Any foster carers on here?

lostinrates

Thank you Leanrtmylesson, that's all very informative and some things to chew over.

The pay difference between agency and LA is, honestly, neither here nor there. It is not a motivating factor in any way, shape or form. If it were felt we as a family have something to offer someone else, we are in a position to do so, that's rally what matters. Personal fulfillment, engagement with society in a proactive, hands on way....doing something rewarding. It is more a question of support and suitability that seems to be mentioned on this and other threads.

libbyc3

with regard to feeling that the social worker thought you were too 'middle class', I think what they actually look for is people who don't claim to have had 'perfect lives' and 'perfect families' (who has!) but what problems you have had and how you have dealt with them - as your problems are unlikely to be anywhere near as bad as your foster child's.
I'm with a LA and whle the support is not fantastic, I have spoken to carers who have transferred from private agencies and it seems they might be a bit better but not a huge difference.
tolerance, patience, resiliance and a well developed SoH are what you need to foster - I would recommended doing some reading - Kate Cairns has written some good books - on attachment and fostering.
why dont you start the assessment process - you can always change your mind, you sound ideal.
pm me if you want further info - if you catch me on a bad day with the cherub we currently have you might get too much info!!!

lostinrates

No, not perfect lives and far from perfect families. But we've got by. We have also, despite lack of perfection...had good, lucky lives. The ''too middle class'' was when I answered the question, over the phone, about DH's profession and then they commented what wih a typical middle class lifestyle (I'm a weekday-widow in the country, he works in the City) and our ''posh'' accents we would be likely to make someone from a different background feel ''inferior'' or give them unrealistic hopes/expectations for their own futures. I found this less damning to us than I did for the children/families concerned.

Thanks for the book ideas. I'll check them out and hopefully come back and ask you more!

libbyc3

sorry I'll probbly get shot down and offend someone but I have to comment on the attiude you recieved over the phone -I can't hold it in anymore!!!
as a current foster carer and also a student social worker I have found on several occasions this type of inverted snobbery from social workers and it drives me nuts. I don't 'talk posh' only because I moved round the country as a child and have a ridiculous mixture of accents and when we went through my background during assessment for fostering and I said I had been privately educated the social worker did a double take and made similar assumptions. only the fact that I completely wasted my education was a redeeming feature!
don't let it put you off - it is a stupid situation where you have to apologise for your 'middle classness' in order to offer help to possibly the worst of children in our country.
rant over

honeyD

Have been a kinship foster carer before and found the Family Rights Group website helpful.
http://www.frg.org.uk/gpforum/forum.asp?FORUM_ID=3
They also have a helpline you can call for advice. They are very good and I found them to be a lifesaver when I used it.

lostinrates

libbyc3 wrote: »

sorry I'll probbly get shot down and offend someone but I have to comment on the attiude you recieved over the phone -I can't hold it in anymore!!!
as a current foster carer and also a student social worker I have found on several occasions this type of inverted snobbery from social workers and it drives me nuts. I don't 'talk posh' only because I moved round the country as a child and have a ridiculous mixture of accents and when we went through my background during assessment for fostering and I said I had been privately educated the social worker did a double take and made similar assumptions. only the fact that I completely wasted my education was a redeeming feature!
don't let it put you off - it is a stupid situation where you have to apologise for your 'middle classness' in order to offer help to possibly the worst of children in our country.
rant over

Thank you, unsurprisingly I agree. However, while my initial instinct was frustration I accept I do not have experience and it might genuinely be that it could cause problems for children, I only ''feel'' its the wrong attitude and have to accept that the SW are the ones with experience and to whom I would be going to for guidance.

On the thread in DT it was raised I could complain, but I feel very strongly that it would not be in the interest of anyone for there not to exist an non contentious relationship between the authorities and us!

ElTenEleven

Hello Lostinrates,

My first post!

Anyway, my wife and I are in similar circumstances that we have no children of our own and have never thought of any assistance.

We have fostered for the last 16 years for Swindon Borough Council and from my experience in the south west, one of the better LA's for the fostering service.

As to your husband being away from Monday to Friday, I am in the RAF and only recently had my wings clipped and this has never raised a question from the children's or our social workers.

If you wish to know more, I have no problem with you PMing me.

Regards

ETE :-)

Jillinoz

Hi Lostinrates

Just to throw a spanner in the works, but have you actually considered adoption?

Just to reassure you, being 'posh' should not preclude you from being a full-time parent!

I am a single adopter to a now very lively, and incredibly bright, toddler who was 14 months when she was placed with me.

From experience, the majority of social workers are not looking for the 1950s family model, where Daddy goes out to work, but returns at 5, and Mummy stays at home baking cakes etc. I say the majority, as believe it or not, some social workers do still think this is the perfect family model.

Your OH's career path should not preclude you from being considered as adoptive parents, although the ideal is for one parent to stay at home for a minimum of a year post-placement.

Most sensible authorities should have no aversion to cut-glass accents! And if they do, more's the pity for them, as post-Baby P more and more children are being expedited through the care system.

Please do private message me if you would like to discuss further.

Jillinoz

purple12

I'm a relatively new foster carer (we've been fostering for about a year) and my 'day job' is a social worker so sometimes I see things from both sides! Incidently, going through the assessment and dealing with social workers in my private life has been an eye-opener as far as my professional life goes but that's another story for another day..

We don't have children yet and it seems to be quite unusual in the service we work in but it didn't preclude us!

I can say that social workers (and in this sense, I speak as a reasonably experienced social worker) are just as culpable of making assumptions about people.

We foster for the local authority and made a positive decision to do so as I feel uncomfortable about the role of agencies (that is a very personal thing though and partly based on professional experiences - I'm sure there are wonderful ones out there). I have heard the money might be more and perhaps the support better but we have a great social worker - she just needs prodding into action from time to time - and having the confidence to prod is not a bad thing!

lostinrates

ElTenEleven wrote: »

Hello Lostinrates,

My first post!

Anyway, my wife and I are in similar circumstances that we have no children of our own and have never thought of any assistance.

We have fostered for the last 16 years for Swindon Borough Council and from my experience in the south west, one of the better LA's for the fostering service.

As to your husband being away from Monday to Friday, I am in the RAF and only recently had my wings clipped and this has never raised a question from the children's or our social workers.

If you wish to know more, I have no problem with you PMing me.

Regards

ETE :-)

Thank you, I'm honoured to have prompted a first post! Swindon...it wouldn't be our nearest city....I'm guessing one is required to go to the nearest city/Authority thtough LAs?

Its also good to know that less traditional (although in my family working away is traditional!) set ups have not caused a problem!