Simplifying Life - Mark II

mardatha

Well done Lily :T:T:T - it will get hard, because these "friends" won't like what you're doing, but let them be sheep pet and you keep on climbing the ladder

JulieGeorgiana

I take heart from the quote in my signature... trying to keep up with the 'jones' just made me unhappy... I live in a rented house, with hodgepodge funature and wear second hand clothes... and I am the happiest person I know... the most content... and just confortable x

It will be hard... but it will be worth the journey xxx

skyvicky123

Lilykins - I'm with you on this. The OS way of life so appeals to me that i would love to jump into it with both feet first...however I am restricted by the knowledge that this will almost certainly backfire with "os fatigue" So my mantra is "little steps"

I don't think I could go as far as to change my friends. I would hope that if they were really my friends they will still be with me no matter how little I am willing to spend on things. Although I can already see signs of snobbyness from a couple of them I am thinking that perhaps me being good is making them feel guilty about their own spending habits possibly.

sparrer

I'm another who was horribly in debt 5/6 years ago, this site has been a godsend and today I'm debt free. I don't have the trappings any more and have been asked more than once what I'm 'on', as like JulieGeorgiana I'm just so happy with my life .

The advice I was given was start with baby steps, don't rush into doing too much all at once or it just gets confusing. Make a plan on paper adding to it every time you see a useful tip. Just an example, to start with I changed all my light bulbs to low wattage ones, switched to cheap washing powder with soda crystals for laundry, only ran the wm etc on econ7 and downgraded my food to shops own label.

The first thing I did though was to cut up my credit cards, only have a debit card and refused an overdraft. That was so scary! But the second the cc's were destroyed I strangely felt a huge sense of freedom.

You might find, as I did, that if you let you friends know what you're doing the ones who matter may just jump in with you. I've no doubt whatsoever that one or two of them have sleepless nights about their debts.

Good luck Lily, you've taken the biggest step by posting, stick with it and it'll get a litle easier each day

apple_mint

You're in the right place lilykins Little steps lead to big achievements. As marthada says, it will be hard and you will feel pressure to conform from your friends. I haven't bought a new handbag in over 6 years and I've lived to tell the tale (I actually wear things out now).

We live the simpler life. We don't have any debt. We don't care what other people think because we are very, very happy with the way we live

Butterfly_Brain

Lilykins you have already taken the first step to a better lifestyle.
Well done on pulling your head out of the sand I can't tell you how liberating getting rid of debt is.
You do not say if you have children or if it is just you and DH

I agree that baby steps is the way to go. First thing I would do is concentrate on getting rid of the credit card because that has the biggest interest - move to an interest free one if you can and pay it off as quickly as you can
My DH doesn't earn a lot and I am disabled but we manage to pay a mortgage and keep up with our bills on £14,500 pa (Not so much lately because utility bills are getting beyond a joke) But I cook from scratch. have a good basic stock cupboard for just in case there is an unexpected bill so we can get through a month without spending a lot of money.

I make my own bread, yoghurt and grow a lot of fruit and veg - in fact most of the garden is used for growing our own.

I shop in Aldi, lidl, poundland and Wilkinsons before I even consider using the big supermarkups.

Use basic ranges when you can

A couple of times a week we have hm soup and hm bread followed by a dessert of some kind such as rice pudding, a self saucing pudding or crumble, all very cheap and filling.

Check out these threads for inspiration on cheap, filling meals

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=364086#post364086

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=26151

Hope this helps in some small way and welcome to the OS family which is the friendliest on the site x

charlies-aunt

Don't beat yourself up - its normal and natural to strive to give your loved ones the best that you can.

Speaking as someone who, twenty years ago, had the "perfect life" - both high earners, two BMWs in the drive, Rolex watches, designer clothes, stocks and shares, three holidays abroad a year . . . due to redundancy, bad investments and illness . . . we are both on minimum wage, two old bangers, no money, struggling to keep ourselves in the black, no holidays etc BUT we have two wonderful daughters and our family pets . . . and goddamn it - we're happier now that we ever have been :T

Friends that have stuck with us are true friends - the others melted away when the expense account meals and freebies disappeared.

Down-size & simplify = you won't regret it

CommitedToChange

I feel exactly the same way - far too many wasted years spent buying what I though I needed. Now I'm on a strict budget - but feel happier about it. I've got a huge way to go (see sig) but I am slowing getting use to distinguishing between needs and wants.

