Am I being unreasonable or is she?

Krystaltips

I'm a tad annoyed but don't know if I'm being unreasonable...

My sister invited herself to be a bridesmaid... fine, I wasn't her bridesmaid and I chose her daughter and didn't really want her... But she bought her own dress... And I didn't want to upset her.... So fine...

I sent her invite with her boyfriend of the times name on it... They duly split up... (She has a 6month itch not a 7year one!) and she asked if she could bring her ex husband... Fine... He used to be in the family, I've known him 15 years, he's father of one of the bridesmaids... Fine...

So I was talking to her on the telephone the other night and I asked if he was coming, she got a little flustered and said he has got back together with his previous girlfriend and might not (But I kind of got the impression she hadn't even asked him) So I said fine, let me know by the end of the week because I can get a refund on his dinner or invite someone else... And she really flippantly said "Oh well if he can't come I'll just bring soandso" I said no, I didn't want her bringing just anyone to the meal... her argument was she's known him 7 years... My argument is I've met him twice... and our wedding meal is litterally relations and 2 of our closest friends (1 of whom is doing the photos and her husband is singing in the church) There are other family members I would of loved to invite to join us but we just don't have the budget and if her original (or 2nd choice) guest can't come I would invite my cousin who is also a friend and also cat sitting while we're on honeymoon.... Is that unreasonable of me or should I let her bring a guest so she's not on her own? (Although they're mostly her family too and her children will be there so she won't be totally alone...)

Also posted on September weddings in case you get de ja vu...

SugarSpun

I think she's being unreasonable, but is she likely to throw a snit fit and remove herself and her daughter from the wedding or bring the spare guy anyway?

I'd tell her she has until Friday to ask the ex husband if he wants to come, and if he won't/ can't/ you have no answer by Saturday you'll ask your cat sitting cousin. Unless you think she'll cause you lots of trouble, in which case think harder as to which is more important to you.

SandC

Yes I think she is being unreasonable. If she doesn't have a permanent fixture 'plus one' around then it doesn't seem logical to invite one to a daytime do which is family only with 2 close friends. That 'plus one' will probably feel awkward and even if she doesn't want to admit it - she will either be 'babysitting' said guest who doesn't know anyone, or will end up leaving him on his own.

Is she sitting at top table? There's another reason. If she is, then said strange guest will be sitting elsewhere, again with people he doesn't know.

This is your day and you must do what you want. Hard as it is, I think you should tell her that she can bring her ex but nobody else. It will no doubt blow over.

Try and convince her she will have a far better time on her own (that is true!).

Horace

She is being unreasonable.

For one she shouldn't have invited herself to be a bridesmaid and start inviting all and sundry to your wedding.

Tell her that as the ex cannot attend, you have are inviting your cousin instead and tell her no she cannot bring a guest.

Remember it is your wedding and you choose who you want to be in attendance and not her. Invite your cat-sitting cousin, and tell your sister she cannot bring a guest.

Good luck.

paddingtondoo

She's being unreasonable.

Doesn't sound as if her ex will be coming - tell her unless he is coming you're cancelling the extra space on Friday.

I had to re-read your post to make sure it said sister and not SIL - has she been talking to your MIL without you knowing? :rotfl:

Callisto

Your sister is definitely being unreasonable. Invite your cousin! It's really rude to just assume you can invite a random plus one I think, they won't take part in the spirit of the day as they don't know you...

I'm only planning a small wedding and am poised ready to shout at family members who want to invite distant relatives or their friends I've never met - if I don't know them or see them on a semi-regular basis, they ain't coming!

sweetnskint

:eek: def her! hope you find a solution!

Krystaltips

She's not that unreasonable that she would cause trouble or withdraw from the wedding, just has a tendency to be really arsey... I told her I need to know whether ex husband is coming by Friday so I'll leave it until then.... She hasn't been talking to MIL.... But she is sitting on her table for dinner

paddingtondoo

Krystaltips wrote: »

She's not that unreasonable that she would cause trouble or withdraw from the wedding, just has a tendency to be really arsey... I told her I need to know whether ex husband is coming by Friday so I'll leave it until then.... She hasn't been talking to MIL.... But she is sitting on her table for dinner

I assume that's in the disabled toilet as a normal one wouldn't hold both of them :rotfl:

Krystaltips

But of course... MIL insist on being pushed around in a wheelchair for effect when there's a crowd... (Can walk just fine when there's nobody to fuss over her!)

Might even chuck in a blue block to keep the whiff down

karen_newcastle

This is a tricky situation but it would be nice for her to have someone as her guest. Life it too short for this type of thing. Just let her bring who she wants and relax.