Am I selfish? And thats not the only thing...

chevalier

Sorry but he sounds severely mentally ill, and that he needs intervention from professionals, not your help, however well meaning. What will happen if you do get pregnant? You are breast feeding at night and all hours of the day, you have extra washing etc. What would happen if your baby needed breastfeeding, and he needed something doing too? Would he expect you to do what ever he needs doing first, and leave the baby crying with hunger.

For me from what you have said the answer is YES he would expect you to LOOK AFTER HIM BEFORE A NEWBORN BABY THAT YOU DESPARATELY WANT. How can this possibly work.

If you are under massive amounts of stress then this will affect you ability to conceive.

This 'man' is USING YOU and treating you like a DOORMAT. Sorry but he sounds absolutely AWFUL. I wouldn't even want to be in the same street as him let alone live with him.

LEAVE. Go to a womens refuge, you are being MENTALLY ABUSED, and it is NOT OK.

really angry on your behalf
chev

FairyElephant_2

Hiya Mrs-Ryan,

OMG - When I read your post I was a bit shocked - that could have been me writing ten years ago when I was 28! In fact the thought of it just made me cry. Apart from the fact that I have PCOS too....

My husband at the time had mental illness, and I too had to manage everything, whilst working full time, and dealing with his 'moods' and outbursts. He even held back my career as I couldn't take a promotion which menat I had to work away sometimes, as he would not cope while I was away, and have a jealous rage when I got back, that I was seeing someone else, not working at all! Different from you was the money situation - my Ex-H had the debts, and ran up worse ones in both our names. I really wanted children but couldn't see the possiblity with this man I had married, as looking after him was like looking after a child in itself.

One reason I am really worried for you, is that my Ex-H eventually turned violent, which spurred me to finally break up with him (we had been in counselling for a while before this). It was hard - really the hardest thing I have ever done, as I felt I still loved him, and he needed me, and I was a failure for not making the relationship work - but it was the right decision - I know that now.

The person who said you are suffering mental cruelty is right - that was the terms on which I divorced him. Honestly, probably the best thing I have ever done in my life.

I now have a wonderful DH who is kind, caring and supportive. If only we could have a baby our lives would be complete, but that bit of happiness still eludes me, and I am having IVF treatment again right now to try to get there.

Please do take a real serious look at your relationship - maybe you could go to counselling? Ideally both of you to Relate or somewhere similar, but if he won't go with you then they will see you on your own. I was really sceptical beforehand, but found they were a wonderful help. They don't just try to 'get people back together' they will help you through whatever happens, and I found them a great support even after my breakup.

Sorry I have written such a long post, but my heart really goes out to you Hun, and I really really hope you will get some help. Please PM me if it will help (but I'm off tomorrow for a week, so I am not ignoring you if I don't reply immeditaely).

Big (((HUGS))),

FE

bestpud

Sorry you are having such a hard time.

I can't really comment on the pcos except to say my sil's sister has them and eventually had three children, but I don't know what she had in the way of treatment.

As for being selfish - no you are not at all! Gosh, I'd defy anyone in your position to say they didn't feel that way, to some degree at least!

I think though (taking the opposite viewpoint for a minute) they possibly don't know how to act around you.

When I was pregnant with dd2, there was a lady we knew (she looked after my nan) and she had been trying for years to get pregnant with no success. Unfortunately, she happened to be there when I broke the news of my pregnancy to my nan and, immediately, I could have kicked myself for being so insensitive - I really didn't think and felt so bad about it.

She went off and had a cry but I didn't feel in the least that she should have been jumping for joy and desperate to see the baby when she was born.

The thing was though, I kind of tried to spare her feelings as much as I could (by not rambling on about baby things and making a big deal if handing dd around etc), and I've always wondered since if that made her feel worse.

When I look back now, I think I should just have asked have asked her if she preferred me to stay away when she may be there but instead, I kind of avoided it, but with her feelings in mind.

I don't know - I'm waffling! I guess I'm trying to say people do understand how hard it must be, even if they haven't been there themselves, and so very few people would feel you are selfish or anything else like that.

Sorry if that doesn't help.

I hope you manage to see a specialist and get something sorted soon. Jeez, how is 28 too young?

Have you thought about counselling at all? You have a lot on your plate tbh (not sure I'd be coping half as well) and it may help you with all the things you have mentioned.

madmalteaser

Another PCOS sufferer here. I know what you're going through, except in my case I don't want children which basically means the dr's have washed their hands of me, they only seem to want to do anything if you want kids/fertility treatment!

I would recommend you get yourself onto the Verity website (if you haven't already) - join the forum there, you will get lots of support and advice regarding your situation and even more localised info regarding which dr's to see etc because it's a very diverse network.

Good luck and I look forward to seeing you on Verity!