I'm getting huge satisfaction from cooking home takeaways as it were (I've always cooked from scratch) and will shortly be eating my own veg. Its small steps but I already feel happier.

ceridwen

lilykins wrote: »

Please help everyone!

Am fairly new to the forums, and as you will see from my signature have big debt problems.

Initally I used the forums to get debt advice from the many experienced posters and have been getting wonderful advice and fab support. Whilst I am keen to continue this, I have also been interested in the old-style boards, initally to save money but further reading has revealed a life style I soooo want.

Basically my debt problems have arised from the pressure I have put on myself and my poor family to have 'the perfect lifestyle'. Have spent thousands on home interior magazines that portray wonderful looking homes with a perfect looking family, then tried to replicate this - surprise, surprise I havent managed it- all its brought me is debt, depression and low self-esteem.

I have spent hours reading the tough times, simplifying life and the simple pleasures threads - I want in- these threads are so inspirational.

I wondered if anyone else felt like this at the moment and like me are at the begining of their 'simpler life' journey- perhaps we could make suggestions and support one another, hopefully with guidance from more experienced folks (pleaseeeee).

At present I am trying to distance myself from the people I have tried to 'keep up with'- hasnt been easy- had been meeting for coffee in lunchhours (spending a fortune), been buying the latest replica designer handbags, my friend have the real ones and had tried to always have a 'stylish' home, again mine was the smallest and this put huge pressure on.

Feel ashamed to admit all this, makes me sound so spoiled and selfish, havent always been so materialistic, started when I began working with this group of people and tried to fit in. I now realise my depression and weight-gain began at this time, and of course my debt.

So, over recent weeks, since discovering this wonderful forum I have felt a huge weight lifted, although I feel bit isolated at present watching my colleagues going shopping or for lunch, I also feel liberated and keen to progress to a much simpler life.

So, if anyone fancies the journey or an advisory role I would be so very grateful.

Simpler life here I come!!!!! :rotfl:

Whew! That IS a lot of debt - but let me congratulate you on no longer "buying into" the mantra "I consume, therefore I am". :T With (a lot of) determination and "a fair wind" then it is possible to get things back onto an "even keel" and congratulations on having taken the first step.

There is always, IMHO, a "halfway house/limbo" sort of time when one first realises that "their ways are not MY ways" (as in your high-spending, high-consuming friends) - but the end goal is control over your own life/making up your own mind about things (rather than going along with the mainstream prevailing ethos of the day) and you've come a large part of the way already.

So - good for you - and good luck with the journey and you will find a lot of support and helpful tips here on Old Style - so welcome:D

EDIT: ...and no it DOESNT make you sound "spoiled and selfish" at all...it makes you sound "human". Many of us have been where you are...and many of us still have "our moments otherwise".....The longest journey starts with the shortest step remember..

ceridwen

You've got me thinking further on this theme - and one thing that I tend to feel (and this IS very personal I really have to stress here) is that I think it is a good idea to sit down at some point and work out in your own mind what you regard as "reasonable expectations" from life.

It took me a while to not go straight from one set of ideas to another and work out what my own "pre-programming" was for instance as to what I believe to be "reasonable".

I think it really is a useful exercise to work out in your own mind just what your own "pre-programming" IS as to what you deem reasonable/expect etc from life and THEN go on from there to work out what YOUR own personal take is on that one way or the other.

My own analysis boiled down - to a surprisingly large extent - and it shocked and astonished me to "I expect very much what my parents expected from life". They are very very different from me in many ways - but the expectations are very very similar.

As I said, this was one heck of a shock to me to realise that, but I guess it should not have come as a surprise.

So....as part of your journey.....it does come in useful IMHO at some point to work out what "messages" you received as you grew up from your parents and which of those messages you "took on board"/which you rejected and which actually your parents themselves rejected as they grew older.

It will likely explain a lot to you - it certainly did to me......

So - work out for yourself what you believe to be "reasonable values" - not what your friends have, maybe not some of what you see here, maybe not what those huge "formative influences" (ie your parents) have - but YOUR OWN. Take a look round at this society as a whole and decide what you believe personally is a fair level of personal "expectations"/etc and somewhere you will find that "Happy Point" that feels fair to both you and society as a whole.

... but hey...I'm rambling a bit and in philosophical mode...so for right now....you've taken that first step on the path...:D