Am I selfish? And thats not the only thing...

Mrs_Ryan

Wow - thank you so much everyone - thank you for sharing with me.
clueless - I am so so sorry. I sincerely hope that everything comes right for you and please pm me if you want to talk.
thanks very much mcp84.... I may do that. x
mc - my doctor is absolutely fantastic, but she has said that referrals in our area (I live in rural Leicestershire) are very difficult - and where I lived previously my doctor told me that they wouldnt refer under the age of 30! I may go back and have another chat to my lovely GP and ask her if there is any chance, however remote, of a referral. She knows the hell I've gone through and always tries to help me.
I feel so frustrated because even after 5 miscarriages all they tell me is that its the PCOS. I know that! But they dont seem interested in trying to help me. I just absolutely fell to pieces when I had my last miscarriage as I had no inkling that I was pregnant, and what made it worse is that it would have been a Christmas baby.... so that will make Christmas impossible this year.
I love my partner but it really hurts the fact that he just seems to think that like his ex I am only interested in trying to fleece him. He worked very hard to buy his house and furnish it, and get the mortgage down to virtually nothing as it is now, so I can understand him being protective of it, but he disapproves of debt and thinks because I have some debt (ok, quite a lot) I want to get the house off him to pay the debt!!! (we live in quite a select area where the house prices are quite high - he bought the house in 1997 for 90k and a similar house over the road has just gone for 250k) so there is a fair bit of equity in the house - no matter how many times I have told him he doesnt appear to want to listen - in fact when he heard that the government were thinking about giving rights to unmarried couples he started talking about me moving out again!
Although now I simply dont think he could cope without me - I get him up in the mornings (due to his condition he finds it really difficult) I choose his clothes, I sort all his official stuff (his benefits etc) I do the vast majority of the housework, I make his phone calls for him, order stuff online for him.... I even had to write a dam cheque for him the other day cos he couldnt do it himself! And this is in addition to working 37.5 hours a week - mornings, lates and night shifts. I have spoken to him about it and we have had the commitment conversation several times and he just keeps saying he doesnt want to get married. My parents are trying to stick their noses in because my dad's Irish Catholic and doesnt approve of us living together, but the only other place I could go would be back to them and that really isnt an option.

We have had another major row this evening - I saw some cheap flights in the paper and suggested maybe we could go away for my birthday, but he just kept bleating that he couldnt afford it - despite the fact I had offered to pay for the hotel and the flights would have been 37 quid, money which I know he has got - he's just forked out 20 quid for an ancient PSX! I got really upset by this, after all it is my birthday, and said sarcastically if he couldnt afford it then maybe he shouldnt bother giving me the money he had promised me for my birthday, at which point he said, sounding quite pleased 'oh, thank god for that.!' So I said dont bother taking me out either if youre going to be like that, and he said in a moany way 'oh no I will, that's what comes with having a girlfriend!' So I got really mad and yelled that I had spent 500 quid on him for Xmas and wish I hadnt bothered... and I wish I hadnt!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry... rant over!! xxx

Paparika

I've not got PCOS, but a m8 of mine has and her sister

My m8 didn't know she had it, although she suffored they smptoms for years, even had 2 children.

But the weight issue really really got her down,
her gp told her to diet and exercise, so helpful when if you have PCOS weight is a nightmare to shift.

But eventually they got her on drugs (her bad temper and screaming at them probably did it) (she has a foul temper again PCOS)

2 years later and a good 18months on the Cambridge diet, she turned into a skinny rake, but a happy one, her illness was being controlled, so she was able to deal with her weight issue.

It's getting the consultants to understand how this is ruining your life, as all you can think of is babies which is something you can't have. time for therapy hun, you need to accept that whilst the PCOS is haunting you, your not going to get your heart's desire.

One step at a time, make some goals and take one on at a time.
best of luck to you

pickle

"but my GP keeps saying she can request a referral but because of my age I wouldnt be priority (Im nearly 28)"

I would challenge your GPon that. The cut off for IVF I believe is 38 so how can 28 be out of the age range? I'd write to the local health trust and ask the official policy on this.

sukysue

I felt I had to reply to your post having suffered with pcos and having infertility for 12 yrs and having 2 miscarriages, also my beloved sister became pregnant (and every1 at work and all my friends).It seemed like there was no end to it .I hated my sis absolutely hated her. The anger I felt towards her and other pregnant ppl was overwhelming . I turned into a horrible person , I was so jealous and nasty and could not bear facing ppl it was such an ordeal.Anyway that is by the by this is you we are talking about. I just wanted to clarify I have experienced what you have.Firstly let me say how I do feel for you ,it feels like time is running out and you are on a hamster wheel trying to get off. Very frustrating . Also I have to say that your partner does not sound like the ideal dad to be, (are any of us i know) but I do wonder, if he treats you like this ,how will he be to a child ,one thing being so dismissive of you ,yet another if he is like this to your baby. That would be cruel. Anyway I went to weight watchers it was as simple as that ,I lost 6 stone my periods became regular and miracle of miracles I became pregnant and kept it! I have 2 most wonderful girls now and I thank my lucky stars for them . The other thing is if you could get taken on by the consultant at your hospital then I do think you would get better care.Perhaps your gp is loath to refer you because She is worried about your partner's behaviour, I do not know ,and really is it hER decision? I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE TO ULTIMATELY DECIDE IF YOUR PARTNER IS FIT TO BE THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN.I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear but I write this in the best possible spirit to you from one woman to another. I happen to think you sound lovely,very caring and any child would be lucky for a mum like you imho.I wish you all the very best that life can bring you and hope your wishes come true .GOOD LUCK M'DEAR!

mrcow

clueless1 wrote: »

btw I've never heard about bursting cyst with pcos. Is it something that I should be looking into for myself?

