to launch his own business) he's determined he's only going to move out by buying, he won't consider renting and now his mother's making both our lives a misery now. every time she gets me on my own she's hassling me about getting him to move out. if it's not that it's tidying up after himself etc etc as if i'm his keeper.

I'm reluctant to tell her to back off as i need to keep harmony if i want to see him at his place. he won't change his mind over renting/buying. i could rent, my parents would act as a guarantor happily, but it would mean restructuring my debt repayments to take a lot longer to pay off. i don't know what to do, it's stressing me out so much, i feel like i'm a nomad, spending half my life at my place, half at his. and when i'm at his his mother is driving me mad! help!!

Dump him and find a solvent boyfriend preferably with a place of his own!!

You have enough hassle with money as it is and you need to think about YOURSELF.

If he cares enough about you he will sort himself out for your benefit.

Harsh? Maybe but I bet you £1 it is the right advice.

HIS Mum hassles YOU because HE doesn't tidy up.......oh dear.

kimlisa66

Preparing to be shot down in flames but..........

Im with the mum on this one.....he's 27, still living at home, using it as a storage facility for his hobbies/business.....he's not daft is he ?? Wise old mum has seen through this and wants him to stand on his own two feet.....he's on a cheap deal at mums and knows it so uses the 'I don't want to rent, I want to buy but can't' excuse....

Sorry hun but its about time he grew up and moved out.

K

SunderlandBlackCat

My mates & I who wanted to leave home all found some way of doing it in our late teens/early 20's regardless of financial circumstances.

The one's who didn't leave home at that age are still living with their parents well into their 30's. I've heard them use the "rent is money down the drain/I won't leave til I can afford to buy" excuse but what it boils down to is they just don't really want to leave home.

The ones still at home have all admitted one time or another that a bit of nagging from their mother is a small price to pay for getting all their washing, ironing, cooking & cleaning done for them. They seem to have no problem finding girlfriends who'll put up with the situation at least for a while.

I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh but apart from a bit of nagging which will be water off a duck's back by now what incentive does he have to change?

My guess is this situation will just carry on unless someone (it won't be him) decide's they've had enough & issue an ultimatum then have the nerve to follow it up if the ultimatum isn't enough.

CAFCGirl

Hi Hun,
Just wanted to say I really feel for you having to deal with his mum on this one.
I would suggest next time she brings it up with you simply say to her I've tried discussing it with him but he's not listening to me.
Basically if she wants him out, she can tell him, its not up to you. I'd have an absolute fit if my mum had ever discussed anything like that with any of my boyfriends.

Is there a friend or anything he can rent a room off for a short while, so he's out of her way, which essentially is all she seems to care about.

And I dont mean this to sound harsh but why should you have to look at getting a mortgage because HIS mum wants HIM out of HER house?!
Im not saying it would happen but say you did get a mortgage, he moved in, and then you split up, you wouldnt be able to afford it on your own surely?

Neither my husband or I were in a position to buy but we wanted to live together and so I had to get over having my own space and he had to get over his "anti-renting" if we were going to live together and be able to get married. So we're renting and its fine, we're not being hit by hikes from mortgage companies, if anything breaks we dont have to find the money for expensive boiler repairs or such like, ok so its not ours but who cares, we're together, we've got our independence and freedom from living with parents and its a lot cheaper than getting a mortgage in our area!

I echo previous posts that you need to look after your own needs, both financial and emotional, without getting caught up in issues between him and his mum.

bank_of_slate

Lets see if we can help you with your situation in the meantime!
complete an SOA (Statement of accounts) and post it so we can advise and support you better
https://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html
...Linda xx