Shared house problems ...

Scoobydobdo

hello,

I'm a regular on here but was worried as I may have been rumbled so am posting under an alternative id...

I've just moved into (another) shared house and I feel like im always the new person and Im so tired of it ...

I feel like ive not come over in the best of ways with the housemates. I have had a whole load of hassles recently and as ive had days off ive been sorting my stuff etc but somehow I cant seem to get on top of everything and I just get the impression theyre not impressed generally.

Anyway, I came home from work today and there was a note pushed under the door listing all these things theyre not happy about (it was signed anon) but imo none of them warrent any complaining at such an earlier stage ...

Theyre not happy about me leaving my maiden in the lounge, they claim it looks messy for visitors and it smells of damp. However, they have all they're washing, including thongs etc (not ok to look messy but not bothered about everyone seeing theyre smalls!!) laid out on the radiators so I just cant see theyre point at all on that one and I cant smell any damp ...

The other thing was that as my room is quite a bit smaller than my last one (and I have had to move a lot from my parents home - another one of the problems ive had) I have laods of books and a book shelf which for the moment I have left out in the hallway (set up etc) but I hope in the future to have a wardrobe moved out of my room as I dont have a use for it (LL is abroad atm so cant speak to him about it) and then have it there ... but it could be awhile as he's not back for a month or so yet. They say in the note they want it moved as its a "fire hazard" and its "in the way." In fact its easily wide enough to accomodate people passing through and ... so again seems really petty and one of those things "theyve never done so it shouldnt be ..."iyswim.

The other thing was that I left a box of some stuff I have been meaning to take down to the cellar (out of the way, no-one could fall over it) so they pretty much demanded I moved it ... more the attitude I have a prob with there ... like er yes I live here too and pay rent now so I am entitled to have my stuff lying around too in the same way they have ...

I hate all this new house/new flatmates ... everyone else knows each other well and theyve learnt to live with things that annoy them about each other and they have no tolerance for anything I do and gang up together, it always feels like they want to "bully" me to do what they want justifying it with saying its a "fire hazard and "the LL wouldnt approve"

Whats more, signing it anomously!! One of the other tenants who is only here temp has let slip it was a few of them discussing it this afternoon so I can only imagine what theyve been saying (!!). On one hand I want to get on with them but at the same time Ive been the walkover flatmate who moves and shakes to suit everyone else and that wasnt any better a position to be in either ...

The other thing is I forgot it was one of them's b.day as I left in a hurry this morning. I got the card out last night meaning to write it and leave it in the lounge before I went to work but left it by my tv.... I normally remember these sort of things and it makes a much better impression on people ... I even saw her in the kitchen earlier and it didnt click!! I just seem intent on making the worst impression on them..........

Anyway thanks for listening,

Jen

poppysarah

You knew the room size so pull the bookcase back in. Put the books in the wardrobe until it's sorted.
Move the maiden to your room.
But point out if they're using communal radiators for drying stuff. buy a washing line for a quid and put it up outside and use it.

Apologise for missing the birthday - buy a bottle of wine and invite them to have a drink with you to clear the air.

Or move.

Scoobydobdo

Its peeing down here and has done for a few days now ... so no a washing line isnt going to do ...

I also dont have space for the maiden ... nor for the books, I will have to move the boxes out to stack them at the side of the the book shelf/under the new desk I have planned.....

Jen

chewmylegoff

Scoobydobdo wrote: »

Its peeing down here and has done for a few days now ... so no a washing line isnt going to do ...

I also dont have space for the maiden ... nor for the books, I will have to move the boxes out to stack them at the side of the the book shelf/under the new desk I have planned.....

Jen

sounds like you have rented a room which is too small for your needs, and you don't get on with your housemates. move.

poppysarah

Scoobydobdo wrote: »

Its peeing down here and has done for a few days now ... so no a washing line isnt going to do ...

I also dont have space for the maiden ... nor for the books, I will have to move the boxes out to stack them at the side of the the book shelf/under the new desk I have planned.....

Jen

It's peeing down everywhere. Tough. Use the rads or go the laundrette.