All cysts will burst if they keep growing eventually. It's part of the natural cycle. The problem with PCOS is that some of the cysts can get much bigger than normal and so when they burst, it's very painful. I wouldn't worry about looking into it - you'll know if it's happening. I was getting ready for work when one of my bigger ones went once and it literally floored me.

Most of the time with smaller ones, I just get pains in my right or left lower abdomen which last about 1/2 hour or so (depending on what I'm doing) and I usually only realise what is causing it after it's nearly finished.

fsdss

MRS - Ryan

i am going to pm you in a while - like me you too live in rural leicestershire - and if you have the same gp surgery as me......then they are notorious for non referring- and i learnt that through working for them (covering Sickness) a few months ago!
i will give you a name of a consultant who is a pussicat, and only charged me a one off fee for private treatment (which about 10 yrs ago was £60) then fast tracked me to the LRI where he saw me.

KentishLady

Mrs Ryan

I too have PCOS, have a husband who has mental health problems (and physical disabilities).

My sister had her first baby in March and I am still no nearer to having a family of my own. At work it seems like people are falling pregnant left right and centre, by accident as well as planned.

Life is !!!!!! sometimes isn't it?

Anyway hon, I know how you feel with the other half. I love DH to bits, but sometimes he drives me mad. It sounds as though from what you say, your partner exhibits some similar behaviours to my DH. When he says the "horrible/unreasonable" things to me I can never work out if he really means them or if he is saying them because he is ill. I have come to the conclusion that all I can do is take each day as it comes, make decisions based on what I think is in both of our best interests and try to ignore any paranoid/unreasonable/angry outbursts if/when they happen.

I have had a bad year so far but, counselling has helped, as has being honest with DH (not that he always understands what I am saying!).

Go back to your GP. Insist on being referred to a consultant for the PCOS. Join verity - they have some really useful information. Maybe ask for referral for counselling to help you with your feelings about your sister in laws baby. Counselling really helped me with my feelings about my sister and her baby (have a read of some of my other posts if you want some more background).

You are NOT being selfish. It is natural to be upset/angry when something you want so much is proving so difficult for you, and yet others seem to fall pregnant without even trying. The thing is to recognise what you are feeling and somehow find a way of dealing with it. I have no illusions that whilst I am currently coping with the children/baby issue that it will inevitably rear its head again and floor me (probably when I least expect it).

Oh, and if you are your other half's carer you are legally entitled to a carer's assessment (even if your other half doesn't want to have his needs assessed). Even if this doesnt result in you getting any extra help it can a useful process in terms of your creating a framework for your life which is going to work for you.

Please PM if you would like to chat more about any of this if you think it would help.

KL.

PS - I am quietly amazed how many others have already replied to say they also have PCOS! Really pleased that some of you managed to conceive naturally (there is hope for me yet!) Maybe we should start a PCOS thread.

Lizard_Lady

hi! thought id give you my two cents, im 19 now and i was 17 when i had my baby, and got diagnosed in June with PCOS after spots appeared on my face and embarressingly on my chest, and about 6 hairs started to sprout on my chin. sssoo not a good look for a 19 year old!! lol. anyway i said to my gp about it and went for a blood test and a very painfull internal scan. and am now taking meds for it.
I really dont think you should be planning a baby just yet with your partner, can i ask whats wrong with him that you need to do everything for him? you sound very worn out and tired to me after working them long hours then looking after him, how would you cope working, and looking after him and a baby? if he really loved you that much then i doubt if he would have a problem in marrying you, because surely if he loved you he wouldnt mind you having then house when he passes on? he surely wouldnt want it to go to his ex or to anyone else!! im really not trying to upset you, but maybe he is only with you because your wiping his backside for him constantly. i know it sounds harsh but alot of people are like that. you sound like a lovely wonderful person, and you deserve to be with someone who loves you too and wants to make you happy, and someone who wants the same things as you want like buying a house together, and getting married and having a baby!

i wish you all the luck in the world sweetheart xxxx

Primrose

Sounds to me like your partner just wants a free carer, without any moral or emotional commitment on his part. Sorry to sound so harsh, but why don't you move out (at least for a few months) and let him see how he manages without you. It might also convince him that you're not just staying with him for financial reasons. He's obviously making you unhappy, as is the whole situation. You don't say whether you're working or not, but if you don't have a job, get one. Start paying off your debt and putting your own life back in order and let his needs take a back seat until he decides what his own priorities are. Don't waste your best years hankering after something this chap may probably never give you.

mrcow

Primrose wrote: »

Don't waste your best years hankering after something this chap may probably never give you.

I think there are a lot of people out there who would do well to take this advice.

It is often hard when you are in a relationship to see things in such black and white terms. Sometimes though, you really do need to take a step back and see things for what they are.

Make sure that you are happy. If you're with someone who is not keeping you happy and is holding back on you, please remember that you deserve better.

I feel like an unpaid skivvy! he is totally unreasonable and I have had enough... what can I do???

Have you not answered your own question?