I really could cry now!!!

KME91

This is the third time i've posted this thread now, and if it throws me out again i think the computer's going out of the window.

Right i need some advice. i live with my parents, my boyfriend lives with his, he's under major pressure from them to move out, there's no way he can afford it on his own. I don't think i could get a mortgage in my current situation, my credit history is rubbish and we have no deposit, (no point saving while i'm trying to pay off debts and all his money goes into trying to launch his own business) he's determined he's only going to move out by buying, he won't consider renting and now his mother's making both our lives a misery now. every time she gets me on my own she's hassling me about getting him to move out. if it's not that it's tidying up after himself etc etc as if i'm his keeper.

I'm reluctant to tell her to back off as i need to keep harmony if i want to see him at his place. he won't change his mind over renting/buying. i could rent, my parents would act as a guarantor happily, but it would mean restructuring my debt repayments to take a lot longer to pay off. i don't know what to do, it's stressing me out so much, i feel like i'm a nomad, spending half my life at my place, half at his. and when i'm at his his mother is driving me mad! help!!

~Beanie~

It is up to your boyfriend to tell his mother to back off really.

As you say, with no deposit you won't be able to buy anywhere and as your bf is refusing to rent, he is stuck at home. It isn't fair of her to put pressure on you.

Ask her how you are expected to move into your own place when her son won't rent and neither of you have any money. Maybe she will offer to pay the deposit if she is that desperate to get rid of him!

Flower08

Is there a particular reason your boyfriend is so reluctant to rent?

I think you need to speak to him about either the fact that renting is your only option, or ask him to speak to his mother about backing off.

As beanie said if she is that desperate to get rid of him maybe she could help financially!

KME91

that would be nice!

i've tried talking to him, his response is 'just ignore her'. she doesn't know my financial situation at all, she just assumes i'm freeloading because it's cheaper. i'm not really inclined to sit down and discuss it with her.

Unfortunately she compares him to her other son who works in construction and was able to buy a flat at a very cheap price through his own employers, otherwise he would never have been able to move out either!

i feel like the whole situation is going to come to ahead and we're all going to have an almighty row about it soon!

exup

He will be very lucky to buy anywhere with the current house / mortgage market the way it is right now when he is starting his own business . in the short term you would be better off renting - if the business takes off or expands then it may mean a move anyway - which would be more awkward if you were home owners.

KME91

Flower08 wrote: »

Is there a particular reason your boyfriend is so reluctant to rent?

I think you need to speak to him about either the fact that renting is your only option, or ask him to speak to his mother about backing off.

As beanie said if she is that desperate to get rid of him maybe she could help financially!

I've tried. his response - it's wasted money, you have nothing to show for it. 'my parents bought their house when they were younger than me, and we've always owned houses' - it's his culture, it's what his whole family is like really. his parents have never even considered him renting, they think it's too unstable.

i think you're right, i'm going to have to try a different language though because clearly what i'm saying at the moment isn't getting through.

Flower08

Although you may feel like you dont want to, maybe it would help if you ever so briefly explained your financial situation so she understood that buying somewhere is not an option for you.

She sounds like shes not really thinking about the pressure and strain that she is putting on you by her constant nagging!

The last thing you want is for it to turn into a big row, however i dont know what else to suggest!

dancingfairy

hmmm. It really is up to your BF to sort things out with his mum. It's not like you can tell him what to do is really? I would make it clear to her that it is not up to you.
Since it is causing such friction perhaps your boyfriend would consider renting?
Perhaps you can go out together somewhere? is it because you are getting under her feet (in her eyes?) maybe some time out of the house? walks/picnics/cheap cinema tickets etc? Are you staying over a lot? as perhaps this is causing some of the strain?
I don't know how old you are and what the situation is.

I think you also need to make it clear to your boyfriend how stressed the whole situation is making you feel. He may not appreciate just how much it is affecting you.

I think you also need to take some time out to think about what you want. Whether you want to move in together or whether it is just for convenience to appease him/his mother.

Best of Luck with it all.

dancingfairy

It sounds like maybe his parents ( and him?) need it painting in black and white - either he lives with you (his parents) or we rent. We simply arn't able to afford a house.
Do they have any idea how much a house would cost and how much a deposit would be? perhaps blame the credit crunch and say - now you need 15% deposit or more?
It also isn't his parents business about your finances- it should be enough to say - we can't afford to buy - that's their problem if they don't accept it, not yours. You shouldn't need to justify yourself to them.
Stay Strong (and calm).

Another thing is if you get on with the husband maybe have a quiet word with him if you think he will help back you up to his wife and say 'I appreciate you are concerned and what the best for him, however we simply can't afford to buy right now' and 'it's all getting a bit tense to be honest.

KME91

it's not that i'm there a lot, we go away to see friends or camping almost every weekend (we've got pretty good at doing cheap stuff now haha) she just wants him out of the way. i don't know if she does realise that she's putting pressure on me, and we're not really close enough for me to tell her about my finances, i haven't even told my own mum.....

i just wish i could wave a magic wand and fix it all. if it wasn't for this stupid debt hanging around my neck it wouldn't be a problem.

SmlSave

Have you seen a financial advisor to see if you could possibly get a mortgage? Maybe its not as bad as you may think?

Unfortunatly a sit down chat with both your BF and Mum sounds like it might be the best way forward. Perhaps a 'plan of action' re saving towards a deposit might put things in perspective for your Mum?