If your room is so small (you've got a wardrobe empty so put the boxes in that!!!!!

tbs624

Scoobydobdo wrote: »

I've just moved into (another) shared house and I feel like im always the new person and Im so tired of it ...

It's not forever. Widen your social circle and look for people that you hit it off with for future houseshares: if you have plenty going on elsewhere in your life these petty squabbles will probably stop affecting you to this degree.

Scoobydobdo wrote: »

Anyway, I came home from work today and there was a note pushed under the door listing all these things theyre not happy about .........I have laods of books and a book shelf which for the moment I have left out in the hallway (set up etc) but I hope in the future to have a wardrobe moved out of my room as I dont have a use for it (LL is abroad atm so cant speak to him about it

Smile - say "I've bought a cake girls, let's sit and go through the list and see if we can come up with some compromises" As Poppysarah says, if the shelf is a big deal then just box the books up until you get the LL to sort the w/robe out ( be aware that he may not agree to moving it. It will have been there when you looked around & it will probably be needed for the next tenant) Maybe the LL would agree to some wall shelves being put up in your room.

Scoobydobdo wrote: »

The other thing was that I left a box of some stuff I have been meaning to take down to the cellar (out of the way, no-one could fall over it) so they pretty much demanded I moved it ...

..and in the time you sat here posting you could just have moved the box for the sake of harmony.

Scoobydobdo wrote: »

I hate all this new house/new flatmates ... everyone else knows each other well and theyve learnt to live with things that annoy them about each other and they have no tolerance for anything I do and gang up together...On one hand I want to get on with them but at the same time Ive been the walkover flatmate who moves and shakes to suit everyone else and that wasnt any better a position to be in either ...

a "mover and a shaker" is someone who makes things happen, not someone who gets pushed around. It takes time to assimilate into any established group, and it requires effort & adjustment on "both" sides.

Everyone who has ever lived in a houseshare can offer tales of petty arguments over chores rotas, housemates' boy/girlfriend visits, bills, bathroom time, windows open/windows shut, I need the CH on/I hate it hot and stuffy....., you ate my bacon/soup/ used all my soap powder/the last of the lavvy rolls/ you slammed the front door/stamped up the stairs at 2.45am & woke me up,and, yes, wet washing. The group dynamics alter over time and everyone has to work at it, if there is to be a reasonable level of harmony. If you find larger groups hard to cope with , consider making your next share a two-occupant one as a maximum.

sooz

Scoobydobdo wrote: »

I'm a regular on here but was worried as I may have been rumbled so am posting under an alternative id...

you might want to edit your last post then.

Sammy_Girl

Jen, your last 2 posts are under your original ID. You may want to delete them if you want to maintain your anonyminity as advised in your first post.

pinkshoes

1) The room you have rented is obviously too small for your needs.

2) Leaving a note is SO petty. If they haven't got the balls to discuss this to your face, then they sound like pathetic individuals and rubbish housemates.

I'd start looking for somewhere else immediately. What does your contract say about moving out? Perhaps speak to landlady and tell her your reasons why you want to move out, and then hopefully she'll let you leave asap, or perhaps if you find someone to replace you?

Scoobydobdo

hi,

I hope to sort the room out shortly, he away abroad so it may be awhile yet ...

I agree regarding the note ... in fact I have to put up with it at work too ... in fact there was a particualarly nasty one left a couple of days ago regarding a few of us ... we suspect its one of 2/3 people but cant be sure... I am going to leave it a month or so as this is part of the process of moving into a new place ... if things dont improve I will be moving on as much as it p!sses me off as I had to wait 3 weeks in temp accomodation ...

Jen

sandra_nz

Obviously we're only hearing your side of the story, but based on what you've said, it does sound like you haven't made a good first impression in this house, and unfortunately first impressions tend to stick around for quite a long time!

I think the anonymous note was very cowardly from them, but it tells me that they aren't really interested in engaging with you and sorting these issues out in a positive way.

I suspect it will be best for all if you look for new accommodation. Don't get too upset about it, these things happen and not everyone clicks!